#i hope your exam went well <3< /div>
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i made this recipe about a year ago so it might need some tweaking, but i looooove miso pasta so i wanted to do my own take! I'm no professional or anything but i had fun making it :) feeds around 4 (i think LOL)
Garlic Miso Fettuccine
Ingredients:
16 oz fettuccine
3 eggs
3-5 cloves garlic
1-2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp butter
3 tbsp miso paste
3 tbsp soy sauce
Garlic powder
Onion powder
White pepper
Directions:
Boil fettuccine noodles as directed, keeping about a cup of pasta water. Beat three eggs to be used later.
Heat oil in large pan over medium low heat. Add garlic and cook until crispy and brown.
Turn heat to low and remove garlic from pan. Add butter and miso paste.
Add boiled noodles to the pan along with pasta water and soy sauce.
Once well combined, turn off stove and add beaten eggs to mixture. Stir vigorously to prevent scrambling.
Add garlic powder, onion powder, and white pepper to taste. Enjoy!
i've never heard of miso pasta, i'd be so excited to try it!! i was actually thinking of having pasta this weekend.... perhaps it shld be miso pasta :9
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take your time miss lan!!! please take care of yourself, we'll be waiting for you as always!!
-đ
THANK YOU BABY I WILL DO MY BEST!!!!! đŁď¸đŁď¸đŁď¸
#also APOLOGIES TO :3 ANON#I HOPE YOUR EXAM WENT WELL (if you already did it)#GOODLUCK!!!!#IM TAKING SO LONG WITH YOUR REQUEST I FEEL SO BAD#đ anon!!!!!
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Sometimes i wonder "did something happen to my wife?"
And then i worry a lil and then i see she liked my posts and im like "im glad she is still alive but perhaps a lil stressed uwu"
#im sorry for calling you out pumpkin#âi cant believe a teenager is having more platonic sex than i amâ - a guy i talked to#oh to have social anxiety#totally cant relate#not at all#i would never#me? also having social anxiety?#pish posh#btw pumpkin if ur reading this i hope ur exams went well#i hope u dont have any for the rest of the week#but knowing your school you definitely have like 3 other exams#why? because the school system wants ur blood honey#stop revising ur gonna do fine anyways cause ur so smart#anyways i hope ur doing well!!!!!
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hello, beautiful beam of sunlight!
for the ask game,,, can i pls ask đš & đ° if theyâre available?
ah ok love u lots <3
hello hello hello!! <33 love you to pieces my dear!!
đš what do you think are the most romantic flowers other than roses?
pink bluebells!!!! pink bluebells are everything to me!! look at them!! i love them!! :,))) (also regular bluebells are just as good!!)
đ° whatâs your favorite dessert to eat? do you have a favorite to make?
hmm,, favorite dessert to eat would probably have to be tiramisu it's so yum đ but my favorite to make would be funfetti cupcakes (yes from the box) the childhood nostalgia and joy funfetti cake brings me is unparalleled
(q's from this ask game đ)
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sxrieux:
Itâs precisely four o'clock in the afternoon, and Enjolras is done for the day ( well, done by most standards; of course heâs going to go home and carry on trawling through paperwork anyway ); the city streets arenât quiet, but emptier than usual. He was a news reporter, passionate about delivering news to the citizens of Paris. He has a mic on the red lapel of his jacket. He talked in front of the barricade, where he and the other les amis spoke about poverty and making the streets safer from the policemen. France was a wonderful country, which he loved. Itâs not until he stops to buy a cup of coffee at the corner of the street that he notices someone looking rather lost, or perhaps just indecisive â whichever it is, Enjolras finds himself inclined towards offering his help. ââ Are you lost?â
Athelstan hears an unfamiliar voice, which shakes him out of his slightly lethargic daze.Â
He then glances towards the one who addressed him, a man with blondish hair. He remembered him from his speaking his anger at the rally in the streets, he in the red jacket with rose. A man had been with him, with freckles on his cheeks. The strangerâs question, which spoke of concern, was unexpected but welcome nonetheless.
âHello. No, Â I am not lost, but thank you for asking.â
In contrast, he knew the city quite well, but there had been an event that happened to him which burdened his mind. They had infiltrated his monastery, these evil monsters. He had barely escaped with his life. It had shaken him, him speaking to the bishop who met Jean Valjean, and gave him refuge.
He see the other then cross his arms, frowning. '"Are you sure?" The young man before him was visibly shaken, he thought. He notes bruises ; one shadowing a crow on the man's arms, blood on his sleeve.
#hi scout ; thank you for the starter ^^#i hope you are well#and thats good to hear your exam went good :3#rp partner | sxrieux#ic#omg athelstan and enjolras meeting is interesting#as he looks like R
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well-meaning but ultimately misguided colleague when i mention i haven't done any work for my exam next week: but don't you want to be able to tell your supervisor that you did at least some studying? :/
me, unable to explain that i am so close to burn-out that using my free-time to spend 2-3 hours with a past paper will actually make me more likely to fail the actual exam: well, there's still this weekend and i've taken the day off before the exam so
colleague: oh, okay :)
[3 days later]
me: hold the fucking phone. my supervisor literally didn't even know what paper he was turning up for when he took the exam. he couldn't say a fucking thing to me even if he wanted to
#job stuff#this colleague of mine is a lovely person but they are very. idk if there's a shorthand word for it#but they are so resilient that they can't understand that not everyone else is like that / that people shouldn't have to be that resillient#e.g. their mum had cancer while they were doing their a-levels (their mum's fine) and they didn't take any concessions or tell anyone#and came out with i think 3 A*s#but then anyone else who's going though / went though something is measured against their yardstick?#like 'well my mum had cancer and *I* just got on with it' etc etc#like girl (gender neutral)... you shouldn't have had to.#that's a sad story and i wish you could see that#and not everyone can get through something like that without a breakdown#which is to say i'm not going through anything as traumatic as that#but i have been so overloaded with work that the exam is the furthest fucking thing from my mind#and i hope my supervisors will appreciate that esp bc as i say one of them literally rocked up to the exam with no study themselves#(they passed which is sort of what makes it okay but. i will not apologise for not studying)#(esp as i did the studying last year and it meant fuck all đ)#anyway i knew she wouldn't get it so i just faked it#but the real ones know#(another colleague said to me as i was leaving the office 'good luck with your exam next week - i know you've put loads of work in ;)')#(and we laughed)
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love potions (but make it legal)!
pairing: tutor!jungwon x reader
summary: you had not been too excited about these tutoring sessions your potions professor had dropped on you. but, after meeting your tutor you couldnât hope but think you both were brewing more than just potions, perhaps even love?
genre: hogwarts au, jungwon is a loser for the reader, initially slightly one sided pining, fluff, angst
warnings: some hogwarts lore references, mentions of failing a class, jealousy, angst, magic stuff, kissing, suggestive(ish)
note: they donât actually make love potions in this but i liked the sound of it so i used it in the title hehe. i hope you guys enjoy this fic as you had given so much love to the heeseung one.
word count: 4.3kish
if you liked it please reblog or comment to give me your feedback! <3
to the anon who requested a jungwon hogwarts au im sososoo sorry for publishing this like six months later. i had a terrible writerâs block with this one. iâm terribly sorry, this constantly ran through my mind but i couldnât bring myself to begin. i hope you like this!
you were so screwed.
you felt like a deflated balloon looking at your mock NEWT results. you were literally failing your potions class. with all the time spent in balancing out your classes, quidditch and sessions at the room of requirement as a part of dumbledoreâs army, you had not practised well enough for your classes that were practical based.Â
seeing your grades drop from exemplary results to having mediocre grades and failing a class was depressing. so, your potions teacher had made you stay back to have a word with you which is why you stood off to the side. your head hung low in disappointment with yourself. if this continued, it would be hard to apply for an aurorâs job, which was your dream.Â
you were broken out of your thoughts by the sound of your professor clearing his throat. your head shot up and you looked around to see the room was now empty save for you both. he gestured to the seat next to his table, so you shuffled over.
he looked over the rim of his glasses as he scanned over your report card. you hated the pitiful look that crossed over his face, you were not used to this.
âyou are one of my best students, i really wasnât expecting this from you..â
you grimaced at his words, feeling worse about your situation. great, you were not the only one disappointed by yourself.
your professor must have noticed because his tone immediately became gentle as he gave you a comforting smile.Â
âsee, the only reason i asked you to stay back was because i know you can do betterâ, he shuffled through a register seemingly looking for something. ��iâm sure you have your reasons as to why your performance went down. i know you can improve again.â
you nodded at his words, already starting to feel better, âyes professor i-â
âwhich is why i think you should get tutoredâ, he cut you off.
you froze. tutoring? this was so embarrassing, usually you were the one to provide tutoring to others, and now you have to be the one to receive it? no thank you.
you let out a small chuckle, âi understand professor, but i think i can handle it by myself.â
his brows creased at your words, âi donât think you have enough time for that, the exams are nearing and you have managed to mess up even the basic things in the exam.â
you sighed at his words, silently accepting your fate because he wasnât wrong. maybe you should swallow your ego and just get tutored, it was for your own good anyway.
taking a deep breath you put on a fake smile and gritted out, âokay.â
the rush of your mary jane clad feet filled the hallways of hogwarts with clopping sounds. your feet skidded to a stop in front of the library doors and you placed your hand over your chest, trying to catch your breath from the ten minute long run. you were late for your first tutoring session because your evening nap went a little longer than expected.Â
brushing out stray hair strands from your face you opened the doors and stepped in, looking around for your tutor. the only person other than you was a boy with raven hair, sitting on a bench completely surrounded by bookshelves.Â
you approached him, assuming he was your tutor.Â
âuh hey!â, you called out in an unsure manner. âare you my assigned tutor for po-â
âyesâ, he cut you off curtly, not even bothering to spare you a glance. âtake a seat.â
you frowned in confusion at his cold behaviour and pulled out a chair to sit next to him. he seemed to be shuffling through some papers and organising them. a few seconds went by with him failing to acknowledge your presence. you cleared your throat awkwardly and introduced yourself, trying to get his attention.Â
his head immediately shot up as soon as he heard your name, his eyes widening in what you could tell was surprise. confused at his reaction, you just gave him a small smile. he was silent for a while, giving you enough time to take in his features.
bangs fell over the smooth skin of his forehead and he looked at you through glasses which fit perfectly on his face, adding on to his handsome features. you had seen him around a few times as you shared a few classes with him. he was one of the smartest students, loved by all his teachers.
âuh iâm jungwonâ, his voice broke through the awkward silence.
you nodded, âhey. iâve seen you around.â
his lips pulled up into a smile at that as he let out a small laugh nervously. you raised your eyebrows at his sudden shift in demeanour. just a moment ago he didnât care about your presence and now he was smiling? whatever.
âprofessor told me you had been facing some problems with potionsâ, he looked down and tapped his quill on the table. âwhat can i help you with?â
you explained how you messed up the practical test for your mocks. he listened intently, never breaking eye contact with you which made you a bit nervous.Â
you came to an end of your rant but jungwon still maintained eye contact with you, his chin resting on his hand now.Â
you cleared your throat, âso..?â
he still seemed to be staring at you, his eyes out of focus as he dreamily smiled at you.
frowning at his odd behaviour, you waved your hand in front of his face which broke him out of his thoughts. his eyes widened momentarily as he shook his head, a small blush spreading across his cheeks.
âare you sick?â
he chuckled nervously, âno no i was just planning out how i could help youâ
he picked up a quill and started writing a plan for you in neat handwriting. once he was done, he passed the sheet over to you.
âweâll follow this for the next two weeks. meet me in the potions class at four tomorrow.â
you gave a once over at what he had written and smiled at him. âwill do, thanks jungwon!â
he nodded and started packing up his things. when he was done he looked at you expectantly, âitâs time for dinner, letâs go to the great hall together.â
you smiled and gathered your things as well.
it was the first day of your tutoring and you were early today.
or you thought so.
glancing around the potions classroom, you spotted jungwon already there. he was perched on a stool, arranging vials and flasks on the tables. unlike his usual composed demeanour in class, he seemed flustered, his bangs falling over his forehead as he fumbled with a particularly stubborn stopper.
he looked up as he heard you shuffle in, a relieved smile splitting his face.
"ah, there you are! i was starting to think you'd gotten lost."
"lost?" you repeated, a laugh escaping your lips. "in the potions classroom? hardly."
he chuckled, a nervous undertone to it. "right, of course. so, are you ready to tackle some invisibility potion today?"
you straightened your robes, a determined glint in your eyes. "ready as i'll ever be. though," you added, an unsure lilt in your voice, "considering my track record, maybe 'invisible' isn't the best thing to start off with."
jungwon's hummed, his cheeks flushing. "well, that's why we're practising, isn't it? to avoid another...disappearing act?"
you snorted. "exactly. though, to be fair, the professor did say my failed polyjuice potion was rather impressive in its...uniqueness."
he winced. "right. let's just focus on not achieving sentience with our cauldron this time, alright?"
the rest of the afternoon was a whirlwind of chopping netslime and muttering incantations. jungwon was a patient tutor, though his explanations sometimes devolved into nervous rambling when your eyes met.Â
by the end of the session, your potion shimmered a faint, almost-invisible blue. not perfect, but a far cry from your previous disasters. jungwon beamed, his earlier awkwardness replaced by genuine pride.
"see? you're a natural! with a little more practice, you'll be brewing like snape in no time."
you laughed. "snape? now that's a terrifying image."
he chuckled, then cleared his throat, his gaze flickering away. "well, i should probably get going. i have herbology first thing tomorrow."
you nodded, gathering your things. "alright, see you then. and jungwon?"
he stopped at the door, his eyes questioning.
"thanks a lot for doing this. i already feel more confident.â
he smiled at that, making you do the same unconsciously.
the next two weeks flew by in a flurry of potion-making and stolen glances in your sessions, and outside of it whenever you both crossed paths. you had made a new friend and you were grateful for his help. you found yourself approaching the cauldron with newfound determination. your brews were improving steadily, and the playful banter during your sessions only added to the enjoyment.
one particularly chilly evening, you hurried down to the room of requirement, the usual meeting place for your secret DA practice sessions. you entered to find the familiar sight of your fellow students practising disarming spells and dodging jinxes. but amidst the chaos, you spotted an unexpected face â jungwon.
he was facing away from you, expertly deflecting a curse with a flick of his wand. you blinked, momentarily speechless. you never knew jungwon was a part of this! a warmth bloomed in your chest, a mixture of surprise and a strange sense of pride.
"nice one, jungwon!" , you called out, a wide grin on your face. jungwon turned, his eyes meeting yours. a flicker of surprise crossed his features before he broke into a wide grin.
"hey there," he said casually, striding over to you. "didn't expect to see you here."
"me neither," you admitted, a smile playing on your lips. "i guess you're not just a potions prodigy, huh?"
he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "turns out i have a few other hidden talents."
the rest of the evening flew by in a whirlwind of practice. seeing jungwon in this new light â confident, skilled, and fighting for a cause you both believed in â made your heart flutter. he was everything you admired and more.
admire? since when did that happen?
shaking your head to rid yourself of such thoughts, you got back to practising your charm. although, over the duration of the practise, your mind couldnât help but wander towards jungwonâs recent behaviour. he had been sweet to you since the beginning, always ready to help out. and the way he blushed around you and quipped with you, you couldnât help but think that maybe he also felt something?Â
as the group started dispersing, you lingered near the room's entrance, feigning the need to adjust your cloak.
"hey," jungwon's voice startled you. he was packing his bag, a casual smile playing on his lips. "didn't head out yet?"
"actually," you began, fiddling with the strap of your bag, "there was something i wanted to ask you about."
his smile widened in invitation. "shoot."
you took a deep breath. "it's about dumbledore's army. we've been working on patronus charms lately, and well, i'm struggling a bit." shame tinged your cheeks. you weren't used to needing help with spells.
jungwon's expression softened with understanding. "a patronus charm, huh? tricky business, that. but hey, i might be able to offer some pointers."
relief washed over you. "really? that would be amazing!"
he gestured towards a secluded corner of the room. "come on, then. let's see what you're working with."
you settled onto the dusty floor, explaining your struggles. you could conjure a faint wisp of silvery light, but it was far from the actual form you needed. jungwon listened intently, occasionally asking clarifying questions.
"okay," he said once you finished, "it seems you've got the basic idea down. the key is focusing on a strong, happy memory. something that evokes a feeling of pure joy and warmth."
he saw your hesitant expression and chuckled. "don't worry, it's not a competition to see who has the most embarrassing childhood memory."
you forced a smile. "no, of course not." but your mind struggled to find that perfect memory.
jungwon seemed to sense your frustration. "close your eyes," he instructed gently.Â
"take a deep breath and try to visualise a place that makes you feel truly happy. maybe a familiar place from your childhood, a special time with a friend, anything that brings a smile to your face."
you closed your eyes, following his guidance. images flickered through your mind â family picnics, winning a quidditch match, late-night talks with your best friend. but none of them seemed to spark the necessary warmth.
just as you were about to give up, a memory surfaced. a smile bloomed on your face. you opened your eyes and met jungwon's gaze. "i think i have it," you whispered.
he nodded encouragingly. "focus on that feeling. the warmth, the happiness, let it flow through you and into your wand."
you closed your eyes again, picturing the memory that brought you happiness. it was a little hazy as you tried to focus on the touch and sounds from that memory. with a deep breath, you pointed your wand forward and muttered the incantation.
a wisp of silvery light erupted from your wand, growing and solidifying into a shape. it wasn't perfect â the outline of a cat was more suggestion than a form â but it was a patronus. you had finally done it.
a cheer escaped your lips as you realised you had finally done it. you looked at jungwon, your heart brimming with gratitude. "i did it!"
he beamed, genuine pride radiating from him. "see? you're a natural. you just needed a little nudge in the right direction."
his words held a hint of something more, something that sent a shiver down your spine. you wanted to thank him properly, to express just how much his help meant to you.Â
"thank you, jungwon," you murmured, your voice barely a whisper. you wished, however, that your patronus could solidify into something more impressive, something that truly reflected the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you.
as if sensing your unspoken desire, jungwon stepped closer. his movements were subtle, almost hesitant. but before you could question it, he reached behind you, his hand gently wrapping around yours, enclosing both your hands and your wand within his hold.
a jolt of electricity shot through you at his touch. the air in the room crackled with a tension you hadn't noticed before. your focus on the patronus wavered momentarily, replaced by a hyper awareness of jungwon's warm torso pressed against your back, his fingers brushing against yours.
his warm breath fanned over your ear as he whispered even though there was no one around to hear you both, ânow completely focus on that memory.â
the room seemed to shrink, the air growing thick with unspoken tension. you focused on the memory, it acting as a soothing anchor in the storm brewing inside you. but this time, something was different. the wispy light from your wand pulsed, growing brighter, solidifying. the faint outline of a cat sharpened, taking on a more defined form.
in the heightened focus, you were oblivious to everything except the memory and the warmth radiating from jungwon's hand on yours. the familiar nostalgia from the memory echoed in your mind, a beacon of happiness. with a burst of energy, a fully formed silver cat patronus materialised, leaping and frolicking around the room.
you gasped in awe, forgetting everything else. "it's perfect! it's actually a perfect patronus!"Â
you jumped, unknowingly pushing yourself more into jungwon, making him wrap his hands loosely around you as he chuckled lowly. you spun around to share your joy with him.
but as you turned, your breath hitched. you were impossibly close to him, his hand still wrapped around yours, his face mere inches away. his eyes were dark and intense, a mirror of the emotions swirling within you. the air crackled with unspoken desire.
you leaned in, heart pounding a frantic rhythm against your ribs. he tilted his head ever so slightly, his lips hovering a whisper away from yours. his breath hitched ever so slightly, as you both leaned in, the space between your lips closing with each passing second.
just as your lips were about to meet, jungwon pulled back abruptly.Â
he cleared his throat, his hand falling away from yours. "that's... that's amazing," he stammered, his eyes flickering away from yours. "a perfect patronus. you really are something else."
his words held a strange distance, and a knot of unease tightened in your stomach. the electric tension that had thrummed in the air moments ago had dissipated, replaced by an awkward silence. you weren't sure what had happened, but embarrassment washed over you in suffocating waves. the joy of your achievement felt strangely hollow now.
your patronus immediately vanished into thin air, leaving a trail of sparkles behind.
the tension in the room receded as quickly as it had risen, leaving a bewildered silence in its wake. you blinked, confused and slightly disappointed. why did he stop?
"i, uh," he stammered, looking at his shoes, "i think it's getting late. maybe we should call it a night?"
did he regret the near kiss? or was there something else at play?Â
you opened your mouth to ask, but the words wouldn't come. the magic of the patronus lingered, a bittersweet reminder of what could have been.
"yeah," you finally managed, your voice barely a whisper. "it's getting late."
jungwon offered a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes before gathering his things and hurrying towards the exit. you watched him go, a myriad of emotions swirling within you.
disappointment gnawed at you like a dementor during your potions class the next day. your potions professor, inspecting your bubbling concoction with a delighted smile, declared it "exactly by the book."
he beamed, announcing, "it appears the extra sessions have paid off! perhaps we can consider them concluded, wouldn't you agree?"
a lump formed in your throat. you glanced at jungwon, expecting a playful jab or a celebratory nod. but he simply shrugged, a noncommittal, âsounds good to me,â escaping his lips.
the professor's words should have filled you with relief. you were back on track, independent once more. yet, as the class ended, all you felt was a hollow emptiness. you caught jungwon's eye for a fleeting moment, hoping for a familiar spark or a shared grin. instead, he averted his gaze, muttering a hurried goodbye and hurried out of the classroom.
this became a pattern over the next few days. in the hallways, where you once exchanged playful jibes, jungwon now seemed to melt into the background whenever you approached. shared classes were endured in a tense silence, his friendly demeanour replaced by a distant politeness.Â
you replayed the scene in the room of requirement over and over in your head, desperately trying to pinpoint where you'd gone wrong.Â
had you misread the tension? had you moved too fast, startled him with your sudden boldness?
one evening, you found yourself lingering outside the room of requirement, the usual meeting place for dumbledore's army. you weren't sure why you were there, perhaps a desperate hope that jungwon would appear. the door creaked open, and your best friend peeked out.
"lost something?" she asked, her brow quirked in concern.
you shook your head, the words refusing to form.
"everything alright?" she pressed gently, her perceptive eyes searching yours.
you sighed, finally blurting out, "it's jungwon. did iâŚdid i do something wrong?"
her knowing smile softened the blow. "ah," she said, pulling you into a hug. "sometimes, the most powerful potions are brewed in silence, simmering with unspoken emotions."
her words offered little comfort, but they planted a seed in your mind. maybe rushing something as delicate as what you felt for jungwon wasn't the way. maybe patience, like the perfect potion, required time and the right balance of ingredients. you resolved to let things cool, to focus on mastering your spells and potions, hoping that maybe, one day, the right opportunity would present itself, and the spark you shared with jungwon wouldn't need words to reignite.
screw whatever you thought before. you couldn't wait for that âone dayâ to come as you watched your classmate, a girl with hair like spun sunshine, practically cling to jungwon's arm in herbology. they were bent over, giggling like pixies at a particularly stubborn gillyweed.
fury replaced the embers of hope your friend had ignited. who was this girl? had he moved on that quickly?Â
jealousy bubbled in your stomach as you stalked away from the window, hurt settling in your chest. but you were determined to make things right, even if it meant making your friendship(?) with him awkward, you needed to know what went wrong.Â
the bell signalling the end of class was your cue. you bolted out, weaving through students, your eyes locked on jungwon. he noticed you coming, a flicker of surprise crossing his face, but before he could react, you were upon him.
he was walking with the sunshine-haired girl, lost in their own conversation, until a breathless, "jungwon!" ripped him from it. he turned, eyes widening further when he saw your determined, (slightly crazed) expression.
"uh, hi?" he stammered, glancing between you and the girl who stood blinking at you both, confused.
"excuse me," you said politely through gritted teeth to the girl, who, thankfully, scurried off with a mumbled âsee you later, jungwon.â
now, alone with the reason of your anger and surging jealousy, you grabbed his arm and steered him away from the castle grounds. you marched him past the greenhouses until you reached a secluded clearing near the black lake. there, with a flourish that would have earned you points in charms class, you pinned him against a sturdy oak tree.
he stared at you, bewildered, as your chest heaved. "okay," he started cautiously, "what's going on?"
"what's going on?" you sputtered, finally finding your voice. "what's going on is, i thought we had...something!" you gestured wildly towards the castle, where you could still see a flicker of sunshine hair disappear around a corner.
jungwon blinked, then a slow blush crept up his neck. "we...we do! we had potions tutoring sessions, remember?"
you threw your hands up in exasperation. "ugh, not tutoring! thisâŚthis unspoken thing we have!"
his blush deepened, and he mumbled something inaudible under his breath.
"what?" you demanded.
he took a deep breath. "look, about that night in the room of requirement..."
"yes?" you leaned in, heart pounding.
he cleared his throat. "maybe i⌠i overreacted. i wasn't sure what you were feeling, andâŚ"
he trailed off, his gaze dropping to the ground. you gaped at him, realising the truth. you hadn't scared him off, he'd scared himself off!Â
but there was more. a flicker of insecurity crossed his eyes. "and to be honest," he admitted sheepishly, "the real reason i've been avoiding you⌠well, it's because i was trying to figure out how to tell you something...something big."
you blinked. here you were, fuming about a nonexistent threat, while jungwon had been battling his own insecurities. the situation was hilarious, almost. but mostly, it was endearing.
a slow smile spread across your face. "well, spill it, jungwon. don't leave me in suspense."
he fumbled with his words, cheeks burning a fiery red. "it's about...well, ever since the beginning of this year, iâve looked at youâŚin a different light."
your heart thrummed erratically now, hoping he was getting to where you wanted him to.
"...and, well, you're not just funny and smart, you're kind and brave, and the way you laugh at my stupid jokes, it just makes me..." his voice trailed off, his eyes pleading with yours.Â
his rambling was adorable, but the knot of frustration in your stomach tightened with every nervous stammer. you couldn't take it anymore.
grabbing him by the collar, you silenced him with a kiss. it started desperate, fueled by the need to know his true feelings, but as his lips met yours, it melted into something sweeter. you poured your unspoken emotions into that kiss, the frustration, the longing, the dawning hope.Â
suddenly, jungwon spun you around, switching your positions so that you were pushed against the tree now. your breath hitched in surprise at his sudden show of confidence. he dove back into the kiss, his soft lips moving against yours in fervour. the intensity of your kiss increased along with your pulse and you were pretty sure jungwon could feel it with the way he was pressed up against you
when he finally pulled back, breathless and dizzy, a different kind of silence hung in the air.
jungwon stared at you as your cheeks flushed a brilliant crimson, mirroring the sunset bleeding across the lake. finally, a smile bloomed on his face, genuine and relieved.Â
"see," he breathed, voice husky, "that was much easier than all that."
you laughed, a genuine sound that echoed through the clearing. relief washed over you, warm and tingly. "i should be the one saying that" you teased.
âyeah well i chickened outâ, he scratched his head in embarrassment, âi wanted my confession to be perfect.â
you smirked, âyeah well what you pulled right now was very romantic. i didnât know you had that in you.â
he rolled his eyes playfully and grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. âyou liked it though. letâs head back now, itâs almost time for dinner.â
you smiled as you walked in step with him, swinging your intertwined hands back and forth. he squeezed your hand with a cheeky grin on his face. you returned the squeeze looking up at him in question, when his next words had a blush blooming on your face.
âi hope youâre going to pay me back for those lessons with more of such kisses.â
đ°đźđ˝đđżđśđ´đľđ Šđ´đđđđŻđ˛đżđżđđ on Tumblr
Ë Âˇ .đŽđšđš đżđśđ´đľđđ đżđ˛đđ˛đżđđ˛đą
#๨ৠđdy writesđŞ#enhypen#enhypen imagines#enhypen oneshots#enhypen fics#enhypen x reader#jungwon#yang jungwon#jungwon x reader#jungwon imagines#jungwon fics#jungwon oneshots#kpop fics#hogwarts au#enhypen hogwarts au
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HARD THOUGHT !
pairing: jungwon x fem!reader
cw: smut, cunnilingus, fingering, squirting, usage of nicknames.
warning: 18+ content, minors dni
a/n: this was requested by anonnie! i hope you enjoy <3
âDonât fucking move,â Jungwon groans right against your cunt, sending the vibrations up your spine as he spread your folds with his fingers, caressing your clit teasingly, looking up at you for just a secondâhis lips wet with his drool and your juices, dripping down his chin, âdonât you dare move, kitten,â he chuckles, his gaze dark as he holds on to your thighs tight enough for it to bruise later.
When you said you needed a release, this is exactly what you had asked for. Exam season stressed you out beyond words, and after the last exam of the subject you hated the most, there was no way youâd act calm, especially when Jungwon came to pick you up, clad in the white button up which was attractive as it is, but he had to go a step further by rolling up his sleeves which did nothing to hide his veiny hands.
âYou did so well on your exams, let me reward you now, hm?â He said, eyes focused on finding the perfect spot to park his car, his hand squeezing your thigh wasnât helping either, a low whine leaving your lips, and even though your eyes were closed, you could clearly feel him smirking as he stopped the car.
âGet in the back,â he whispered.
And thatâs how you found yourself all spread out for Jungwon, even in the little room that the backseat provided, he made it all work. With your arched back pressed against the door, you tugged on his hair harder, a growl leaving his mouth with how immersed he was in pushing his tongue inside your hole, his rough thumb pad taking care of your clit in a speed which had your legs feeling weak.
âJâJungwon,â you whined, causing him to hum and chuckle as he felt your body shaking.
He couldnât help but dig his fingers in the flesh of your thighs, pushing his face closer to your cunt, as if he wanted to suffocate between your legs.
The sensation coursed through your body, your toes curling as the windows started fogging up with your activities and Jungwon had no intentions to stop, lapping up your cunt as if heâd be waiting ages to do this, to taste you, and somehow, each lick and flick of his tongue on your clit felt more intense than the previous one.
âYou did so well, so fucking well, kitten,â he mumbled, hair messy as you kept on moaning louder, chanting his name as your thighs shook and you squirmed, but his hold on you was tight enough for you to stay in your place. He could care less about your cunt dripping all over his car seats, he only had one thing in his mindâyour cunt.
It was as if he was addicted to your taste, and he ate you out like he meant it, making sure that your whole body could feel his desperation, your mind numbing as you approached your high, and Jungwon wasnât going to stop, not even when you were throwing your head back and biting your first to stop your moans.
âFucking hell, let me hear your moans,â he cussed, slapping your cunt while staring at you with dark eyesâa warning for you to behave. You couldnât help but listen, somehow moaning even louder than before, trying to grab something, anything, which is why you tugged on his hair again, causing him to suck on your clit while fucking his fingers into your wet cunt, still not stopping.
âJungwon, please,â you cried out, and he only went harder, using his two fingers and thrusting them into your hole so hard, you felt as if you were seeing stars, your sounds reverberating and your mind blanking out even more as he went on, so fucking needy to have a taste of you, and you knew you were gone the second he curled his fingers in your cunt. The last bit of sanity left your body as you squirmed and squirted all over his fingers while he only chuckled and rubbed your clit with his fingers, loving the sight in front of him, letting you breathe for just a second before asking:
âReady for round two, kitten?â
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#ria:thoughts#enhypen hard hours#enhypen smut#enha smut#jungwon smit#jungwon hard hours#enhypen scenarios
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Could we possiblyâŚmaybeâŚplease get a glimpse of when the team finds out the sexy long legged muscular thighs Remus and team doctor!reader are seeing each other đđ
YES - UH HUH - YUP - NO PROBLEM (ty ty ty ty ty)
hockey player!Remus Lupin x team medic!reader who are found out [2.6k words]
part 1 | part two | part 3
CW: fem!reader, blood, injury, talk of needles and stitches but the process is not described, hockey, proof of authors completely biased love of Swedes
Away games made you itchy.
The locker rooms were different, their medical rooms were different, and you spent what was likely an absurd amount of time before each game in the dark room (that each locker room had for concussion protocol) just familiarizing yourself with the set up.Â
Hockey players were known for being superstitious, and they accused you of being much the same. But the difference between yourself and the team was that the medic hoped to the hockey gods each game that they wouldnât be needed, while ensuring they were adequately prepared should they be needed.
And when your team wasnât on home ice, you never felt adequately prepared.Â
âI like watching your pre-game rituals.â Fenwick commented casually from his seat on the medical table - part of his pre-game ritual ever since you helped him stretch out his hamstrings before one game and he scored a hat-trick. Now he haunted your exam room like his career depended on it, much to your chagrin.Â
âI donât have a pre-game ritual, Fenny.â You grumbled as you reorganized the supply cabinet below the sink. âI have a job.âÂ
Fenwick made a non-committal sound as he continued taping up his stick - meticulously - when the door to the dark room opened.
âDoc, I was wond- are you really still on this, Fenz?â James paused as he furrowed his brows at his teammate.Â
Fenwick let out a tired sigh as he gave you an exasperated look that read âcan you believe this guy?â before looking back over at James. âCap, what you do to get ready for a game is your business, what doc and I do to get ready for a game is ours.âÂ
âFor the last time, Fenwick, I donât have a pre-game ritual.â You hissed before taking a calming breath. âWhat do you need, Captain?â
James had the grace to turn a little bashful. âErm, wellâŚthereâs no more tape.â
You felt your shoulders sag as you gave him a disbelieving look. âIâve asked you guys not to go through the medical tape; you need to ask the equipment managers to pack some if you need your own.â You repeated, again.
James grimaced as he went to respond, but was saved from needing to when a taller figure approached him from behind.Â
âCoach asked the arena management for more, weâre all good.â Remus offered quickly, flashing you an apologetic smile over Jamesâ shoulder as he clapped his captain on the back.
âOh Loops, you beautiful, beautiful man.â James cheered before roughly pulling Remusâ head down to plant a smacking kiss to his cheek. âI love the Swedes!â He declared as he waltzed back into the locker room, earning him a cheer of approval from Isak GrĂśnvall.Â
âFive minutes, Fen.â Remus continued, causing Benjy to hop down from the table with an excited whoop.Â
âSorry doc, duty calls! Good luck out there!â
You let out a tired sigh as you fought the urge to shout âI donât need luck - Iâm doing my fucking jobâ after him.Â
âYou okay, doc?â Remus asked gently then, and you felt treacherous at how much of your ire simply seeped out of you as you saw his honeyed gaze and soft smile being directed at you.
âI hate away games.â You pouted rather petulantly, causing Remus to let out a laugh.Â
âHome games are better.â He offered carefully as he moved further into the room to stand in front of you. âBut away games have hotel rooms.â
You hummed in agreement as the two of you shared a look, but the door to the room opened again, causing Remus to take a significant step away from you.Â
âDoc!â Sirius called breathlessly. âThereâs no tape!â
âLoops found tape!â You heard someone call from further in the locker room, causing Sirius to let out a sigh of relief.Â
âI fucking love the Swedes!âÂ
âItâs like they think I spoke some ancient Swedish proverb and a viking hand delivered medical tape to me personally.â Remus murmured quietly as the two of you watched Sirius disappear back into the locker room before you heard coach Moody shout for everyone to listen up.Â
âDuty calls.â Remus offered with an almost disappointed smile at having to leave your company.Â
âGood luck out there.â You parroted Fenwickâs earlier sentiments.
Remusâ disappointed smile grew more sincere; softer around the edges. âYou too, Doc.âÂ
The Lions were up 4-1, and the Ravenâs were not happy about it. It was turning into a rough game, and you had held towels up to more players' faces (threatening them with a weeks worth of bench time if they were hiding more injuries from you) than you could count, when the crowd went wild.Â
Dearborn all but shoved your arm away from him in favour of standing against the boards to watch the action, and you couldnât find it in you to be all that perturbed when you stepped up onto the bench to get a better view of the ice too, watching Remusâ line - the marauders, the team had taken to calling them - fly up towards the opposing team's side of the ice.Â
James was the kind of guy to skate right through people versus around them, shouldering and checking people out of his way, while Sirius Padfoot Black seemed to swirl and dance his way across the ice like this was simply a well-rehearsed ballroom dance he could perform in his sleep.Â
And for what Remus lacked in brute force or dancing grace like that of his linemates, he made up for tenfold in speed. He beat both James and Sirius to the otherside of the ice, slowing ever so slightly to allow Sirius to push the puck over the blue line before joining it on the home teams side and stationing himself near the side of the net as James forced his way to the goalies crease, and Sirius played keep away from the Ravenâs with his defenseman, waiting for the perfect opening.Â
The perfect opening came in the form of both of Ravenclawâs defensemen fussing over James for blocking their goalie as said goalie craned his neck in an attempt to see over the clump of bodies in front of him, leaving Remus wide open.Â
The puck bounced from Sirius, to GrĂśnvall, who shot it to his fellow defensemen, who passed it back to Sirius who faked lining up for a slapshot before passing it to Remus who quickly tipped it in to the top shelf of the Ravenâs net, causing the red light to flash and the goal horn to blare.Â
In Remusâ focus on putting the puck in the net, he missed the Ravenclaw defensemen who had handed off Jamesâ assault to his linemate in favour of directing his ire at Remus; checking him hard when Remus hadnât even seen him, sending him face first into another Ravenclaw player who lifted his own arms, causing Remusâ face to make contact with the players stick before going down hard.Â
You watched as Remus tried to pick himself back up again before his limbs simply sprawled out, flattening back down on the ice. Every player from both teams crowded around the net and nearly directly on top of Remus as they paired off in a brawl.Â
âHeâs still down.â You said aloud as if the coaches didnât know, as if they couldnât see. âHeâs not getting up.â
The entire bench was standing and leaning against the boards as if just itching to join the chaos out on the ice; all four referees blowing their whistles and trying to pry players off of each other before turning around to pry two more apart.
James was still spitting words at the Ravenclaw captain when you made it down to the boards yourself.Â
âCaptain!â You tried, feeling your throat constrict when he didnât seem to hear you. âJAMES!â
James paused where he was bending down to retrieve his helmet heâd lost in the fighting to look at you, seeming to recognize the panic in your face as he abandoned the rest of his equipment in favour of skating towards you.Â
âHeâs down; heâs still down.â You said, though it sounded more like a beg.
âOkay doc, okay.â He agreed breathlessly, offering you his elbow as you stepped out onto the ice, sneakers sliding as he helped you all but hobble across the ice to where Sirius was bent over Remus - seemingly talking to him, thank god - also sans helmet and a bloody lip.Â
âJamesâŚâ You whined after the third time your feet threatened to come out from underneath you, clearly attempting to move faster than James was willing to skate with you before he wrapped his arm around your waist and simply hiked you up underneath his arm like a fucking football, skating you the rest of the way to Sirius and Remus.Â
âHey, thereâs our guardian angel.â Sirius offered with a wink as James gently placed you onto the ice, you forgoing all grace and falling to your knees and all but crawling over to Remus.
âLupin you son of a bitch.â You hissed instead of crying, bending in an attempt to look at his face where he was positioned on all fours. âWhat the fuck was that about?â
Remus let out a breathy chuckle as droplets of blood landed below him, contrasting starkly against the pristine white snowed up ice. âI donât think they liked that I scored.â
Something tight unclenched in your stomach leaving you feeling hollow and a little nauseous as you let out a slightly hysterical laugh at Remusâ joke.
âNo, no. I donât think they did. What hurts?â
Remus shook his head minutely. âJust my face. The wind knocked out of me when I landed and then there was fighting.â He explained. âI thought it best to just stay down.âÂ
âI agree.â You said as you held a towel to Remusâ cheek. âJust your face?â
âOnly where the stick hit me.â
âYour head?â
âIs fine.â
âIâll decide that, yeah?â
Remus sat back on his heels as the crowd slowly started clapping. James pulled you over towards himself, picking you back up to skate over to the bench as Sirius helped support Remus back over and the two of you disappeared through the tunnel towards the dark room.
âIâm fine, doc.â He argued as you pointed at the exam table.
âProtocol.â You responded simply as you closed the door behind you, your eyes struggling to adapt to the low light as you dug through your medical supplies.Â
Syringe, two needles, local anesthetic, sutures and suture needle.Â
You washed your hand thoroughly as Remus held the towel to his face, donning a pair of surgical gloves before bringing your supplies over to him.Â
âQuick flash.â You warned before shining a light in his eyes; you were relieved by the results.
âTold you Iâm fine.â He tried to tease as you clicked your flashlight back off and pulled the supplies you had placed on a rolling table over to you.Â
âYouâre bleeding through the towel, Remus. Youâre not fine.â You bit back; words and tone harsh but hands painfully gentle as you pulled said towel away from his face to assess the injury.
The cut was small, but clearly deep; directly under his right eye high upon his cheekbone.Â
The two of you were silent as you worked; you disinfected the wound and cleaned up the blood from his face, numbing the area before tying four quick stitches, taping over the injury more as a means of protecting it when you knew Remus would insist on going back out onto the ice again.
You hadnât even realized his hands were on you until his thumbs started moving. You were stationed between his legs which were hanging off of the exam table, his hands had landed on the back of your thighs at some point during your work, and the pads of his thumbs began drawing soft circles when your hands started to shake, only after you placed the tape over his stitches.
âIâm okay.â He whispered again; his face so close to yours that you could feel the breath of his words fan across your face.
âOkay.â You responded, voice tight with emotions as your eyes started to swim with tears.
âBaby.â He cooed pathetically as he tried to pull you closer to him by your thighs, though between the exam table and all of his equipment, there was really no way to get any closer than you already were.
âIâm sorry.â You whimpered as you pressed the backs of your gloved fists to your eyes, humiliated at the onslaught of emotions now that the adrenaline had worn off.Â
âMy poor girl.â He breathed out, pressing delicate kisses to your forehead. âI didnât mean to worry you.âÂ
âI donât know why Iâm acting like this.â You admitted; trying to laugh at yourself, though it came out more like a sob. âThis is my job.âÂ
Remus hummed as he kept his lips pressed to your head, giving you a moment to catch your breath before he continued. âYes, but thatâs why you donât do my ongoing care now, right? BecauseâŚitâs different.âÂ
âYeah.â You whispered, still not trusting your voice to not crack under the pressure in your throat.
âYouâre okay, babylove.â He murmured.
You sucked in a few deep breaths, willing yourself to toughen up and get back out there when the door to the dark room suddenly flung open.
âDoc, is Loops oka- oh my fucking god.âÂ
You fought back a groan as Remus simply breathed out a chuckle from his nose and Fenwick continued his sputtering from the door.
âOh my god!â He shrilled.Â
âChrist Fenz; will you keep it down? Lupin could be concussed.â You heard the coach bark.Â
âItâs worse!â
Remus let out an offended scoff as you turned to look at him. âWorse?âÂ
âThey- theyâre, fucking- theyâreâŚ.theyâre fucking!!â Benjy ended up sputtering very ineloquently.Â
You heard a flurry of movement before Sirius and Jamesâ torsos appeared in the doorway; the two boys nearly wrestled each other out of the way in order to get a view of what the hell Benjy was talking about before they both started smiling, though in very different manners.
âNowâŚI donât know how you do it, Fenny, but that is not fucking.â Sirius taunted salaciously.Â
âI fucking knew it! You owe me ten bucks, Krum!â James called as he walked out of the dark room, followed by Krum grumbling something in Russian.Â
âWho bet on finding out after the All-Stars?â You heard Dearborn ask. âBecause you bastards owe fifteen.âÂ
That was followed by more grumbling.
âDoc!â You heard GrĂśnvall call breathlessly, turning to find him standing in the doorway with a wide smile on his face. âYou do love the Swedes!â
Remus let out a loud laugh as his arms wormed their way around your waist. âNo, she loves this Swede.â
GrĂśnvall laughed and nodded his head as if to say âfair enoughâ. âWell gratulerar! Youâve made me a rich man!âÂ
You shook your head as you shared a look with Remus before hearing a scandalized âOH MY GODâ from the locker room.Â
âDocâs the one with the wicked mouth!â James shrieked, and you felt all of the blood in your body migrate to your face as you buried your face in Remusâ chest - very uncomfy due to his pads.Â
âTell us something we didnât know, Cap.â Sirius laughed. âShe hands our asses to us every day with nothing but that sharp tongue.âÂ
âBut-â
âOkay, going into the third period-â Coach started, and the topic of you and Remus (and your wicked mouth) was put to rest⌠for now.
#marauders era#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#reader insert#self insert#remus lupin#remus lupin drabble#remus lupin fic#remus lupin ficlet#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin blurb#remus lupin fluff#remus lupin fanfiction#remus x reader#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x y/n#remus lupin x self insert#hockey au#nhl au#hockey player!remus lupin#hockey player!remus#ellecdc fics
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Pale Blue [Part Two]
Geto Suguru x AFAB Pregnant Reader
READ PART ONE HERE
Warnings: THIS FIC IS CANON COMPLIANT, if you are not caught up on Jujutsu Kaisen's manga, or at the very least if you have not seen "gojo's past" you WILL be spoiled. This story contains darker themes, heavier topics, pregnancy and all the lovely details of it, and lastly explicit sexual content. Read at your own risk!
A/N: Here she is, months overdue, but here she is. I know nobody will want to read my author note considering the behemoth before you but I just want to thank you for sticking with me for so long. I am, of course, already working on part 3 and will continue to work on it as I continue my hiatus. The only thing I ask of you is to take your time and enjoy! I know I am going to be returning to inactivity very soon but your comments, reblogs, and asks are always welcomed and always appreciated. I love y'all endlessly and I hope you enjoy it.
WORD COUNT: 36.1K | Playlist
September 2007
Two weeks had passed since you discovered you were pregnant with Suguruâs baby. Now you were sitting in a dull waiting room, blinded by fluorescent lights as you waited for your name to be called. Shoko had taken the news well, not that you expected her to be shocked in any capacity. She had said something along the lines of âI knew it.â when you had told her the next day, Satoru, who was by your side, was slightly disappointed she didnât have a bigger reaction. âAre you sure you donât want me to go back with you?â Shoko had leaned closer to you, whispering so other people in the waiting room wouldn't hear. âIâm sure, Shoko. Iâll be okay.âÂ
It had taken weeks to see a doctor, mostly because she had been booked out. Your morning sickness hadnât gotten much better, so you assumed you were still lingering somewhere in your first trimester. September was slowly coming to an end, with October looming on the horizon the world had slowly begun its transition to reflect that. This transition brought you the weather you really needed, allowing you to wear comfortable baggy clothing. âThe perfect time to hide a pregnancy.â you had mused, much to Satoruâs disdain. Your leg bounced at the memory, your hand coming to rest on your stomach. It was a habit that you had picked up shortly after the test came back positive. You felt the urge to protect them, even though they were as safe as they could be, snuggling in your womb. There was truly no place safer for them right now.Â
Things hadnât gotten all that easier either, within the past two weeks, you had to live through the one month anniversary of Suguruâs deflection. It had been harder to swallow than you thought it would be, the sinking reality that four weeks had passed since you had seen his face was unbearable. Going from seeing him nearly every second of everyday to nothing at all felt as cold as the air at night. You had to wonder what he was doing at that very moment, maybe he was up making those girls breakfast. The idea of him being a father already, caring for those two little girls, it made your heart flutter and sink at the very same time. You wanted to be there, you wanted to help him, you wanted to tell him you were pregnant, that he got what he wanted.Â
âY/N Y/L/N?âÂ
You blinked back into reality as Shoko hit your arm, a nurse dressed in light pink scrubs was looking around the waiting room after calling the next name on her list. You nearly jumped out of your chair, motioning for Shoko to stay where she was as you got up and made your way over. You ignored the small grumble from her, it seems she had still intended on following you back for the appointment despite your reassurance of being okay to go alone. âGood morning dear, follow me.â You mustered the best smile you could in response,uttering a soft âmorningâ as she grabbed the door handle to enter the portion of the office that held the exam rooms. You went through the routine process, having your weight and height checked before being brought into a private room. It was different from other doctors offices, there was an ultrasound set up and various posters about sexual health and pregnancy scattered about. It made you feel a bit dizzy.Â
âSo we had you take a urine sample and get your blood while you waited, I have the results of the urine test but not the blood yet. That should be ready for you once the doctor is ready to come in and perform the exam⌠in the meantime letâs go over the basicsâ She was typing on her laptop as she spoke, looking at you briefly as you nodded. Your hands were clasped together in front of you, feeling cold and clammy at the same time. You shifted due to your nerves, the paper below you crumpling as you fidgeted. The nurse went through the basics, making sure your insurance information and home address was correct. âYouâre in college?â she questioned absentmindedly, as if trying to make small talk with you. âNo, not yet. I graduate high school in the spring.â You felt your face grow warm as she let out a soft âoh.âÂ
Luckily for you, she didnât press further and hid her judgment within seconds. You kept your eyes trained on the floor as she continued her interrogation, getting your basic health and allergies on file before shutting her laptop and gracing you with a fake smile. âAlright then, thatâs it for my portion of the exam. The doctor will be in shortly to discuss your results.â You nodded, thanking her quietly as she left the room. Silence rang in your ears as you were left alone with nothing but your thoughts. hands still clasped tightly together as you dragged your eyes away from the floor and observed the examination room. There were shelves on the wall with various pamphlets, all of them geared towards women's reproductive health and pregnancy.Â
You used to laugh at those things when you were younger, wondering if anyone would even bother taking them. Now, you were tempted to get up and go grab a few for yourself. But as you moved, the paper crinkled so loudly that it made you still again. It reminded you of just how silent the godforsaken room was, it reminded you of how alone you were. Now, as you sat there, you wished you had just let Shoko get up and follow you back here. You needed someone to talk you off the ledge, it was likely Shoko would have been allowed back here with you, considering most women brought their partners with them. It would have brought you two a good laugh for the nurses to assume you were a lesbian couple.Â
You could hear Shoko now, coming up with some asinine plot to what the nurses probably thought was going on with the two of you. Probably contemplating who your ârealâ partner was considering Shoko couldnât get you pregnant. Though, your partner still wasnât aware of his child growing within your body. Suguru should be here in this room with you, sitting in the empty chair across from the exam table you sat on. He should have been filling this empty space with jokes about how nervous you looked, making you laugh and forget why you were scared in the first place. But he wasnât. You were doing this alone. That was the part that hurt the most, because this whole âdoing it aloneâ thing was your choice.Â
At some point during your storm of emotions, you had begun to blame yourself for Suguru not being with you. Your brain took the liberty of twisting the events in your mind so harshly that they had deteriorated all together, you couldnât recall the truth anymore. Somewhere along the way, you had convinced yourself this was your choice, that Suguru wasnât here because you were keeping him away. A quick couple of knocks on the door signaled the doctorâs arrival, effectively pulling you out of your forlorn daze. âGood morning, how are you?â A short, plump woman entered the room with a cheery smile, one you couldnât help but return. âIâm alright.â Which was pure bullshit, but she didn't really need to know your whole life story.Â
âAh, thatâs better than most answers.â she chuckled to herself, setting her clipboard down on the counter and reaching for soap so she could wash her hands. You found yourself flinching, suddenly feeling bad for lying to a woman who hadnât known of your existence until walking through that door only seconds prior. âI have the results of your blood testâŚâ she started, scrubbing her hands until they turned visibly soapy. âIf it were bad news, Iâd be telling you a lot more formally than this. However, your results were looking very good! Youâre definitely pregnant.â You let out a shaky sigh of relief, hand resting over your stomach again as you smiled. âThatâs wonderful news.â because, despite everything, it really was. You could now look at this as a shimmering ray of hope peaking out among your storm clouds.Â
The doctor smiled, turning off the water and reaching for paper towels. âYour results indicate you are roughly around the eleven week mark. Youâre nearly done with your first trimester.â That was a bit jarring to you, and by the look on the womanâs face, she could tell. âItâs not unusual for some women to go a while without realizing, some women donât even know they are pregnant until they go into labor and assume itâs kidney stones. Have you missed your cycle?â She was pulling blue gloves over her hands as she spoke. So much information being thrown at you that you had to blink for a moment before uttering âIâve been going through some things in my personal life, I suppose my last cycle was sometime in June then⌠I assumed it was stress.âÂ
âThat would line up with the HCG levels, you likely got pregnant early to mid-july. But donât worry, I should be able to pinpoint it a little more accurately with an ultrasound.â Your heart skipped a beat, you hadnât expected to see your baby this soon. You watched her move to turn on the machine, brows creasing as you began trying to shift through your hazy memories. You figured it was likely useless to try and pinpoint when Suguru could have gotten you pregnant, because the damage was already done at this point. You realized you hadnât responded, clearing your throat a bit as she walked over to the machine and began turning it on. âSo, Iâll be entering my second trimester soon? I-is it alright that I didnât know for this long? I-is the baby okay?â You felt your lip tremble as you spoke, suddenly more anxious than before.Â
âOh honeyâŚâ the doctor stopped what she was doing and reached out a hand to place it over your own. âYou are perfectly fine, baby should be doing good too. Weâll get to hear their heartbeat in just a few minutes and Iâll be able to give you a rough timeline for the rest of your pregnancy. I can assure you, itâs okay that you didnât know until recently. Weâll get you on some prenatals and other vitamins to keep you and baby in tip-top shape.â Her presence was grandmotherly, it set your racing mind at ease. Mentally you would have to remember to thank Shoko for finding this woman for you. âThank you.â you breathed out as she placed some of her supplies on the metal tray beside the exam bed. You had so much you could say at that moment but thanking her was the only thing that would come out. âNo problem, honey.âÂ
A few beats of silence passed before she spoke again. âAlright, Iâm going to have you lay back and lift your shirt for me, pull down your sweatpants a bit as well.â You took a shaky breath, nodding as she moved around the table to flick off the main lights. The exam room was left in a golden glow from the small lamp on the desk in the corner, paired with the fluorescent-ish glow from the ultrasound screen. You did as she instructed, lifting your shirt and pushing down the waistband of your sweats so your stomach was no longer obstructed. âThe gel is going to be a little cold, but it warms up quick.â Your throat felt dry, so you nodded, hands clasping tightly together to rest on your chest as you watched her squirt some of the clear liquid on your abdomen. âIâm also going to have to press down a bit, which may cause some discomfort at first but I assure you that the baby is safe while I do this.â You nodded again, mouth feeling too dry to respond verbally at that moment. âAlright, letâs see your baby.âÂ
You gave a shaky smile, eyes immediately focusing on the black screen as she pressed the ultrasoundâs wand to your stomach. You flinched a bit before getting used to the feeling of the wand pressing so deeply. âSorry, honey. At this stage the baby is so small that we really need to get in there⌠if this doesnât pick them up then I may have to do an internal ultrasound.â She was walking you through each step, which you were abundantly grateful for. After a little bit of searching, she let out a happy sigh as something small and vaguely baby shaped appeared on the screen. âThere they are! At this stage they are just starting to kick and stretch, but they are too little for you to feel it yet.â You couldnât breath, eyes zeroing in on the tiny little thing that was your child. The doctor was smiling, using her other hand to take pictures and measure.Â
âAh, what an over achiever, they are nearly two inches in length right now! They are measuring a little ahead.â You couldnât help but smile, eyes turning a bit glossy. âJust like their daddy, heâd be so proud.â The words felt foreign but at the same time they felt just right, your head would surely implode if you dwelled on it for too long. The doctor only chuckled, clicking some buttons on the keyboard to snap more pictures as she moved the wand around your stomach. You were thankful she didnât inquire further about the father, though you were sure it was probably against practice to ask such personal things outright. âWell, mama, would you like to hear their heartbeat?â You inhaled sharply, eyeing her suspiciously to make sure she wasnât joking. âI-I would love to.â your tone was shaky, hands curling at your sides as she smiled. âAlright, one sec.âÂ
After a small stretch of silence, you heard it. Through the speakers, the strong and steady heartbeat of your baby met your ears. You let out a choked sob, the noise surprising you as your hand shot up to cover your mouth, it was probably the best thing youâve heard over the course of the last month. You didnât want it to end, you wanted to sit there on that table and look at your baby, hear their heartbeat, for as long as you possibly could. âThey are doing wonderful, mama. Itâs too soon to tell the gender, but the baby is doing great. You have nothing to worry about.â you nodded, heart aching a bit as she turned the sound off and pulled the wand away.Â
âIâll have those pictures printed so you can take them home.â She wiped the gel off of your stomach, tossing it in the trash before moving around the table to turn the lights on again. You sat up, wiping your eyes as you pulled your shirt down and readjusted your sweats. âThat would be wonderful, thank you.â you chuckled a bit as she handed you some tissues for your face and nose. âNow that weâve got all the fun stuff out of the way, Iâm going to prescribe you some prenatals and other vitamins like we discussed earlier. If youâll give me a few minutes, Iâll go get things in order so youâll leave here feeling a little less overwhelmed.â You smiled, thanking her again as you resituated yourself on the table. She stepped out a moment later, still grinning.Â
Once again you were âaloneâ, but this time it didnât feel all that lonely.
â
âDid you really mean what you said last week?â You set your pen down, looking across your room to see Suguru sitting at your desk. You were both working on different assignments but still wanted to spend time together. âHmm?â Suguru set his own pen down, turning his body to look at you where you sat on your own bed. âAbout⌠ya know⌠wanting to get me pregnant.â You watched a shy smile pass over Suguruâs face as he sighed. âYeah⌠I meant it.â He started softly, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. You had to chuckle at the fact that Suguru had stuffed an extra pen through his bun, just in case the other died while writing. âI guess you could say I have baby fever.âÂ
âBaby fever, huh?â you teased, putting your notebook to the side as you did. âYeah, baby fever. I just⌠fuck I donât know itâs been a thought on my mind for a while now. I keep seeing these happy families, their small children giggling and playing and⌠I started daydreaming about what it would be like to be a father. When I envisioned our baby, fuck my heart just melted.â he sighed, face turning a little red before he continued on. âI started thinking about how cute youâd look pregnant, how cute youâd be as a mom. How sweet it would be to hear their little voice calling you mama.â Your lips parted, completely entranced by the world he was painting you.Â
âSuguru.â you stated rather bluntly, smiling as his head shot up to look at you. At some point in his rambling, he had begun staring into space, as if envisioning the things he talked about. âY-yeah?â You laugh softly, crawling off your bed and crossing the small space until you stand before him. âCome here.â You smile, hands gently cupping his cheeks and forcing his head to look up at you. â I love you so much.â You started softly, thumb gingerly brushing along the plains of his cheekbone. Suguru swallowed, brown eyes observing every inch of your face. âI love you too.â He breathed, subconsciously leaning into your touch. âIf youâre serious, if you truly want a babyâŚâ
âI do.âÂ
Your lips parted before you smiled brightly, giggling a bit at his instant reassurance. â... then I am more than willing to try and conceive.â You hadnât intended for it to come out so seductive, but the way Suguruâs breathing hitched told you it had a dual effect. âReally?â You nodded, thumb still gently caressing his cheeks. âI know weâre young and all, but I think there is no time better than the present to chase your dreams.â You snorted at your own cheesiness, laughing as Suguruâs arms came around your waist to hug you tightly. âThank you.â his voice was soft, just above a whisper. âYou know, I have to ask, Suguru⌠especially since you seemed to put a ton of thought into this.âÂ
âYeah? Anything. Ask away.â You reached up and tugged the pen out of his bun, fingers moving to delicately pull his hair out of the bun itself. You always enjoyed it when he had his hair down. âWhat was the moment that made you realize it was more than just a desire, that it was something you actually wanted. I know you said you saw families and all that but⌠youâre a man of purpose. Something in particular egged you on and Iâm dying to know what.â From the way his cheeks turned red, you knew you had hit the nail on the head. He wasnât lying about the baby fever, but you knew him too well to know that it wasnât just an accumulation of events.Â
One thing in particular had been his âbreaking pointâ of sorts.Â
âAlright you caught me.â he sighed deeply, eyes glancing away from you before looking up again. âRemember that weekend I went home to visit family?â You nodded, hands sliding down to rest on his shoulders. Suguruâs arms opened, allowing you to climb onto his lap as he spoke. âWell, my cousin had just had her baby a few weeks prior. Since she knew I was coming home to visit for the weekends, she came over with her new baby to introduce us.â You nodded again, humming thoughtfully as you twirled some of his hair around your fingers. âI donât think Iâve ever held a baby before.â He added, cheeks a rosy pink instead of flaming red.Â
âAnd when she put that little baby in my arms I⌠fuck I just melted.âÂ
He swallowed, finding it endearing that you were so invested in every word he spoke. âI just remember thinking that⌠there was nothing more special than that bond. The bond between mother and child⌠between father and child. I found myself imagining what it would be like to hold my own newborn⌠and I was serious when I said every time I envisioned it, they always looked like you.â He relaxed a bit when you leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek before pulling away again. âThatâs a beautiful reason, you know.â You hugged him after saying it, letting your chin rest on his shoulders as his arms encompassed your waist and squeezed.Â
âI want to be a dad, Iâve known that from the very moment I held that baby. But I⌠if you arenât ready⌠I donât want to force you to do anything.â The vulnerability in his voice made your heart squeeze, it was very rare that Suguru was openly shy about something. âNo time better than the present, ya know.â You whispered it again, feeling his breath stutter as you spoke. âReally?â he breathed out again, as if in disbelief that you were saying yes despite already agreeing once before.Â
You nod, trying to contain your smile. âItâs not like itâll happen right away, it takes time. Most couples have to try for a while before they strike gold.âÂ
âI guess that is true, there are a lot of factors that go into this⌠itâs a miracle that women are even able to conceive in the first place when you truly look at it.â you felt yourself giggling, finding it cute that Suguru had clearly put some research into this whole idea too. He wanted it, so bad, you couldnât bear the thought of not trying to give it to him. âSo⌠what do you say, shall we start now?â you pulled away from his hug, grinning deviously at him. âRight now?â Suguru looked shocked, eyes wide and lips slightly parted before he was able to collect his thoughts. âYeah, right now.â studies could wait, of course they could. Suguru knew that just as well as you did.Â
Suguru answered you with a kiss, lips melting against your own as his hands clung to your waist.Â
â
âSo this⌠is the baby?â Satoruâs glasses hung low on his nose, blue eyes observing the glossy paper intently. âYep, thatâs the baby.â You were laying on the couch, head resting on Shokoâs lap as she absentmindedly played with your hair. âAre you⌠sure?â Satoru was having a difficult time comprehending that the white, vaguely human-shaped blob on the glossy sheets of paper was a baby. âPositive, Satoru. They donât start looking like a real human until around the twenty week mark.â Satoru shot you a glance over one of the photos, a smile tugging on his lips as he spoke âSo what youâre saying is youâre carrying an alien for a while.â This time it was Shoko to interject, shooting Satoru a glare as she threw her lighter at him. âBe nice, Satoru.âÂ
You, on the other hand, had begun to laugh. âIâll take away uncle privileges, Satoru.â
âHey! Letâs not get too hasty there, Mothership.â Satoru looked mildly offended at the idea of you pulling his uncle privileges before he could even get them. You sat up now, eyes meeting Shokoâs before you burst out laughing. âDid you just call me mothership?â You would be offended if it was anyone other than Satoru using the nickname. â...Maybe.â Satoru had set the photos down on his lap, no longer holding them up to examine like he was looking for a hidden secret. âYouâre so mean, Satoru.â Shoko sighed, sad that your warmth was no longer on her lap. âSheâs laughing, Shoko!â Satoru tried to defend his honor, it was still a rare sight to see you laughing.Â
âWhat is with all the commotion?â The three of you fell silent instantly, heads turning to see Yaga enter the common room. You had yet to inform the principal of your pregnancy, he had absolutely no idea that you were carrying Suguruâs baby. You had intended on telling him after you told Shoko the following morning, but you chickened out and had yet to find the courage. âNothing major, just hanging out.â Careful as possible, Satoru was sliding the ultrasound pictures behind the arm of the couch so Yaga couldnât see them. Luckily for the three of you, his eyes were mainly focused on you. âI hadnât heard your laugh in a while, y/n. I thought you may have lost it.âÂ
âAh, well, leave it to Satoru to find it for me again.â You smiled, an almost real smile that still felt foreign on your lips. You were certain you would never feel the joy of a real, genuine smile until Suguru was in your arms again. Though, that day may never come. You were still heavily weighing your options, knowing the choice you wanted to pick was the one that would cost you the things you had within your reach. Your love for Suguru would never blind you from the fact that you loved Shoko and Satoru just as dearly⌠at least you hoped it wouldnât. âAh, heâs good for something I suppose.â His tone was teasing, earning snickers from both you and Shoko.Â
âYou wound me, principal!âÂ
Yaga just shook his head, smiling a bit before moving to leave the room. âRemember, you three, Iâm always a call away.â You all shared a knowing glance before nodding your heads. With that, Yaga left the common area, leaving the three of you to relax again. Satoru was careful as he pulled the ultrasound pics up again, looking them over one last time before folding them neatly and reaching across to give them to you. âThat was close.â he offered with a grin as you took them and set them face down on the coffee table. âIt was, but you managed to hide them well, Toru.â You grinned as you settled back again, lying comfortably with your head on Shokoâs lap.Â
âSee, Yaga isnât wrong, he is good for something.â Shoko laughed as Satoru rolled his eyes, flipping her the finger before reaching for the lighter she had chucked at him. âYou seem to forget I can keep this.â He taunted her with her favorite lighter, you werenât even sure why she threw it in the first place considering Satoruâs infinity was able to block it. It had bounced off of his barrier and landed on the couch cushion beside him. Again, you three were lucky that Yaga hadnât seen it, he was pretty convinced Shoko had given up on the smoking habit. âGive it back, Satoru, Iâm too comfy to have her moving.â You whined as Shoko tried to get off the couch.Â
âYou heard the pregnant lady, give it.â Shoko taunted, knowing she had already won the battle thanks to you. âFine, fine, here.â he tossed it over, uttering out ânice catchâ as Shoko caught it with one hand. âSo, back to business.â Shoko smiled as she twirled the lighter around her fingers. âHow are we telling Yaga that little miss here is pregnant with the problem childâs baby?â You made a noise of annoyance at Shokoâs words, smiling a bit as she raised her eyebrow at you. âWell, I donât think it will be easy telling anyone⌠Besides you, Shoko. You took the news like a champ.â Satoru was still reeling over how calm she had been about the whole thing.Â
â
âAre you sure you want to tell her right now?â Satoru was buttoning his uniform top, you two would still have to continue on with your lives like it was any other day. âShe needs to know, there is no way I could keep this from her.â She basically already knew, but you couldnât say that to Satoru yet. Just in case Shoko had the opposite of the reaction you were anticipating. The whole concept still felt foreign to you, so did the fact that it felt natural for your hand to rest on your abdomen. You didnât think you should be adapting to this so quickly, then again what were you supposed to do?Â
âI know that, Iâm not saying we never tell her. But you still seem to be pretty in shock over this.âÂ
âWhich is exactly why I need to tell her.â If anything goes wrong in your life, Shoko has always been the person you ran to. It wasnât until Suguru left that you had started running to Satoru instead. Part of you felt guilty about that, like you were leaving her in the dust. She knew you and Satoruâs pain just as well, it hurt you to know you had started seeking comfort in him rather than her. âIf you insist, Iâll back you up all the way.â he grinned as you pouted, feet kicking idly.Â
You had snuck off and gotten dressed before he even woke up. Now all that was left was to rip off the band-aid and reveal to Shoko that she had been right all along. âIâm glad you arenât scared of Shokoâs wrath.â you laughed as you pushed off of his bed, shuffling to the door with a grin. âIâm not the one that got you pregnant, her wrath isnât directed at me.â You felt your cheeks grow warm as you shook your head, pushing his door open and heading into the hall. âYouâre too blunt sometimes, Satoru.â You felt mildly embarrassed about how he put it, that and an odd sense of possessiveness.Â
âWell itâs the truth, Suguru is the one that knocked you up.â He shrugged as he followed you out into the hall, turning to shut the door just as you reached up and smacked his shoulder. âAnd youâre fucking vulgar! Be kind!â your tone was a mix of teasing and annoyance, one Satoru knew quite well. If he had to work you up to get glimpses of your old self, then so be it. âI am being kind, youâre just being sensitive.â risky thing to say to a woman, nevermind a pregnant woman.Â
âYou are a menace, Gojo Satoru.â You huffed, crossing your arms to glare at him as he replied with a sheepish grin. âHey, sorry, I canât help it sometimes. Youâre just so easy to tease.â He made a kissy face at you, watching your nose scrunch in amusement before turning to head down the hall. âIâll have to work on making things harder for you, Satoru.â You sighed as he whistled. âDonât quite know how Suguru would feel about that.â He was laughing when you turned to swing on him, a smile pulling at your lips as he blocked you. âA menace and a perv⌠Iâll start sharing Shokoâs bed.âÂ
âHey! No way! Youâre so warm, I like having you in my bed.â Satoru pouted, as if you were a cat looking to find a new home. âEh, donât know how Suguru would feel about that.â You mimicked him, smiling widely now as he rolled his eyes. âI guess youâre right.â Ever since you realized, it has become a little easier to say Suguruâs name. You had to wonder why, your emotions were still a stormy mess but⌠speaking about him didnât really hurt that bad right now. Maybe you were just riding on a high of emotions, but compared to the low from the night before⌠you had doubts.Â
âShoko!â you knocked on her door, glancing back at Satoru as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He was pretty sure he was masking his anxiety well, but you knew better than anyone that Satoru was mentally shitting his pants at the idea of informing Shoko about your predicament. âOne minute!â Her voice rang from the other side of the door, mildly surprised in tone to hear you. She had expected Satoru, just as she had been expecting him every morning to go pull you out of your depression pit dorm room. For you to be at her door too⌠something was up.Â
âWhatâs with the welcome party?â Shokoâs door swung open, eyes traveling over the two of you with a quirked brow. âGot some news for yaâŚâ you started bold, not missing the way Satoru inhaled sharply. âNews for me? About?â she had no idea where you could be going with this, but she assumed any direction you took would lead to Suguru somehow. âWell you see⌠that conversation we had yesterdayâŚâ and Shoko knew immediately. âShoko, Iâm pregnant.âÂ
âOh, okay.â
âThat⌠youâre fucking kidding me! Thatâs IT?â Satoru looked completely appalled at the womanâs casual response. You were a bit surprised yourself but that didnât stop you from laughing at Satoruâs over reaction. âYeah, thatâs it. Am I supposed to scream or something?â Shoko was stepping into the hall, turning to shut her dorm roomâs door before turning back to face you and Satoru. âSo what do we do now?â Satoru couldnât believe it, from the gut wrenching sobs you had made, he half expected the world to implode when it was time for you to tell another person.Â
SoâŚwhen it didnât⌠he couldnât quite get over it. âThatâs a great question, honestly I have no idea.â You sighed, feeling a little antsy as you turned to walk down the hall. âYa know, this isnât fair.â Satoru pouted, arms crossing as he followed after you with no hesitation. âWhat isn't fair?â Shoko questioned as she fell into step beside you. âThat you got the easy reveal and the easy reaction. She nearly gave me a fucking heart attack last night! I mean really I felt my balls shrivel.âÂ
You nearly tripped over your own two feet at that, laughter so genuine bubbling out of you that it made the previous night feel like a distant memory. âEw TMI Satoru.â Shoko plugged her nose, sticking her tongue out as the three of you made your way down the stairs and out to the sunny day ahead. âItâs the damn truth.â Satoru mumbled under his breath as you pushed through the double doors, shoving his sunglasses further up his face in an attempt to block out the blinding sun.Â
âI mean Iâll side with him this time, Shoko. I really did scare the life out of him. I thought he was going to faint.â You had collapsed into his arms, if anyone was about to faint, it would have been you. âThatâs only half true.â Satoru mumbled in defeat, throwing himself down on a picnic table bench and watching as you and Shoko clambered into the other side. âItâs not important right now, whatâs important is trying to figure out what the hell Iâm supposed to do now. I donât want anyone knowing besides the two of you. Not Yaga, not Utahime, Meimei, NanamiâŚâÂ
âWe get it.â Satoru stuck his tongue out, feeling far cheekier than usual this morning. Maybe it was because he was still partially convinced he had smacked his head and this was all a dream. âSo rude this morning, Toru~â there was a hint of a smile on your face though, one that had the tips of his ears burning pink as you turned to look at Shoko. âThe first thing we need to do is get you a doctor. If the tests came back positive, it still needs to be confirmed with blood work. Along with that they need to make sure the baby is actually growing.â Shoko pulled out a pack of cigarettes as she spoke.
âOkay, so, doctors is the next step⌠then what?â Satoru questioned, watching the flame ignite on the end of Shokoâs lighter. âThen I grow the baby till they are ready to be born.â You said in a bored tone. You knew what Satoru was implying but you werenât ready to cross that bridge yet. Suguru needed to know, you were still hanging onto that fact. You couldn't do this without him. âOh gee I would have never guessed.â Satoru deadpanned as he snatched Shokoâs pack, ignoring her glare as he also snatched her lighter. âIâm not in the mood to discuss that part yet, Satoru.âÂ
Your tone was final, so much so that Shoko merely nodded, eyes glaring holes into Satoruâs head so he wouldn't dare push the topic. He swallowed his words, putting the cigarette to his lips before mumbling out âfine, Iâll drop it⌠for now.âÂ
â
The day had come and gone, night had fallen once more and you found yourself lounging in Satoruâs bed. He was showering at the moment so you had it to yourself, the dim light of the little lamp on his desk was just enough for you to admire the ultrasound photos. You had been looking at them on and off all day, still struggling to comprehend that it was your baby. âItâs crazy that youâll continue to grow into a living, breathing, talking person. Youâll have your own personality, your own thoughts, your own voiceâŚâ you hummed softly, hand resting on your abdomen as you spoke to your babyâs pictures. It all felt so damn surreal.Â
âI wonder what your daddy would thinkâŚâ You felt your voice crack as you whispered those words out loud. Your heart was still aching from his absence, but with your child growing, it was hard to feel totally alone. Part of him was growing within you, you just needed him to know it. You straightened the moment Satoruâs bathroom door opened, wiping your eyes in an attempt to make it look like you were yawning instead. âNot visiting Shoko tonight?â Satoru smiled, white shirt hanging on his lean frame, a towel resting on his shoulders and collecting the water droplets from his damp hair. âNah, she said she needed to get some stuff done.âÂ
âSheâs such a procrastinator, the deadlines for those med-school applications are like two days from now.â You nodded, you werenât quite sure how your friend intended on getting the seven applications done in time. âI highly doubt sheâll be truthful to them anyways.â You laughed, she was determined to get in with no prior college experience or any experience in the medical field save for her curse technique. But, if there was anyone who could cheat their way into med-school, it would definitely be Shoko. âSheâll somehow be fine⌠she always is.â Satoru chuckled as he moved about his room, picking up his towel to dry his white locks.Â
With his back turned to you, he nearly whispered what he said next. âYouâre sad again.â You felt your brows twitch before forcing them into perfectly maintained neutrality. âWhen have I not been sad, Satoru?â you tried softly, folding the ultrasound pictures neatly together again from their extended accordion strip. âYou know what I mean, y/n. You were crying before I came in.â You stopped folding, inhaling shakily before turning to meet his gaze. âI wasnât crying yet. You actually interrupted me, Satoru.â you werenât even sure why you had been trying to hide it in the first place. There was no sneaking anything by him. Those six eyes of his were always on alert, always observant, even more so nowadays.Â
Satoru was still quiet, his towel resting on his shoulders again as he turned to observed you. âI miss him terribly, Satoru. Nothing is going to fix that.â You could tell he was stewing on something, but he was holding himself back. âSay it, whatever it is you're thinking, say it.â This time, he looked mildly surprised, not used to being the one so easily read. âYouâre not going to see him.â He stated rather plainly, but you could see his jaw clenching after he uttered the words out loud. You felt your stomach twist in the same way it had with your morning sickness⌠morning sickness you had become quite acquainted with at this point.Â
âI didnât plan on it.â You shot back, lying through your teeth like he wouldnât be able to pick you apart in an instant. âYeah, bull shit y/n. Iâm not stupid.â You felt anger bubbling over the nausea, not particularly enjoying the way he was talking down to you. âWatch your tone, Satoru.â Dangerously low, full of promise. It was enough to snap him back into reality for a second. âSorry.â he started âIâll be more mindful. However, that doesnât change my previous statement.â You felt your head tilting, eyes narrowing as you sized the strongest sorcerer up. âYou do not get to decide what I can and cannot do, Satoru.âÂ
There, you finally said it, maybe it was very indirect but Satoru knew exactly what you meant with those words. He looked stunned, but at the same time if he had any fight left in him, he wasnât going to push upon the matter. Your gaze didnât soften, rather it continued to size him up until his shoulders sagged. âForget I said anything, youâre right. I donât get a say in it.â Yet, you could tell he was saying it just to maintain peace. You weighed your options, was it really worth giving up your sanity for a fight you werenât willing to have yet? In the end, you swallowed your emotions, wondering if it was possible that your hormones were already causing mood swings. âWe can discuss this when we are both ready⌠not weighed down by our own baggage.âÂ
Finally, your gaze had returned to its normal, slightly sad state. Satoru found that it was easier for him to breathe again, so he pulled the towel off his shoulders and turned to enter his bathroom. âI agree.â He called as he hung the damp towel over the top of his curtain rods, letting it air dry till morning so he could put it in the hamper to be washed. âLetâs talk about something else, yeah?â He emerged with a smile, the tension in the room subsiding considerably as you relaxed back into his covers, comfortable under his blankets. âGladly.â You teased him, turning onto your side as he flopped down beside you. âDo you have any name ideas yet?âÂ
You blinked, not thinking that was the route he was going to take. âOh-uhm⌠well Iâve certainly thought about it over the last two weeks. I donât know if I want to find out their gender⌠Iâm tempted to wait until they are born. Makes it more fun that way but⌠Iâm eager.â You confess with a dreamy smile, one that has Satoruâs lips parting in awe for a moment before he quickly recovers. âI donât know how youâd do it, Iâve been itching to know since you told me.â He confessed softly, eyes lingering to where your hand had found its new home. He didnât think a day had gone by in these last few weeks where he didnât see your hand resting on your stomach.Â
âI donât know if Iâll be able to do it, Satoru. When the time comes, when she asks if I want to know the gender⌠I donât think Iâll be able to say no.â You laughed softly, you were indifferent to what your babyâs gender would be. You didnât care if they were a boy or a girl, you would be over the moon with either. But you were dying to know so you could buy them things, settle on a good name, look at baby furniture⌠âAre you going to share the name ideas or are you keeping them a secret?â He questioned when he saw you were starting to space out. He had been keen on trying to ground you in the present lately.Â
âOh wellâŚâ you started softly, suddenly shy to share the names you and Suguru had discussed what felt like centuries ago at this point. âFor a boy, we discussed names like Ren, Ritsu, Isamu⌠oh and we really liked the name Hajime.â For some reason it felt very intimate to share this information. âBut of course⌠it all depends on what he looks like. We can pick any name we want but really you canât make the decisions till you meet them.â Satoru nodded, âI would go out on a limb to suggest Satoru⌠pretty solid name in my opinion.â You started to laugh, slapping his chest lightly âYouâre relentless, Satoru.âÂ
âI may be relentless, but you love me.â He countered as you rolled your eyes. âI, unfortunately, have to agree with that.â You smiled at him, settling further into the bed before he spoke again. âHow about girl names?â Satoru questioned, genuine curiosity shining in his eyes. âOh well, we have way more of those than we do boy names. Suguru is particularly attached to Ayame and Sachi.â Satoru felt his cheeks redden, it seemed that it was just now hitting him how intimate this moment was. âI rather like Sachi and Ayame too but I really like the name Hanako.â There were a few others but you knew those three were the top contenders for a baby girl.Â
âI mean Satoru can be a unisex nameâŚâ He added softly, trying to lighten the mood a bit because this was all starting to feel way too personal. Not that he really minded, it was more for his sake than yours. Laying in bed beside you, discussing baby names, it was playing with his head. âIt is fully a male name, I would not name my little girl Satoru.â You laughed softly, trying to stifle your yawn as you pushed his shoulder. âOkay fine, Iâll drop the Satoru name agenda⌠for now.â You just smiled at him, shaking your head in an attempt to ignore the way your eyelids were steadily dropping. âYouâre trying to fight your sleep?â this time, Satoru pushed your shoulder.Â
âI guess I amâŚâ you yawned, eyes watering â... I just like talking to you, Toru.â You felt warm and safe snuggled under his blankets and under the gaze of his watchful eyes. âI like talking to you too butâŚâ his voice had cracked, heat flooding his cheeks as your eyes closed a little more. âBut you need your rest, youâre literally growing another human inside of you. Iâll be here in the morning.â You nodded, eyes nearly closed completely at this point. âI guess youâre rightâŚâ he couldnât help but chuckle. âAlways guessing and never just admitting Iâm right⌠good night.â He finished in a way you couldnât argue with, leaving you to just sleepily hum in acknowledgment.Â
â
He would stay awake longer than he wanted to, simply to watch your chest rise and fall as you slept soundly. He would remind himself with every small flutter of your eyelashes that you were dreaming, you were alive, you were breathing. Most importantly, heâd try and make himself believe that you weren't on your way out the door, leaving him behind just as Suguru had.Â
But he knew better, god dammit he knew better and he hated himself for it.Â
He could see it, with each passing day, each passing hour, your heart was choosing its path. The path that led straight out of his life and into the arms of the man you really loved. How he wished it was him, how desperately, selfishly Satoru wished it were him that you loved. The guilt would gnaw at his chest, making it feel like someone was ripping his heart open tendon by tendon, the blood leaking out an inky black. So weighed down by his guilt that it was tainted.Â
He had tried, for years he had tried to suppress it. But nothing in this universe could block out the love he held for you so deep in his chest that it took the air from his lungs. He loved you, with every fiber of his being, even now he couldnât understand how he had gotten so close to you without cracking and shattering to the floor like fine china. Satoru knew that even a month ago, the idea of holding you as you cried would have seemed like an impossible task.Â
Not because he couldnât restrain himself, god he couldnât even think of you in that way without feeling immense guilt. But because he didnât think he would ever be able to let you go. Initially he had been right, he had struggled, albeit for a fraction of a second, but he had let you go. Had you told him two months ago that he would be falling asleep with you beside him, he would have fainted on the spot, he was sure of it.Â
Because even though he finally had you beside him, it wasnât in the way he truly wanted.Â
The way he truly wanted would forever be unattainable, for you were not his to keep. You had been right, you had been so god damn right when you said that he had no say in what you could and couldnât do⌠and it killed him. Fuck did it kill him in every way but literally. If he could, he would keep you by his side forever, away from the man he still considered his one and only best friend, he would raise your baby with you so you didnât need Suguru to feel whole.Â
But that was not the route you were going to take, and he knew it. He knew it was only a matter of time until you ripped his chest wide open and left him only a fraction of the man he was. Suguru already had one half of his heart, if you were to leave, you would be taking the only half Satoru had left with you. Leaving him with nothing, completely and utterly alone. Why couldnât you see he was more than enough for you?Â
He was convinced he could give you a good, if not better life than what Suguru could offer you. He could provide for you and your child and you would never have to lift a finger for the rest of your life. You wouldnât have to be a jujutsu sorcerer, you wouldnât have to work to make money. He could give you and your baby everything you could ever desire. It was a selfish thought, the selfish desire to have someone he couldnât.Â
Somewhere along the way, amid his heartbreak over Suguru, he had foolishly believed he could win your heart. As if Suguruâs deflection would suddenly make it easier, make it okay for him to pursue you. What a childish thought, what a selfish, naive thought. He loved you too much to put you in that position, he loved Suguru too much to betray him like that⌠even though Suguru had arguably done much worse.Â
He inhaled shakily, watching your lips wobble as you must have dreamt about something. It grounded him for a moment, making everything in his room feel a little too real yet not real at all. Like he hadnât been aware this whole time that he was alive, that this wasnât some nightmare. For a moment, he was certain he would black out from the crushing weight of the realization.Â
So he forced his eyes to close, squeezing shut so tight that colors and odd shapes began to blossom behind his eyelids. It didnât help the way his chest had begun to rise and fall in a pattern that was starting to look like a panic attack. He didnât know who to go to, he didnât know who he could go to for help. The two people he always ran to were the two people he couldnât.Â
How was it possible he felt so alone when you were sleeping right beside him? How was it possible that he still ached for you when he knew you would take his heart and stomp on it. You were a ticking time bomb, and it was only a matter of days until your timer went out. So why wasnât he savoring this? Why wasnât he soaking in every second he had with you before you left?Â
How was he already mourning you when you were right beside him?Â
â
Late November 2007Â
âItâŚItâŚâ you huffed, trying to force the buttons of your white top together. âIt doesnât fit?â Shoko questioned with an amused face, watching you lose your breath as you tried to make the buttons clasp. Your stomach had grown considerably over the last few weeks, it was now becoming increasingly difficult to hide the fact that you were twenty weeks pregnant. âItââ you huffed out again, whining as the button you closed popped back open. Defeated, you flopped onto Shokoâs mattress, uttering out a weak âIt doesnât fit.â as she began to laugh.Â
âLinen like this isnât forgiving. Youâre going to have to hope your jacket fits at least, or else youâll be telling Yaga whether you want to or not.â You whine again, hands coming down to rest on the swell of your stomach. It had been an experience to learn you were pregnant a few months back, but to see and feel the physical proof of your child was even more surreal. You had managed to sneak past Yaga for the most part, something Satoru couldnât even grasp. âShoko, I give up.â She quirked an eyebrow at you as you struggled to get up. âAlready?âÂ
âYeah, already. Iâm not going to be able to fit into my uniform and I donât think I have the energy to try it.â The second trimester had been more forgiving than the first, but you had found yourself quickly running out of breath and stamina. It was only a matter of time until you had to take a break walking up a single flight of stairs. âIâm telling Yaga today. Fuck this.â With your white button up still only covering your breasts, you pushed out of Shokoâs bedroom and marched down the hall towards Satoruâs.Â
âSatoru! Give me some clothes!â you yelled before even making it to his door, banging on it only once before he was pulling it open, visibly confused. âWhat in the hell happened to you?â He tried not to snicker, looking over your half-assed appearance. Luckily your uniform skirt was covering your ass but even then, it really didnât fit you. âGive me some clothes, none of mine fit me anymore, Toru.â You pout, chest rising and falling a little faster than it usually did.Â
âAlright, alright, come on in.â He pushed his glasses up his face, trying not to show any sort of amusement at the way your bump was fully out in the open. Turning, he made his way to his dresser and pulled out a knit sweater and some sweatpants. âThey may be too big for you, weâll have to go shopping later for a new wardrobe that fits you.â You caught the knit as he tossed it, you could have easily gone down the hall to your own room and gotten some of Suguruâs clothing. But, for some reason, you had chosen Satoru.Â
He hated to admit it but it gave him butterflies.Â
âIâm going to have to tell Yaga.â you grumbled as you undid the few buttons you had managed to get shut, tossing the garment to the floor a moment later. âOh? Weâre already at that point, huh?â Satoru leaned against his dresser, watching as you pulled his knit sweater over your head, effectively masking the fact that you were twenty weeks pregnant. âWe are, Iâm not in the mood to keep sneaking around him.â You shimmied out of your too tight skirt, whining as you kicked it away. You have certainly gotten more whiny and irritable over the last few days.Â
Maybe it was because you were antsy, with each passing day your child grew. Meaning that Suguru was going on with his day to day life, completely unaware. You had finally decided on your resolve not too long ago, while showering one night in your own room. He needed to know, you couldnât live with yourself if you grew this baby and birthed them without Suguru ever knowing. âAre we going the second youâre done getting dressed?â Satoru shifted his weight from foot to foot as you stepped into the pair of sweatpants he had given you.Â
âYep.â you were curt, worn out already from an action as simple as putting on clothes. âDo we even have a game plan?â Shokoâs sudden appearance made you both jump, your head whipping around so fast it would have been comical to the two of them if they didnât know any better. Pregnancy mood swings were no joke, Satoru learned the hard way only a few days prior when teasing you and nearly losing a finger to your curse technique. âNo, but I donât see why I need to dance around the obvious. I tell him Iâm pregnant and we move on.âÂ
You shrug, struggling to tie the string of Satoruâs sweatpants due to your stomach. âHere , let me.â Satoru closed the distance and easily tied the string in a quick knot, laughing a bit as you huffed out a thanks. âSo youâre just going to drop an atomic bomb on the poor man and move on?��� Shoko questioned curiously as she flicked her lighter. âYeah, I am. And then the two of you are coming with me to go get maternity clothes.â You sigh, hand smoothing over your now barely visible bump, smiling a bit at the fluttering kick baby gave you. âBaby agrees, so no declining.âÂ
Satoru saluted you âwhatever you say, sergeant.â That made you laugh, tension from your clothes not fitting melting off of your shoulders as you turned to leave. âOh wow, so weâre going right now.â Shoko fell into step beside you as you marched down the hall, leaving Satoru to scramble and get his dorm door shut before following after you. âNo better time than the present, I want to get an early start with my day⌠you know Iâve been tiring easier nowadays.â One thing you hadnât fully been prepared for was the amount of physical changes your body would go through.Â
Sure you knew the basics like your stomach would grow, your breasts would get bigger, you would get bloated⌠but you hadnât thought about how strenuous the whole thing would be. Though, it made sense when you sat down in Shokoâs bed one night with your laptop. âOh, so baby pushes all of my organs out of the wayâŚâ To which Shoko had made a fake gagging noise. You used it as a way to antagonize Satoru the next morning, watching the man turn a shade of green as you proudly explained why you had been losing your breath.Â
âI guess thatâs true⌠itâs almost nine in the morning so I assume Yaga will be in his office.â Satoru sighed as he walked just a step behind you, pulling out his flip phone to file through a few news articles as you three walked. âGood, that means heâll already be sitting when he gets the shock of his life.â Shoko sighed, pocketing her lighter and unlit cigarette as the three of you left the dorm buildings and began walking through the courtyard towards Yagaâs office. âI mean, I donât really think it's that big of a deal.â You shrugged, waddling slightly as you moved.Â
âYouâre carrying the black sheepâs baby, of course it's a big deal.âÂ
You glared at Satoru as he finally had enough space to walk beside you. âI donât mean it in a bad way, itâs just⌠a lot has happened. The man already beats himself up over the whole thing and now one of his students who he has been trying to watch so diligently⌠has hid the fact that sheâs like five months pregnant. That's even more of a mindfuck.â That made you stop walking for a second, your nonchalant attitude towards it all seemed pretty selfish now that you had heard what Satoru said. âIâŚshitâŚI didnât think about it like that.âÂ
âHey, itâs not your fault, youâve had like three whole months to cope with this and sort things out. It's normal for you now, sometimes itâs hard to see it from new perspectives once youâve gotten so used to it.â Shoko had listened intently, eyes shifting between you and Satoru. âYouâre awfully philosophical this morning, Satoru.â The white haired man immediately pushed his glasses further up his nose, cheeks dusting pink as he shrugged. âI dunno, Iâve just had time to think.â She dropped it, focusing her attention back on you as you seemed to inhale deeply.Â
âI⌠Iâm still telling him. Iâll be gentle with my delivery but I have to rip off the bandaid.â And with that you were walking past them again, leaving the two to follow behind you as you carried yourself with a new purpose. âDo you want us to go in with you?â Shoko asked softly as the three of you crossed the courtyard and entered the building âNo⌠It's best for it to now be some sort of show.â You knew theyâd find a way to listen in on the conversation anyways. âAlright but if we hear screaming or the thud of a grown man passing out, weâre coming in.â Satoru sounded uninterested but you knew him better than to believe his facade.Â
âYeah, got it.âÂ
With that, you were heading up the steps to the second floor. Yagaâs office was the last door on the left, you couldn't even collect your thoughts enough to practice what you were going to say. At this point, it was better to just let it happen naturally. Your hands smoothed over your covered bump one last time before you stood in front of his doorway âHere goes nothing, little one.â It was still comforting to you to know your baby was always with you. âPrincipal? Are you in there?â you knocked softly, hoping your voice carried through the thick wood of the door.Â
âY/N? Yes, Iâm in here, come in.â You let out a shaky breath, pulling at Satoruâs knit to make sure your bump wasnât visible at all. You pushed the door open, relishing in the feeling of the cold wood under your fingertips before stepping into his office. âGood morning, principal.â you spoke softly, shutting the door behind you with a soft click. Yaga was sitting at his desk, papers scattered over his desk and a couple resting in one of his hands. âGood morning, Y/N⌠is something wrong?â You rarely came to his office to speak with him, you knew that much would have his suspicions up within the first seconds.Â
âNothing is wrongâŚper say.â Your hands clasped behind your back. âBut you need to tell me something, donât you?â he questioned softly, setting the papers in hands down as you began to rock on your feet. It felt as if a swarm of butterflies were fluttering around your lungs, making it almost hard to breathe as you nodded in confirmation. âPlease, come sit.â but your feet wouldnât move, gluing you to the small space where you were rocking back and forth on your heels. âPlease, sir, Iâm very antsy so I think itâs best for me to say this while standing.âÂ
âA-alright, Y/N youâre making me a bit nervous. So pleaseâŚâ He swallowed, hands clasping together on his desk as he looked at you expectantly. â...If it is about SuguruâŚâ and you nodded, eyes downcast on the two chairs before his desk. âListen, this⌠I donât even know how to spit this out so forgive me if itâs harsh.â You cleared your throat, not liking how hoarse it was already sounding. Yaga didnât answer, instead he nodded his head even though he could tell your focus wasnât on him. âSuguru and I⌠we had been dating since our first year here.âÂ
âYes, I know that muchâŚâ Soft and unsure, he couldn't quite understand where you were taking this conversation. Though he could certainly guess a handful of routes, what alarmed him most was the fact that Satoru and Shoko werenât by your side. âWe⌠We were very serious about each other, Principal. He always spoke to me about getting married, starting a familyâŚâ you looked up at him then, teeth worrying into the side of your cheek as you tried to get the next part out. Yagaâs forehead had creased in worry âOkay⌠Y/N have you had contact with him since?âÂ
âI- no, I havenât heard from him since the letter he left me before he left. No contact sir, thatâs not what Iâm trying to get at anywaysâŚâ You huffed, hands unclasping and reaching up to rub your face as you grew frustrated with yourself. âPrincipal I⌠Iâve been hiding something from you for months now and I am no longer able to hide it any longer.â That had him straightening in his chair, eyes narrowing as he waited for you to continue. You took a shaking breath, knowing there were no words that would make this any less jarring for your principal.Â
âPrincipal Yaga IâŚâ carefully you grabbed the hem of Satoruâs knit sweater, pulling it tight so it hugged the swell of your baby bump. â... Iâm twenty weeks pregnant with Suguruâs baby.âÂ
You watched as the manâs narrow gaze turned considerably wide before softening. âOhâŚwow.â He cleared his throat, pulling the sunglasses that had been hanging low on his face off all together. You let the knit go slowly, hiding the bump again as your principal reached up to rub his eyes. âAre you⌠principal are you crying?â you sounded mildly aghast at the sight. âNo no IâŚâ but he was. After a moment he set his hands down, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. âIâm sorry I'm sure thatâs not the best reaction to receive after telling someone youâreâŚâÂ
âYeah itâs⌠well itâs not as bad as I feared.â you cut him off, laughing a bit because among all the emotions you could sense, anger was not one of them. âIâm sorry you felt the need to hide this from me for⌠damn nearly five monthsâŚâ he mulled over the fact that you had said you were twenty weeks into this, well into your second trimester. âI just didnât know how to go about it sir⌠only Shoko and Satoru are aware of my⌠circumstances.â Yaga nodded, muttering a soft âI figured that much.â before sighing heavily. âSuguru has no idea.â he spoke softly, watching you nod with a sad look on your face. âI found out two weeks after heâŚleft.âÂ
So not only had you been dealing with the defection of your boyfriend - whom you loved with your entire being - you had also been reeling with the news of your own pregnancy. âI⌠youâre so young and youâve already gone through so much.â Yaga spoke more to himself than you, that didnât stop you from trying to lighten the mood. âA complicated life comes with the job of being a sorcerer. You know that Principal.â You laughed, hands finding their home on top of the swell of your stomach. Seeing you smile eased some of Yagaâs concerns.Â
âI suppose⌠Iâm glad you were able to tell me. I⌠take it you wonât be fitting into your uniform from here on out?â he looked you over, recognizing the clothes to likely be Satoruâs. âOh yeah, itâs not happening from here on out.â You laughed a bit âIf itâs alright with you, Iâll be heading into the city with Satoru and Shoko to get some clothes that fit me⌠I can look for some clothes reminiscent of our uniform.â you laugh a little more, watching a smile crack on his features. âOr I could see about getting you a uniform altered to fit you as you grow. Either way youâll need some normal clothing that fits youâŚâ he sighed as you nodded.
âYou three be careful, I know youâre all more than capable but⌠still.â He sighed, voice raising a little bit âIf either of them get hurt, Iâm blaming you, Satoru.â Behind you, the wooden door flung open. âHey!â But, realizing he and Shoko had been caught for eavesdropping, Satoruâs cheeks flushed pink. You whirled around, bursting out in laughter as Shokoâs hand covered her own mouth in attempts of hiding her own giggles. âI stand by what I said⌠Now go, have fun.â He sighed, arms unfolding as he sat forward in his chair to continue mulling over paperwork.Â
âAlright, thank you, Principal. I appreciate you for being so understanding.âÂ
He gave you a warm smile and a soft nod, watching you exit with the other two. Once Yagaâs door was shut with a soft click, once he heard your voices and feet fading down the hall, his smile dropped. âThat poor girlâŚâ he wasnât mad that you were pregnant, nor was he mad that you had hidden it from him. He was more so sad that you had felt the need to hide it, especially regarding your circumstances with Suguru and all.Â
Which opened a whole new can of worms, he couldn't quite believe that you would keep such news from Suguru⌠maybe thatâs why heâd noticed Shoko and Satoru always by your side.Â
Maybe it wasnât just to support a dear friend going through heartbreak. Perhaps they felt it too, felt that you were going to slip through their fingers just as Suguru had.Â
â
âAre you sure clothes shopping is the task you really want to complete right now?â Shoko puffed out smoke as she talked to you, navigating the busy sidewalks with ease as Satoru led the way. âIt needs to be done, I canât wear Satoruâs clothing forever.â Shoko understood that ideology and all, but you had been ready to blow your brains out this morning over a linen dress shirt not buttoning. At this rate, she was certain just about any clothing not fitting you would get you worked up like the world was ending. âShe can borrow my clothes any time.âÂ
Satoru laughed as he looked back at you, finding it hysterical that even with the sweats tied, you had to keep pulling them up. At this point, they were nearly at your chest, relying solely on your stomach to keep them from falling down. âAll due respect, Toru. I look like a fucking clown in these pants⌠your tops may not be safe from me but I need pants that fit.â Satoru shook his head, an amused smile as he finally found the clothing store you loved.Â
âYou can help yourself to my shirts and sweaters any time, Y/N. You know that.â You scrunch your nose, shaking your head a bit as you stop in front of a store he had walked right past. âIâll try this one first.â You could hear Shoko laugh as the automatic doors open for you, Satoruâs feet slapping the pavement as he stomped back to where you were. âDonât get pissy cause you strolled right by, Toru.â But he only grumbled, falling to the side as Shoko shoved him teasingly.Â
You spent the next fifteen minutes browsing the racks, finding things in various sizes that youâd unfortunately have to try on. All the while, Satoru had found his home on a bench in the middle of the bustling store, his legs crossed as he sorted through things on his phone. âI think this one will be cute, but youâll have to try it on in this size and this size.â Shoko handed you a knit sweater similar to the one you were already wearing, a smile on her face as she spotted something else. âWeâll have to find a proper maternity store.âÂ
Shoko mumbled as she filled through the racks again for the article of clothing in your size range. âSatoru, go see if they have a baby store around here.â Shoko ordered the man who didnât move a muscle. âYeah, no way.â You snickered as you dropped a few more items on his lap. Dutifully, he held them there with one hand while looking at his small phone screen. âIâll just go ask one of the employees here.â you wandered off after saying that, hearing Shoko scold Satoru for making the pregnant woman go look for help.Â
You moved with ease through the busy aisles, walking past the floor to length mirrors as you did so. Just beyond the windows was the busy sidewalks of downtown Tokyo, mid-day sun making it look much later than it was due to the shortening days. You werenât sure what possessed you to be so observant as you walked the length of the store, really you should have been looking for an associate. But there, across the street, visible between the people passing by, was a person you would recognize anywhere. You felt your heart stop at the sight.Â
You questioned it for only a split second, feet frozen in place as you watched two young girls come bouncing out of a cafe with drinks in hand. He smiled at them, a smile you had only been able to see in your dreams, before turning to head down the sidewalk with them in tow. It took you all of two seconds to collect yourself enough to move. Without thinking much beyond the fact that Suguru was across the street from you, you moved as fast as your feet could carry you without breaking out into an all out sprint.Â
You couldnât hear anything beyond the ringing in your ears, had you been able to you would have heard the confused calls of your name from Shoko and Satoru as they watched you run out the door. You couldn't breath as you moved down the sidewalk, eyes laser focusing on the back of Suguruâs head as he moved among the many bobbing heads. Your inability to breathe in that moment stopped you from calling out to him, though you doubt he would have been able to hear you anyways. Still, you pushed through the people flooding the sidewalk, not acknowledging a single disgruntled look as your feet carried you towards him.Â
Move. Move faster. Fucking move faster!
You screamed inside of your own mind, ignoring the way your body screamed in protest from the amount of physical movement. For the first time in months, Suguru was in your reach and yet you couldnât seem to close the distance. It was like some nightmare, no matter how fast you moved, Suguru never seemed to get any closer to you. Yet, you still saw the back of his head, he was still there, you wouldnât give up until you couldnât see him anymore. It was creeping up on you with each and every step, the deep rooted heartbreak from his departure.Â
For some reason, it felt like you were ripping open a wound that hadnât even begun to heal yet. Yanking each carefully placed stitch with nothing more than dull fingernails. It came undone easily, blood leaking out in time with the pounding of your heart as Suguruâs head disappeared around the corner of an intersection. A feeble cry of âNo!â left your lips, just as labored as your breathing as you reached the end of the sidewalk and looked right in the direction he had turned. But, there was no sight of him anymore, gone from your view once again.Â
You felt the steady build in your chest, creeping up your throat as you felt the urge to sob violently where you stood. Yet the tears wouldnât come, catching somewhere in your throat so you truly felt like there was no air in your lungs. âWhat the fuck was that?â Satoruâs voice pulled you from your daze, your head turning to see a concerned Shoko and Satoru panting as they caught up to where you now stood. Yet, you couldnât hold Satoruâs bewildered gaze for long, eyes returning to the street once more. âIâŚâ you started, barely hearing yourself as you spoke.Â
âI saw⌠I saw him. It was him.â you managed to spit out, lips parted as you tried to force air in your lungs. âHim? As in Suguru?â Shoko spoke for Satoru, had you been able to turn your head and meet his gaze you would have seen that he had turned as pale as a sheet of paper. You could only muster a nod, shoulders shaking with the force of your breathing as you tried to ground yourself in reality once again. So many emotions were running rampant through your head that it was turning into a dull buzz where none of them could make their way up to the surface.Â
âYouâre⌠positive it was him?â Shoko closed what little distance there was, hand resting on your bicep as if she was afraid youâd take off running again. âP-positive. Iâd know him anywhere⌠The little girls were with him too.â You felt your baby kick, your hand flying up to rest on the swell of your stomach as you were finally grounded by their movement. âSorry honey⌠I didnât mean to scare you.â you spoke downwards, soothing your hand over the knit sweater to comfort the child within your womb. You doubted it would really comfort them, more so it was to comfort you.
You pulled your gaze away from the busy street, head turning to look at Satoru but the man was already taking off in the direction you had claimed to see Suguru go. âS-satoru?â Shokoâs head turned with yours, watching him stalk down the busy sidewalk. âHeâŚâ You started, but your voice sounded hollow as Shoko began guiding you back in the direction you had come from. âBut⌠heâŚâ Your head followed Satoru until Shoko had guided you away from the intersection and down the sidewalk. âLeave him be.â Shoko spoke slowly, head trained forward.
âBut he⌠SatoruâŚâ Shoko cut you off with a tug a little harder than the others âSatoru is a big boy, you are pregnant. You are in no condition to be booking it out of a store and into the busy road, did you even bother looking before you crossed the street?â For the first time ever, you could hear anger in Shokoâs words. Your silence was more than enough of an answer for her, a scoff leaving her lips as she pulled you over to a small area cut off from the endless streams of people making their way through the cityâs center. âYou cannot fucking do that, Y/N.â
But she could tell by the look in your eyes that you were anywhere but this moment in time.Â
âYou are pregnant. Carrying a baby inside of your body, who is reliant on you and you alone to keep them safe. You almost got hit by a fucking car. Do you even know that? You ran out into that street in front of cars Y/N.â Shokoâs voice wavered, to add to the many firsts that were occurring in these moments, her voice had begun to waver. As if she were scared⌠in truth she was. She had nearly witnessed you and your unborn baby be killed and yet you were completely oblivious. You caught sight of Suguru and you had left everything behind.Â
Somewhere in the back of your mind, amidst all the buzzing in your head and ringing in your ears, you were processing the gravity of the situation. Your actions had so blatantly given away your inner thoughts, thoughts you hadnât intended on letting out. You would, without fail, everytime, follow that man if given the chance. It made your heart ache, the same deep rooted ache that you were certain would never leave you until he was in your arms again. âSatoruâŚâ Shoko spoke softly, your head whipping in the direction Shoko was looking.Â
Satoru was making his way back up the sidewalk, face pale and eyes hollow. âI lost him.â he spoke softly, somehow still audible over the roaring of the city. âYou saw him?â Shoko questioned, her grip on your bicep lowering to your wrist because she really couldnât trust you to not run away from her. âOnly for a moment, he was getting into a car. The thing was driving off by the time I reached the spot where it had been parked.â Then, finally, knowing he was long gone by now, you could breathe again. The urge to run was gone, leaving you drained.Â
âI want to go home.âÂ
âYeah, me too.â Satoru uttered softly, arm coming up to rub the back of his neck. He seemed just as disconnected as you felt, leaving Shoko to look between the two of you in concern. âIâll call for the car.â She pulled out her phone, clicking a number she had on speed dial and waited. Your day had effectively been ruined, leaving you and Satoru in shambles all over again. âWe can try this again another day⌠but you need clothes that fit sooner than later.â Shoko knew she was practically speaking to herself at this point, flipping her phone shut and shoving it in her pocket.Â
The three of you stood quietly off to the side, waiting for the car to pull up to the curb and take you home. Your mind was still reeling of course, so many thoughts at once that it had essentially gone blank. But there, amidst the haze of your confusion, one question was burning brightly. âWhy didnât you use infinity?â Your tone was gravelly, eyes meeting Satoruâs dissociated gaze. â...what?â he questioned back as if there was no air in his lungs as he spoke. âWhy didnât you use infinity?â you say it again, a little stronger this time.Â
You had no intentions for it to come out accusatory, nor did you mean it to be rude. You were just stupidly unaware at that moment, your brain so clouded that it had reduced you to nothing. âWhy didnât you use your curse technique?â he countered, knowing your own technique would not have been able to stop Suguru from getting out of your grasp. âWhy didnât you look before crossing the street? Why didnât you run faster?â Satoru spat at you when you didnât answer, regret dawning in the back of his mind when he saw your eyes brim with tears.Â
âThat is enough, Satoru.â Shoko interjected before you could even mumble out a feeble response, sniffling harshly as you rubbed your watering eyes. âYou are both hurt. There is no god damn point in sitting here asking the other why they didnât do something because itâs done and over with now.â Shokoâs head was focused on Satoru, glaring at the man harshly as he schooled his features into stoic disinterest. âBetter yet, you two were so fucking shell shocked by his sudden appearance that you lost all sense of reason, so there. Thatâs why infinity wasnât used.âÂ
But still, Shoko was staring at Satoru. It angered you a bit, sniffling a little harder as you couldnât seem to control the watery whimpers that fell from wobbling lips. She should be mad at both of you, and instead she was primarily scolding Satoru and treating you as a frail object. But, given your hopeless and teary eyed gaze, Satoru didnât blame Shoko for focusing her anger on him. He regretted it almost as soon as he spoke the words out loud, having read your intentions wrong. But he couldnât swallow his pride and apologize for it just yet, still too overwhelmed.Â
You were both saved from her wrath due to the car pulling up to the curb. âWeâre going home, and you two are sitting in the back seat.â she tugged you along, reaching for Satoruâs wrist and tugging him too. âWeâll figure out your clothing situation another day.â She grumbled as she pulled the door open for you âfor now, just wear Satoruâs clothes⌠or Suguruâs.â she added the last bit softly, glancing up to see Satoru shoot her a look as he rounded the car to get in on the other side. âNext time, itâll just be the two of us going out.âÂ
You only nodded, sinking into the soft back seat of the schoolâs car and letting Shoko shut the door for you. Satoru settled in beside you, making a point to keep his distance and look out the window as the car began to drive off. You ignored it, not in the right headspace to even tackle what the manâs withdrawn behavior could really mean. Youâd just assume he was upset with you until he was ready to talk, because right now all you wanted was your own bed, in your own room, and to sleep until you couldnât remember why your heart was so heavy in the first place.
â
December 24th, 2007 [1:00pm]
twenty five weeks.Â
You were twenty five weeks into your pregnancy which meant you had roughly fourteen weeks left until your baby was born. Still, Suguru had no idea. Over half way through your pregnancy and the father of your baby had no idea you were even pregnant. âItâs christmas eve, little one.â You spoke softly as you sat alone in your dorm room, one of your own sweaters sitting snugly on your body, your pregnant belly was too big to hide at this point. âI canât believe youâre going to get biggerâŚâ you cooed softly, rubbing your stomach as you sat at your desk.Â
You haven't really been speaking to anyone, especially after your near encounter with Suguru back at the end of November. You and Satoru had made up to an extent, but you could still feel a strain on your relationship. That strain was leaking into your relationship with Shoko as well, isolating you from the feeling of comfort the two once brought you. You had ended up sleeping in your own room that night, not responding at first to either of them when they pressed you. âI just need space to think.â you had finally caved late that night when Shoko wouldnât stop texting.Â
You hadnât returned to either of their beds since, finding comfort in your not so alone solitude. You had your baby with you - in you - you were never truly alone nowadays. For some reason, neither of them pushed you further about the sudden switch of wanting to be alone. In the following weeks of Suguruâs deflection, you couldnât stand being in your once lively dorm room⌠despite not being able to drag yourself out of bed most mornings. Now, Satoru and Shoko saw you sparsely, so long as you were on campus, they supposed it was alright to leave you alone.Â
It took a few days for the realization to settle in, but your reaction to seeing Suguru again had really done a number on them. âIâll be out of their hair soon enoughâŚâ You murmured to your quiet room, pen scratching the notepad on your desk fervently as you expressed your sorrow. A faint smile was present on your lips as you wrote down your goodbye note to Shoko, a weight slowly being lifted off of your tired shoulders with each sentence you neatly scribbled down.Â
You would be leaving Jujutsu Tech tonight.
And if you could help it, you would never be coming back.Â
That was your final decision roughly one week after the whole incident, the guilt of feeling like a burden had been weighing on you since. You would be going to see him tonight, for the first time in four months you would be seeing Suguru⌠but he would have no idea it was you. It was all planned out, like clockwork really, you had worked through every fine detail of your departure. Your bag was packed and shoved under your bed, a duffle filled with some sentimental clothing items, your personal belongings and things that meant a lot to you.Â
Most of your dorm room would be staying behind, just as Suguru had.Â
You were - intentionally and not at the very same time - following in his footsteps. Albeit youâd have it a little harder because you had a funny feeling Satoru, Shoko, and Yaga already suspected you were ready to jump ship⌠they just didnât know when. You set your pen down for a moment, stretching each finger and flexing your hand to shake out the wariness. You would be leaving soon after the sun had set, while everyone who was still present on campus attended the annual christmas party. You would feign a migraine, something you had been doing quite frequently so it wouldnât come off too strange when Shoko or Satoru came knocking.
Once you were certain the dorms were empty, you and your baby would be off. Only two pit stops on your way out the door, Shokoâs dorm and Satoruâs dorm, so you could leave them your letters before disappearing into the night. The first stop after that would be the hotel room you had booked in Shinjuku, youâd place your bag there and get ready. You would be meeting with Suguru at 6pm, under an alias and disguise. You had called his assistant on a pay phone only a few days ago, begging for an appointment on christmas eve with the âmighty healerâ taking pity on you, she ran it by Suguru and he agreed.Â
The only reason you were doing this under a disguise was because you needed to get your emotions sorted. If you saw him for the first time again in months, face to face with nowhere to run, you were positive you would break down immediately. So, youâd ease into things as best you could. If things worked out, you would only have to live inside a hotel room for less than a week. But if things didnât work out like you prayed they would, you and your baby would figure it out as you went. You just couldnât bear the weight of your guilt any longer, you felt as if you were dragging everyone down.Â
Carefully, your pen was picked up and you began scratching your thoughts. Satoruâs letter has been finished for three days now, sitting neatly in an envelope on your bottom drawer. You were finishing Shokoâs now, front and back of each paper so the letter itself was nearly four pages long. Satoru was shorter, a single page because if you let yourself get carried away, you were certain you would run out of paper before you could finish your thoughts. Your teeth sunk into the flesh of your lower lip, worrying it deeply as you tried to conclude her letter.Â
Your pen froze on the paper as you stared at what you had written, for some reason it was hitting you now. Tears were welling in your eyes as you sniffled, trying to blink them away while trying to avoid them landing on the paper and soiling it. âCâmon now⌠it would be so unfair to her to litter this with my tears.â You pushed the paper away, getting up from your desk to make your way into the bathroom. Splashing cold water on your face seemed like the best solution, bending over the sink as best you could you let the water pool in your hands.Â
A couple rounds later you were able to regain your composure, reaching for the towel you kept hanging on the wall and using it to dry your face. You stood in the all too bright lights of your bathroom, looking at your reflection just to find it felt foreign for a moment. Twenty five weeks into your pregnancy, your stomach had certainly popped at this point, making it hard for you to believe it would continue to get bigger. âThe human body is fascinating.â you muttered softly, turning to the side so you could see how you looked with your sweater on. âYouâll be difficult to conceal, little one. Though, your daddy wonât know itâs meâŚâÂ
You were still going to put effort into trying to hide your pregnancy. That was a part of your plan you truly couldnât explain, it just didnât feel right waltzing in there with your pregnant belly on display while he had no idea it was you and his child. âLetâs finish Auntie Shokoâs letter, shall we?â You needed to get through it, you had no time to really delay things further. The sun would be setting in a few hours, the party would start at five, you had four hours total left for your time at Jujutsu Tech. Not a single second of it could be wasted.Â
You sat down again, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth as you picked up the pen with shaky hands. You reread everything you had written thus far, all the way up to your half done sentence. You picked it up front here, finishing your thoughts and concluding the letter within twenty minutes. With a labored sigh of relief, you pulled another envelope out of your drawer and folded the letter neatly, slipping it inside and sealing it. Your hand trembled tenfold as you wrote Shokoâs name neatly on the back. âDone⌠itâs done.âÂ
December 24th, 2007 [3:30pm]
You had drawn your blinds, got a hot pack ready, set medicine and a glass of water on your nightstand. Now, you laid in near darkness, counting down the seconds until Shoko or Satoru appeared at your door. You had planted the first seed an hour prior, telling Shoko you felt a migraine coming on over text and that youâd have to lay down for a bit to see if it would pass. She had responded with an âokayâ and let you know she or Satoru would be checking on you within the hour. If they stayed true to their word, it would be any time now.Â
You passed the time by looking out your window, despite the blinds being drawn you could still see slivers of the darkening sky. âWinter is such a melancholic season, little one.â not even evening yet and the sky was changing from blue to orange and finally fading into indigo. âIâm glad you wonât be born in the dead of winter⌠rather somewhere in early spring.â It was odd to think that the year was nearly through, that Christmas was looming just hours away. This was arguably the least festive Christmas you had ever experienced.Â
âYa know, this isnât how I thought my first pregnancy would go.â You whisper to your empty room, knowing it didnât matter how quietly you talked, your baby would hear you. At least, thatâs what you liked to think, that one thought always brought you comfort. âI swear mommy is going to fix this, my little love. You will be so cherished and so loved by me and your daddy.â You exhaled slowly, not expecting your own rambling to tug at your chest the way it did. âSoon, soon my little love, soon it will be okay.â You tried to swallow the lump in your throat as you struggled to roll onto your side, placing the hotpack on your head once more.Â
It took all of five minutes for footsteps to approach your door, a gentle rasp of fingers hitting the wood and a soft call of your name. âCome in.â You didnât have to try and sound weak, the frog in your throat aiding you. âWell, this is a depressing Christmas eve⌠how are you?â You struggled to roll over yet again, squinting as the hall light flooded your room, silhouetting Satoruâs lanky figure. âNot good, I donât think Iâll be able to go, Satoru.â You could see him shifting from foot to foot. âDo you⌠want me to stay with you?â and for a moment you had to school your expression from the sheer panic that nearly pulled your features.Â
âN-no, god that would be useless. Go enjoy your christmas eve, I have my pain meds and Iâve got some pregnancy safe sleeping meds. Iâll be out like a light within the next hour. Have fun, Satoru.â You urged him, praying he wouldnât be stubborn. Reluctantly, you heard him sigh. âAre you positive?â You werenât sure why him giving up so easily made your heart ache. For the sake of your plan, you couldnât let him stay. But, for some reason, it made your chest heavy that he didnât put up more of a fight. So different⌠Why are things so different? âPositive.â You gave him a weak smile, still squinting because of the hall light.
âAlright⌠well⌠merry christmas, Y/N. Iâll give everyone your well wishes.âÂ
âThank you, Satoru⌠Merry christmas.âÂ
You watched him leave, a gentle click of your door shutting flowed by his feet padding down the hallway again. It wasnât until silence was the only thing ringing in your ears that the choked sobs you had tried to hold off all day came forward. You couldnât catch your breath with the force of them, clutching your chest as you curled in on your side. Deep, guttural sobs shook your frame until they turned completely silent. In the dark of your room, you gasped for air that would not enter your lungs. Your cries so wheezy and silent that you were certain you would pass out if you could not get a grip and catch your breath.Â
It hurts⌠god it fucking hurts⌠What went wrong? Where did I go so horribly wrong? Your own thoughts seem to bounce off the cavern of your skull, echoing in your ears as hot tears ruined your pillowcase. You forced yourself into a sitting position despite your body screaming in protest, your babyâs fluttering kicks urging you to relax before you sent them into distress along with you. âI'm sorryâŚIâm sorry.â You could barely speak, stumbling out of your bed and towards your bathroom, blindly searching for the knob as your vision was clouded with tears.Â
All you could think about was cold water, splashing cold water on your face would ground you for a moment. Though, cold water certainly could not cure a breaking heart. Your slowly swelling eyes remained shut as you flicked on the LED lights of your bathroom, blindly walking to your sink and turning the cold water on. It contrasted starkly with the hot tears that had been streaming down your cheeks, filling your nose and making it run. You hated it, every second of it, so utterly hopeless and confused. You never wanted to leave on a bad note, but it didn't seem like something that could be helped. Not now at leastâŚÂ
You bent down, eyes opening a fraction to see the crystal clear water pool in your cupped hands before overflowing. After a moment, you splashed it up on your face, gasping as it seemed to shock your system out of its haze. You did it again, and again, and again, until the tears stopped and you could breathe without needing to think about it. âThere we go⌠Iâm so sorry, little one. Mommy didnât mean to frighten you like thatâŚâ Slowly, your babyâs hyperactivity slowed, relaxing with your calming heart. âIâm still learning⌠I promise Iâll get the hang of it.âÂ
âYou are pregnant. Carrying a baby inside of your body, who is reliant on you and you alone to keep them safe. You almost got hit by a fucking car.â
Shokoâs words still hung heavy on you from that day. Ever since, you have become all too aware of your baby. Especially since you had begun spending so much time alone, every waking thought was about them and their well being. Even at doctorâs appointments you were certain Shoko only accompanied you so you wouldnât use it as a chance to run off. âI think itâs almost time for us to go, little one.â You had told your doctor that you didnât want to know the gender, as much as it killed you to wait. You wanted Suguru present when it was revealed.Â
With a heavy sigh you grabbed a towel, drying your face and tossing it in the hamper to never be washed. Your mind was still filled with ten million and one thoughts, but you needed to try and stay level headed if you wanted to get off of campus without being spotted. You gave your bathroom one last glance over, three years this room had been your home. After tonight, you would likely never see it again. With a small amount of hesitation, you flicked off the lights and shut the door. Now you were faced with every step that needed to be taken to pull this all off.Â
The first step was to lock your door, you couldnât bring yourself to breathe until you did so. Crossing the short distance, you held the knob title and turned the lock until it clicked. That pulled a fraction of the stress off of your shoulders, allowing you to move a little more freely about your bedroom as you got yourself ready. You werenât particularly in a rush, though the racing of your heart certainly made you feel like you should be. It took you about twenty minutes to sort through the contents of your bag before throwing a few more things inside of it.Â
By now the sun had set, 4:00pm was staring at you in big red letters on your nightstand.Â
Iâve got time. You spoke to yourself, shuffling over to your desk to pull the bottom drawer open. You had been strategic, burning and disposing of any information you had kept hidden in there. Not that there was truly anything worthwhile, you just felt a bit paranoid leaving it behind. Now, all that was left were the two letters youâd be placing in their dorm rooms. This was how youâd make sure they had actually left for the party. You had plenty of excuses made up in the event they were still inside their respective dorm rooms. âAlright little one, letâs go.âÂ
You carefully placed the letters inside of your coat, shielding them from unwanted eyes in the event things turned for the worse. You tried to move with no real direction, if you seemed intent on getting somewhere, it would easily give you away. At least thatâs what you figured while unlocking your door and heading out into the quiet hallway. Squinting, playing the part of someone who had a raging migraine, you shuffled down the hall towards Shokoâs bedroom. Your sock covered feet seemed to echo with each soft tap, your body carrying you down the halls you had considered your one and only home for nearly three years.Â
âShoko?â you knocked on her door, speaking loud enough that if anyone was in there, theyâd hear you. After a moment of no answer, you grabbed the knob and pushed it open. Shokoâs room was dark, all lights off save for the festive holiday lights she had strung up around the perimeter of her dorm room. Itâs really been that long⌠I had no idea she even did this⌠the weight of that realization made it hard to breathe again, chest tight as you made your way forward while tugging the envelope with her name on it out of your coat. Her room once felt so safe to you, so homey and secure⌠Now it felt as if you were walking into a strangerâs dorm.Â
It was astonishing how quickly relationships could change over one âsmallâ event in time.Â
Your heart was still pounding in your chest as you dropped the note on her desk. You didnât want to waste another second, turning on your heels and shutting the door as if you had never been in there to begin with. Next was Satoru, his room just a little ways down the hall. Your feet seemed to move slower than before, one hand resting on the swell of your stomach as you waddled to the door you had opened and shut so many times over the years youâd never be able to keep count. You could feel it again, the frog forming in your throat as you held your hand up.Â
But you stopped mid-way to the door, you never knocked before entering Satoruâs dorm room. That would immediately raise suspicions if he still happened to be inside. So, one last time, for old time sake, you pushed into his unlocked dorm room and heaved a heavy sigh as you were greeted with nothing in return. Satoru had left his desk lamp on, leaving the room in a golden glow despite nobody being inside. You couldnât understand why you felt disappointed about the fact that he wasnât there. Just as you couldnât describe the heaviness in your chest when he didnât put up a fight only a little while ago. Such stupid emotions⌠stupid stupid stupid.Â
You shut his door behind you as you entered his dorm for what would be the very last time. It seemed to suck the air from your lungs as you stepped further into the room you had once been so familiar with. Only a few weeks had passed and yet you felt as if an eternity had expanded across the short period of time. It almost felt foreign as you stepped towards the bed you had spent so many nights in, eyes roaming over his disheveled covers from his hazardous bed making skills. You pulled the letter out of your coat, laughing a bit as you realized your stupid mistake, not that it mattered now. Youâd be out the door in less than ten minutes.Â
You left the envelope neatly on his pillow, holding back tears as you turned away and walked out of the room all together. There was no point in reminiscing, no point in wishing for things to return to how they once were, you needed to do what you deemed best for yourself and your child. That meant being with your babyâs father, that meant doing what you could to rebuild the things Suguru had destroyed. For some reason, that seemed easier than staying at Jujutsu Tech. You pulled Satoruâs door shut, adrenaline flooded your veins as you processed the fact that all you had left to do now was grab your few things and leave.Â
You moved down the hall quickly, feet carrying you faster than they had in a long while. Every step you took, out in the open, felt like you were begging for someone to accidentally stumble upon you. You could heave a sigh of relief as your dorm door was in sight once again. You pushed into your dorm room again, throat feeling dry as you grabbed the duffle bag off of your bed and slung it over your shoulder. You looked around one last time, pregnancy hormones making you suddenly sentimental over everything youâd be leaving behind. They are nothing more than inanimate belongings, get a hold on reality. You scolded yourself as your eyes welled with tears, youâd have plenty of time in the future to gain new sentiment over such trivial things.Â
Right now, you need to get out. He was waiting for you, unknowingly Suguru was waiting for you. Youâd be damned if you gave up the opportunity now. With a heavy heart, you crossed the distance one last time and turned off the lights of your dorm before stepping into the hall. With a click that felt almost deafening, it was time for you to make your way out of the dorm building without gaining any unwanted attention. You placed everything on your fellow classmates being at that damned christmas party, you just prayed it was a safe bet to make. You moved equally as fast as you had moments prior, feet carrying you and your child down the wooden halls you could no longer call your home. Each step seemed to creak loudly as it bounced off empty walls.Â
Your feet hit the landing of the first floor and you felt like theyâd give out beneath you, Everything was too silent, though you supposed that should be a good thing for your sake. It made you feel uneasy regardless, every fiber of your being seemed to come alive with each step you took. The air in your lungs seemed to be frozen as your hands met the cool metal of the back door, one push and your fate would be sealed. For the first time that day, you didnât second guess a single action you made, pushing it open to be greeted with a gush of cold air.Â
Freedom.
Had you not been so heavily pregnant, you would have taken off in an all out sprint. You didnât realize how badly you ached to do so until the ability was taken from you. Instead, you moved as fast as your feet would allow you to, hand resting on your stomach to try and minimize the amount of bouncing the action was causing you. You would be off campus within seconds, out into the real world and on the subway before you could process it. It seemed as if the universe put wind on your sail again, the only thing thundering in your ears was the sound of your own racing heart. It was within your reach, so close you could taste it, the happiness you so desperately longed to feel again, it was coming back.Â
âY/N?âÂ
You stopped short, the air leaving your lungs just as it had left your metaphorical sail. You turned slowly, bracing yourself for who youâd see calling your name. Much to your surprise, it was the last person you had expected to see. â...Nanami?â The blonde was looking you over with creased brows, nodding a bit as you stated the obvious. âYeah, itâs me uhâŚwow.â he commented softly, taking a timid step towards you. âI came for the party though I didnât really want to⌠I see youâve got a lot going on.â He cleared his throat, it dawned on you in that moment that he had no idea you were pregnant until this very second. âI-yeah. You could put it like that.âÂ
âItâs Suguruâs, isnât it?â he questioned softly, finally dragging his eyes from the swell of your stomach and up to your face. âIt is, he just doesnât know it yet.â Yet. Nanami wasnât stupid, seeing the duffle bag slung over your shoulder he knew you were leaving. âI take it thatâs where youâre heading now?â his voice was achingly quiet, though he had never been one to talk loudly. âIt⌠yeah it is. IâŚumm⌠Nanami, they donât know Iâm leaving.â You started, your throat feeling dry as you tried to figure out how to proceed. âYouâre not coming back.â he stated it more than questioned. Carefully, you nodded. âIâm not coming back.â you repeated with a sad smile.Â
âI understand. Trust me, if anyone is to understand where youâre coming from with that logic, itâs me.â You felt the tension melting from your shoulders âNanami, promise me you wonât say a word⌠I left them letters I just⌠I canât have them stopping me now. Not when my mind is made up.â The blonde nodded slowly, eyes roaming over your body and back to your baby bump. âYou have to do what you think is best for you and your baby. If leaving this all behind, if going to Suguru is what you deem best, then nobody has the right to disagree with you.â He stated it matter-of-factly to you, arms crossing as a gentle smile crossed his face.Â
âTake care of yourself, and your baby, Y/N. Tell Suguru I said hello, and I promise your secret is safe with me.â As quickly as it started, it seemed to stop. Nanami had always been a man of purpose. âI will⌠thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, Nanami.â The blonde nodded, still smiling a bit as he turned away from you. âThis never happened, Iâm sure youâre on a tight schedule.â But his tone was lighter for once, making you smile a bit as you uttered out a soft âyeah⌠see you later, Nanami.â You took off again, feet carrying you down the dirt paths with ease. Unknowingly to you, Nanami was watching you go, not moving from his spot until you had disappeared from his sight. He sighed deeply before finally moving the other way.Â
 âI hope you find your peace, Y/N.âÂ
December 24th, 2007 [4:45pm]Â
You held onto the iron pole of the subway cart as it barreled down the tracks. Standing where you were now, surrounded by people heading home to spend the holidays with their families, fluorescent lights nearly blinding, you felt unreal. As if this was all a figment of your imagination and youâd wake up in your bed, in your dorm room, hopelessly alone again. It hadnât been until you arrived at the station that you realized just how suffocated you had felt at Jujutsu Tech. Satoru and Shoko had been so strict in hopes of keeping you from flying the nest, instead it had the polar opposite effect. I guess I should thank them.Â
You didnât hold any malice towards the two, but it did sting when you thought of how quickly they changed. You could, arguably, understand where they were coming from. By no means were claiming innocence to anything that had gone down between the three of you. It was crazy to you how less than forty five minutes of freedom was already giving you a level head and better perspective. Though you doubted youâd be able to cling onto sanity for much longer, with each minute that ticked by you were closer to seeing Suguru. That alone made your heart swell.Â
Based on the lights above your head, youâd be at Shinjuku Station in less than three minutes. From there it would be taking a taxi to the hotel you had booked a room at. Then, so long as check-in went smoothly, youâd be in your room and getting ready before 5:30. You knew Suguruâs religious group was a fifteen minute walk from your hotel, but a taxi would get you there in five. Either way, youâd get there by 6pm, you didnât care how. Your heart was thumping erratically, you knew youâd need to disconnect your phone once you got off the train.Â
You prayed with each passing second that you wouldnât feel it buzz, that nobody would ring your line because truthfully you didnât think youâd be able to handle knowing they knew. Youâd rather be selfishly, blissfully unaware of when their worlds came crashing down for a second time. You would need to destroy your phone once you arrived at the station, you could worry about buying a new one after the holidays had passed. Truthfully, there was no reason for you to remain in contact with anyone anymore, what was done was done and that was simply it. It did make your heart ache though, but you were a big girl, you made the bed and you now had to sleep in it.Â
The subway cart came to a halt, sending you forward a bit as your clammy hand gripped the pole a little harder. An automated voice came over the speaker to announce that you had arrived at Shinjuku station. With that, the doors were sliding open, crowds of people moving to exit the train just as people flooded to enter it. Luckily for you, people could see your state, knowing you were pregnant, many moved out of the way just a bit to accommodate you as you walked by. You had ended up standing the whole train ride despite many offering you their seats. You had assured them you were fine, antsy even and it would help your nerves to stand.Â
Your feet felt as heavy as led as you carried yourself through the brightly lit station towards the escalators that would carry you back up to street level. With your phone clutched tightly in your hand, you activated your curse technique. You could feel it now, the metal and glass that made up your flip phone crushed until it resembled nothing more than a flattened soda can. Completely unusable, utterly destroyed. You dropped it in a passing trash can, body feeling significantly lighter now that there was no way for them to directly contact you. Your feet hit the moving platform a second later, carrying you upwards, a step closer to your goal.Â
December 24th, 2007 [5:45pm]Â
You were early, you couldnât help it. You had taken as little time as possible once you arrived at your hotel room, throwing together an imperfect disguise. You had managed to successfully hide your pregnancy, a disposable face mask was hiding the lower half of your face. Suguru would recognize your eyes, you knew that, so even though the sun had long ago set, you slotted a pair of sunglasses over your face. Your hair was neatly tucked under a beanie, the hood on your sweatshirt being dragged overtop. You had to wonder if this appearance would raise any suspicions with him, but you had to assume he was used to people being ashamed of wanting to be âhealedâ. Either way, you prayed he wouldnât question it.Â
Your weight shifted from foot to foot, eyes peering up at the looming and honestly overwhelming building that made up the temple. You had a handful of steps you would need to climb to reach the entrance, which had been part of your desire to get here as soon as you could manage. Climbing up stairs had become your mortal enemy at this point, one flight in and you were wheezing for air. âBear with me, little one.â You let your hand smooth over your stomach one last time before starting your torturous climb. Each step was shaky, your breath warm on your face as the mask shielded you from the cool air. Still, labored breathing was enough to have faint puffs of your breath turning visible in the air.Â
The added layers werenât helping your cause, either. But you would manage, all because Suguru was just beyond the walls of the temple that loomed before you. For months you had to live with the fact that he was alive and well within miles of you. Just out of your reach, leaving you to pick up the shattered pieces of the life you had so carefully tried to build. You had been angry, sad, depressed and disappointed. You had gone through every stage of grief and then some. But right now, as you ascended these steps, it suddenly didnât seem to matter anymore. How foolish you could become when blinded by such devoted love. âAre you here to meet with Master Geto?â
You glanced up at the sound of a womanâs voice, recognizing it from when you spoke on the phone a dew days prior. âI-I am.â you huffed out, finally reaching the top of the platform in which the temple rested upon. âYouâre quite early, Mast Geto will appreciate this.â She smiled warmly at you but you could tell by the ugly crinkle in her smile lines that it was forced. âIâm glad.â You managed to squeeze out, trying to calm your racing heart as your babyâs kicks fluttered around your stomach. Always so active. You mused to yourself as the woman turned away from you. âHeâll likely be waiting already, he just finished with a client. Youâre the last for the year. Quite the honor if I say so myself. Youâre very lucky.â Very lucky, huh?
You didnât have to bother hiding your amused smirk, the face mask providing you all the security you needed as she guided you towards the templeâs entrance. âI hope you donât mind my appearance.â You started, testing the waters to see how poorly she thought of you based on one glance. âItâs alright, Master Geto understands some of the people that come to him are doing so against their familyâs wishes. Anonymity is welcomed in his eyes.â You felt your brow twitch, humming out a âoh goodâ as the temple doors seemed to open on their own. âBefore you meet with him privately, I do have a small handful of rules.â Rules? She took your silence as a go-ahead, holding her clipboard tightly to her chest as her hips swayed with each step.Â
âMaster Geto asks you to wash your hands before meeting with him. He also requests that you do not touch him unless he reaches out to touch you. Granted the most the man will touch is your hands or shoulders. He will never venture any further.â You assumed that had to do with his newfound hatred for non-sorcerers, anything of the sort was likely considered filth to him. So how peculiar was it that he would go out of his way to heal them. If you could pick his brains apart, you would. You prayed wholeheartedly that youâd be given the chance. All those countless nights, sitting beside Satoru, trying to wrap your head around Suguru and his choices.Â
He owed you the deepest, most thought out and intricate explanation he could manage. You still couldnât fathom why this was the answer to his jumbled thoughts. âYou may use this sink to cleanse yourself.â You blinked, head turning to the stainless steel sink fitted right to the wall outside the doors that would lead to Suguruâs quarters. It was brand new, clearly installed within the templeâs construction only a few months prior. You exhaled slowly as you pushed up your sleeves, this was by no means the Suguru you remembered. But you couldnât let your doubt drag you down yet, you still hadnât seen him, spoken with him.Â
You set the water to cold, scrubbing your hands thoroughly with the soap provided. You swore you could still feel the clammy, dirty metal of the subway pole on your hands despite washing them when you got to the hotel. It only made you scrub harder, anxiety creeping into your neck as the crushing reality began to settle in. Within minutes⌠no within seconds really, youâd be seeing Suguru again for the first time in nearly five months. âYou may use the towels to your right to dry your hands once you are done.â The woman chimed softly behind you, looking down at her clipboard so she could cross off your name â an alias you had given â the last on his list.Â
You felt a moment of hesitation as you reached up to turn off the water. As if the anticipation for this moment would feel more overwhelming than seeing him in person again. You found yourself fearing the disappointment that may come with this meeting. It took you a moment, but you pushed forward, grabbing the knob and turning the cold water off. âAlright, Miss.â You grabbed a towel, drying your hands thoroughly before dropping it in the bin beside the sink. âAlright.â You repeated, turning to face her, sight dimmed from the darkened corridor and the shading of your glasses. âIf youâll allow me to check in, Master Geto should be ready for you.âÂ
Your heart had begun to hammer in your throat, over the roaring in your ears you uttered out a weak âOkay.â As she strolled past you and pushed through the large door, just enough to peak her head and upper half of her body in. A little muffled, but you heard her speak âMaster Geto, your last client is here. Are you ready for her?âIf he responded, you couldnât hear it, your own heartbeat pulsing in your ears as she turned to smile at you.Â
âMaster Geto is ready to see you, please, head in.âÂ
Here went everything, everything you had thrown away had led to this very moment. You nodded, taking one step forward, then another, until somehow your legs managed to hold out on you and carry you into the large prayer room. The door shut behind you, nearly making your feet falter as you took in the expanse of the room. It was absurdly large, mats rolled up and leaning against the wall, you assumed it was for his worshipers. The room itself was lit primarily by candle light, yet it was still bright enough to make out everything before you.Â
A small flight of stairs led to a raised podium, an arm rest screwed into the ground to support Suguru as he lounged. âWelcome.â Your eyes landed on him, his fist pressed into the side of his cheek as he smiled at you. Behind him was a large altar, barren likely due to the temple being closed until the new year after tonight. âPlease, dear, come up and sit before me.â His voice, smooth and melodic, just as it had always been. But this time around it carried a level of authority and hospitality that was foreign to you.Â
You swore stars were starting to spot your vision, so utterly overwhelmed by his presence that you had to force air into your lungs as you climbed more godforsaken steps. âThank you for meeting with me, Master Geto.â You choked out, doing a horrible job of hiding your genuine emotions. âOf course, I couldnât say no after hearing how urgent your needs were. Think of this as a Christmas gift from me to you.â He spoke softly, eyes roaming over your appearance. âSo, please, do tell me of your problems. Something horrid seems to be ailing you.âÂ
You knelt before him, praying it didnât look awkward as your stomach nearly made it impossible to get into such a position inconspicuously. âI just⌠Iâm not even sure what is ailing me.â You started softly, hand reaching up to adjust your absurd disguise. âIâm desperate, I figured if anyone could help me, it would be youâŚâ For a moment you nearly uttered Suguru, your throat felt dry as you quietly finished â...Master Geto.â You stared at him through the lenses of your sunglasses, wondering how Satoru dealt with wearing the cursed things all the damn time.Â
As Suguruâs eyes roamed over you, studying you intently, you felt reality weighing on you once more. Suguru was right there, in front of you, less than two feet. It felt utterly surreal, maybe that's why you felt so disconnected from the moment. Two weeks of pure, agonizing grief over his departure only to be cut off by the realization that you were pregnant with his baby. Sure that didnât fix your broken heart, at first it had even managed to make it worse. But it kept you busy, and has continued to keep you busy over the course of September, October, November, and now at the end of December. Yet it hadnât been enough to bring you to your senses.Â
âYou seem troubled, and Iâm so sorry youâve been having such a difficult time.â he uttered softly, straightening from his lounging position as he let his arm rest to support him instead of having his fist pressed to his cheek. Everything thus far had brought you right to this moment, right back into his arms⌠almost. You blinked, swallowing nothing at all and nearly choking. For a split second it felt like Suguru was talking directly to you, your Suguru. Not the Geto Suguru who was the new head of the old star vessel religious group. Your mouth opened and closed a few times, hands folded neatly on your lap despite having to strain to reach it.Â
âI appreciate the sentiment, Master Geto. Please, what are you going to do to aid me?â For a foolish moment, you wondered if maybe there was some invisible curse clinging to your back and weighing you down. âI will do the best I can to heal you, my dear.â You inhaled slowly, nodding as you spoke âThank you, but may I ask how?â it had slipped past your lips before you could stop it, a genuine question you prayed wouldn't come across as offensive. After all, itâs how you lost Satoruâs trust. âOf course you may, itâs human nature to be curious, my dear.â He started softly, a grin on his face as he moved to sit up fully, no arm rest to keep him balanced.Â
âI could preach to you about how there is good and there is evil, how the strong prey on the weak and use it to their advantage. But that is common and dismal knowledge at this point, that is not what you are looking for either.â You nodded, eyes still soaking in every inch that made up the man before you. As much as the sunglasses were annoying you, you appreciate them for allowing you to so shamelessly admire your lover. âYouâre tired, arenât you? You feel as though you are being weighed down.â He questioned you softly, watching you nod as he found a small starting point for your ailments. âDid something happen to you recently?âÂ
For a moment you swore you felt your heart stop beating in your chest. That question was far too loaded for you to answer, so you cleared your throat a bit, muttering a soft âyesâ but not willing to go further. Suguru seemed to understand that, nodding softly. âYou, by no means, need to explain yourself to me, my dear. I will do what I can to ease your burdens.â you watched his hands, noticing every little detail as they reached for you. âAre you alright with me taking your hands?â So soft you nearly missed it over the thundering of your heart.
 âY-you may.â Shakily, you stuck your own hands out, feeling a bit awkward at the clamminess of them. For the first time in months, Suguruâs skin was on yours again. It brought a wave of relief you thought you would never feel again. The warmth of his hands in your own, worn and calloused but somehow perfectly soft and cared for. They encompassed yours, his grip strong but not strong enough to hurt, mindful of you. Tears welled in your eyes, throat constricting in a way that you knew meant tears were going to flow freely before you could stop them.Â
âYou have no idea how long Iâve been waiting for you, Y/N.âÂ
â
âMaster Geto, there is a potential client on the line and she is very adamant about meeting with you on the 24th of December.â Suguru stopped reading over his paperwork, eyes glancing up at the secretary he had hired only a few weeks back. âThat so?â he mused softly, tapping his pen against the polished oak of his desk. âI really didnât want to take many people that day, considering Mimiko and NanakoâŚâ he started with a hum, pondering it for a moment longer. âDid she say her name, her intentions, anything of interest?â He was far too tempted to flat out say no.Â
âShe seemed very nervous, sheâs said she's not been feeling very good recently and youâve become her last resort. She canât keep going on like this.â The secretary repeated your urgent, mildly-overdramatic words. âSounds dire.â Suguru spoke softly, still mulling over his thoughts. For some reason, he couldnât bring himself to utter the words "tell her no.â Instead, after a brief pause âLet her know Iâll be able to meet with her on the 24th of December, 6pm.â The secretary nodded, moving to leave once more but stopping short as Suguru called her name. âShe will be the last client for this year, please let any new potential clients know that I will not be able to meet with them until after the new year.âÂ
She nodded quickly before departing, leaving Suguru alone again as he reached for the paperwork he set down. âWhat a kind heart you have, papa Geto.â Suguru hadnât even been able to read the next sentence, laughing softly at Mimikoâs comment. The brunette girl was kicking her feet, coloring intently beside her sister on the plush rug Suguru had put in just for them. âItâs important to help people in need, you know. She seemed like she could really use it.â He smiled fondly at the two sisters, listening to Nanako hum softly as she scribbled onto the page.Â
âI guess youâre right.âÂ
âYou guess Iâm right?âÂ
Mimiko nodded, stopping her coloring to look up at Suguru behind his desk. âYeah, I mean you really donât need to help anyone. But you choose to do so even when you donât have to. You have a kind heart, papa Geto.â The small girl repeated her initial statement, smiling softly as Suguruâs expression morphed into one of genuine surprise. He couldnât bring himself to say anything, watching her small head turn back to the paper she was drawing on, starting to hum along with the tune Nanako had set. Suguru sat there, wondering how a child could think of such things.Â
He saw himself as anything but kind-hearted at this point in his life. But still, he didnât have the heart to say those things, especially not to a six year old. Suguru had barely reached for his paperwork again when your face crossed his mind, making him freeze once more. You had been a constant thought in his mind since the day he left. Not even an hour had gone by where you didnât consume his thoughts, knocking the air from his lungs and paralyzing him for a moment. He missed you. Fuck he missed you terribly and it was enough to render him utterly immobile at points.Â
Slowly, he forced air back in his lungs, your smile leaving a permanent mark engraved in his mind. He didnât regret anything he did up until this point, well maybe except for one particular thing. He didnât take you with him the day he left. He knew he loved you too much to force you into this kind of life, he needed it to be a choice you made out of your own free will. Something cheesy about loving someone meant setting them free when the time came had crossed his mind when leaving you that letter. Leaving it on the bed he once called his own, so long as you were in it, it was his.Â
But still, the choice to leave it all up to your own free will did nothing to fill the void beside him each night. How desperately he wished you were laying beside him, curled perfectly into his embrace, face snuggled into the crook of his neck. Your natural musk mixing with your perfume, your hair tickling his hands as he held you tight, your chest rising and falling evenly as you slept. He ached to hold you again, finding it hard to fall asleep each night in your absence. But he had made this choice, he had to own it, even if that meant you werenât a part of his life right now.Â
âBut he knew, deep down, that it was only temporary; you'd come back to him.â
â
He had been right, of course. He just hadnât expected it to come so soon, as if whatever forces in the universe heard his consistent, unwavering, silent prayer. The moment those doors opened, he knew it was you. From the moment you stepped foot in the prayer room, he could feel you. His soul would never not recognize you, no matter how hard you tried to disguise yourself. He had felt it then, that shaky, stuttering breath as you walked so cautiously into the room. It had taken every ounce of his willpower to not get up and go to you. Based on your appearance, it was clear that you didnât want to be recognized by him.Â
âWelcome.â He started, praying you wouldnât hear the tremor in his voice as his heart pounded erratically in his chest. âPlease, dear, come up and sit before me.â Carefully, he trained his emotions into neutral ease, watching you shakily make your way towards him. It was you, fuck it was really you. For a moment Suguru was certain he would pass out from the intensity of your presence. How often had he dreamt of you, how often had he silently wondered what you were doing. How often had Nanako and Mimiko listened to him blabber about you with such fondness? Probably too many times to count, bless them.Â
Suguru watched you climb up the steps, your voice sending his heart into a death spiral. âThank you for meeting with me, Master Geto.â There it was. The voice he had longed to hear for months now; your voice had always been so utterly hypnotic to him. âOf course, I couldnât say no after hearing how urgent your needs were. Think of this as a Christmas gift from me to you.â He had to wonder if he was being transparent, it was impossible to hide the sparkle in his eyes as his whole world sat down before him. âSo, please, do tell me of your problems. Something horrid seems to be ailing you.â His brow twitched as he looked you over, worry flooding his veins that you had been over exerting yourself in his absence.Â
He noticed you had struggled for a moment, leaving him to ponder further. Were you hurt? Had you gone on a mission recently and injured yourself? âI just⌠Iâm not even sure what is ailing me.â Suguruâs heart ached at the sadness in your tone, you sounded so detached as you continued. âIâm desperate, I figured if anyone could help me, it would be youâŚâ he noticed you hesitate for a moment, as if nearly choking on the wrong words before uttering out âMaster Geto.â His family name sounded foreign coming from your mouth, a mouth he couldn't even see under the disposable face mask you adorned. There you were, kneeling before him after months of waiting, and he couldnât even see your beautiful face.Â
Suguru looked you over, eyes soaking in every inch of you despite how covered you were. âYou seem troubled, and Iâm so sorry youâve been having such a difficult time.â the words nearly got caught in his throat, coming out so soft that it nearly wasnât audible. It was almost too genuine, for a brief moment he had forgotten, speaking to you as if nothing had changed at all. He had to wonder if you heard it. All thoughts died before they were even fully formed, the prolonged silence between you being shattered as you spoke âI appreciate the sentiment, Master Geto. Please, what are you going to do to aid me?â You sounded⌠defeated.Â
âI will do the best I can to heal you, my dear.â
But, he could tell you didnât seem overly satisfied with that answer. âThank you, but may I ask how?â he couldnât help the way his lips quirked at your question. âOf course you may, itâs human nature to be curious, my dear.â his smirk turned into something softer, a genuine smile. You hadnât changed a bit, your blunt curiosity still shining through. âI could preach to you about how there is good and there is evil, how the strong prey on the weak and use it to their advantage. But that is common and dismal knowledge at this point, that is not what you are looking for either.â He watched you nod, aching to know what was going on inside of your head.Â
âYouâre tired, arenât you? You feel as though you are being weighed down.â He watched you, brown eyes analyzing your every movement, his heart aching as you nodded. âDid something happen to you recently?â it slipped out, he didnât want to seem like he was prying even though he was very well aware that the âsomethingâ that happened was none other than him. Still, nothing could have prepared him for the ache in his chest as you uttered out a soft, broken âyes.â The urge to soothe you had nearly caused him to lean forward; the need to pull you into a tight, crushing hug to try and soothe your sorrows was becoming too much.Â
You deserve none of the emotional turmoil he put you through.Â
âYou, by no means, need to explain yourself to me, my dear. I will do what I can to ease your burdens.â he breathed out, not knowing how else to soothe you if he couldn't touch you in the ways he desired. So, he dared to ask âAre you alright with me taking your hands?â Suguru couldnât breathe after asking it, the idea of touching you again after months of being apart was almost too much for him to handle. âY-you may.â There, for a brief moment, was the Y/N he fell in love with a few years back, so outgoing but so shy the moment he tried to initiate anything. It made his heart clench, the feeling of nostalgia washing over him in waves as he reached forward.Â
Your hands were trembling as he took them in his own. For a moment, Suguruâs shoulders sagged. Your warm skin pressed to his was something he had missed so dearly. No words could describe the relief he felt, your hands wrapping so gingerly around him as his grip tightened. He was afraid you would pull away, being mindful to not squeeze you too tight. Suguru couldnât quite believe it, every word he had practiced, every speech he had thought of for when this moment arrived. None of it mattered. Not a single word was able to claw its way out of the depths of his mind. Too overwhelmed by the fact that you were before him.Â
Before he could stop himself, before the moment became awkward from the long stretch of silence. Suguru uttered the only words that came to mind.Â
âYou have no idea how long Iâve been waiting for you, Y/N.âÂ
âÂ
You blinked, not that he could see it from behind the shades of your sunglasses. Still, you were stunned into silence. Your brain was struggling to catch up, processing the words Suguru had spoken two, three, four times before finally registering. âWhaââ was all you could manage, the syllables dragging out as Suguru chuckled softly. âI didnât mean to unveil your secret before you were ready, Y/N. But no disguise you could wear would be able to conceal you from me. Iâd know it was you every single time.â he swallowed, eyes shifting down to your clasped hands as if he was getting shy. âIâve missed you so terribly⌠and I know I donât have any right to say that because this is all my fault but... Iâve missed you.â
Still, you were speechless.Â
âY/N⌠my sweet girl⌠Please say something.â Suguru wasnât going to move until you responded to him, too afraid of overstepping your boundaries. Your mouth opened and closed again, swallowing the lump in your throat as you uttered out a soft âhi.â You couldnât think of anything else, every thought in your mind was too jumbled to truly form a proper sentence. âHi.â he repeated back to you, the same level of adoration in his tone that youâve always known him to have towards you. âCan I take these off?â He was already letting go of one of your hands to reach for your sunglasses as you nodded. Your heart was erratic as his fingers ghosted your temple.Â
You felt it then, the tremor in his hands as he gently took the sun glasses off of you. For the first time in four months you were seeing Suguru without any barriers. âThere you are.â He smiled, letting go of your other hand so he could gingerly pull the face mask off of you. You couldnât contain it then, a smile making your lips twitch as your face was fully exposed again. âMy beautiful girl.â Suguru breathed out, eyes memorizing every feature like they werenât already burned into his memory. âMy handsome boy.â your words nearly got caught in your throat, eyes watering as Suguru carefully took off your hood and revealed your hair. His smile matched yours, his lips quivering as he struggled to say anything in response.Â
So much to say, but you were both in silent awe of each other.Â
It dawned on you a second later that Suguru still had no idea you were carrying his baby.Â
âSuguru IâŚâ you choked a bit, reaching to hold his hand again just as he reached for yours. âIâve missed you too, terribly.â He watched you, brows creasing a bit as his face grew solemn. âIt was never my intention to hurt you like this, Y/N.â For some reason, you couldnât muster any of the anger you figured you would feel when seeing Suguru again. âI know it wasnâtâ So soft it was barely audible but Suguru clung on to every word. âBut it still happened, I still hurt you. IâŚâ he swallowed, holding your hand a little tighter. âMy only regret is not taking you with me the night I left. But I couldnât do that to you, I couldnât force you to run away with me after what I did. I donât regret a single action Iâve made besides that.âÂ
âI would have left with you, I hope you know that. Wherever you are is where I want to be.â And for a moment you swore you saw tears welling in Suguruâs eyes. âNo amount of apologizing will make up for the hell I caused you.â he looked down at your clasped hands before meeting your eyes once more âBut I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, if youâll let me.â For a moment your heart ached so deeply it nearly scared you, your babyâs fluttering kicks reminded you of the hurtle you still needed to clear. âYou donât have to do that, Suguru. Keeping me by your side is all I could ever ask for⌠provide for me andâŚâ You stopped, eyes closing for a moment as you breathed out a laugh. âSuguru.â He straightened at your tone change.
âYes?â You could hear the concern lacing his words, as if you were suddenly going to say âforget itâ and get up and go. Instead you steadied yourself âThere is something very important you need to be aware of. Itâs something I realized only two weeks after you left me andâŚâ you didnât like how bitter the words left me felt coming off your tongue. You had no reason to harbor any concern over the standing of your relationship, it was evident that neither of you considered yourself broken up from the other. âGo on, Iâm listening.â He encouraged you, faced settling into a look of concern because he wasnât sure where you were taking this. âSuguru, I wish I could have told you sooner.â You let go of his hands, smiling he held them a little tighter.Â
âIâm just standing up, Sugu.â You reassured him, heart fluttering as he gave you a sheepish smile. Suguru lets you go, watching you struggle to stand for only a second before leaping in to help you up. âDid you get hurt trying to come here?â he questioned, something so concerned and innocent that it almost made you laugh. He truly had no idea, you had to pat yourself on the back you supposed. Your disguise had worked out well enough in that sense. âNo, no nothing like that, Sugu.â You smiled as you straightened, watching him take a tentative step backwards. âI really wish I could have told you sooner, but itâs better late than never.â Your fingers shook as you reached for the zipper of your oversized hoodie, dragging the cool metal down and shouldering the material off as your pregnant belly was revealed to Suguruâs eyes.Â
You watched his face morph from concern to shock. âIâm almost twenty five weeks along, Sugu.â You let the hoodie fall to the floor, leaving you in a long sleeve shirt that was clinging to the swell of your stomach. âYou may have left, but you didnât really leave me alone.â You pulled your eyes away from his face to look down at your bump, hands lovingly caressing it. âI donât know their gender, I didnât want to find out unless you were with me.â You didnât mind his silence, you knew it was likely a very overwhelming piece of information to learn. Suguru didnât have the ability to speak anymore, instead he opted to close the distance between the two of you. With hesitant curiosity, Suguruâs large warm hands came down to cup your stomach.Â
âYouâre pregnant.â He uttered the obvious, as if trying to confirm he wasnât dreaming. âYouâre pregnant with my baby.â He said again, this time his tone was a little more possessive. You nodded, hands coming down to lay on top of where his hands sat. âBeen carrying our baby this whole time, Sugu.â You heard him hum in acknowledgment, eyes full of wonder as your baby kicked. âTheyâre happy to finally hear their daddyâs voice.â You whispered, looking up at him through your lashes as he met your gaze. âI love you, with my whole being I love you.â you could hear it in his voice, nothing put pure love and adoration for you and your unborn child. âIâm so sorry you had to find out after I leftâŚâ He added softly, heart aching at the very thought.Â
âI had Satoru and Shoko⌠they didnât really make up for you not being present, Suguru. But they tried their damn hardest and Iâll forever be grateful for that.â He nodded, thumb gingerly brushing the skin below his hand. âDo they know youâre here?â He questioned you, eyes falling back to your stomach. It was almost too surreal to believe. Not only were you in front of him again, but you were very pregnant with his baby. âI left them letters. They have no idea Iâm gone and they likely wonât know for a few more hours. I donât have any intentions of going back.â You let the words hang in the air, you were certain Suguru wouldn't expect you to turn around and leave once this night was through. That didnât stop the butterflies swirling in your chest out of anxiety anyways. âI have no intention of letting you go.âÂ
You couldnât think in that moment, body pushing up on your tiptoes as if no time had passed at all. Your stomach hindered you a bit, pressing snuggly to Suguruâs front as your hands cupped his cheeks. Suguru caught on, of course, bending down and guiding you to him as your lips met in a soft kiss. You felt it then, the same tears burning your eyes as they shut tightly. Melting into Suguruâs lips felt like home, slowly piecing back the pieces he shattered to make you feel whole again. You could tell he wanted to deepen it, devour you whole in that moment so youâd never go. Instead, he pulled away with flushed cheeks that mirrored your own, pupils blown wide as he observed you. âI love you.â He repeated, looking at your lips as you replied backÂ
âI love you too.âÂ
Suguru kissed you again, cupping your face just as you cupped his, holding you in place and bending down further so you didnât have to strain so hard to meet him. The tears you had tried to whole back were flowing freely at this point, mixing with the kiss as it turned slightly sloppy. It took you only a minute to pull away again, eyes wet as you gasped for air. âS-sorry the pregnancy hormones theyââ but Suguru hushed you, using his thumb to wipe away the tears as they fell. âYou have nothing to apologize for, my sweet girl.â He kissed your forehead, pulling back as he guided you away from the edge of the platform and closer to the barren altar behind him. âThere are not enough words in the universe for me to convey how sorry I am for everything Iâve put you through. Iâve said it already, but so long as I am alive, so long as you are willing, I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.âÂ
âKeep me by your side, Suguru. That is all I ask of you.â You sniffled, tears flowing even faster as you restated your earlier request. Tenderly, Suguru brought your knuckles to his lips and kissed each one softly. âI will do more than that, my love. You will never have to work another day in your life, you will know nothing but love and comfort.â He promised as he flipped your hand over and placed a kiss on the center of your palm. âYou, me, Nanako, Mimiko, our baby⌠our future babies.â He added with a small grin, causing you to laugh softly through your tears. âThe five of us, and whoever else may join us in the future. I will keep you safe, happy, loved.â He promised as he kissed your wrist, feeling your pulse race under his lips.Â
You nodded, using your free hands to wipe your face as Suguruâs lips trailed further. You felt a shiver pass through your body as Suguruâs lips made their way up your arm. âIâve missed you.â he repeated, tone huskier than before as he placed a kiss on your bicep. âSo many nights aloneâŚâ he placed another kiss but this time it was on your shoulder. âIâve been dreaming of youâŚâ This time his head was dipping to nuzzle into the crook of your neck, inhaling the smell of you and groaning. âI missed you.â he murmured again, lips pressing to the pulse point in your neck as he let himself get wrapped in the scent of you. The scent he had missed so desperately. You felt it then, something you hadnât felt in months. The bubbling heat pools in your gut, spreading throughout your body as Suguruâs tongue licks up your neck. Arousal.Â
âS-Suguru pleaseâŚâ Your hand found its way into his hair, holding him in place as both of his hands wrapped around your waist. âPlease what?â he murmured, teeth scraping your neck as he moved his head up towards your jaw. âPlease⌠make me yours again.â He groaned, so low you could feel it vibrate against your jaw as he kissed it slowly. There was a tremor in his hands as he held you tighter, pulling you closer until the swell of your stomach was pressing tightly to his. âYouâve always been mine, my beautiful girl.â He promised you as he moved to kiss your lips again, the kiss was gentle but sloppy, your fingers twitching as you buried them in the fine silks of his robes. You gave in, body melting into his familiar touch as you let his tongue slip past your lips letting him dominate it, just as you always had.Â
The feeling of his tongue sliding against your own drew whines from your lips, clinging on to Suguru just a little tighter as he began to guide you. The steps were awkward, drawing a breathy laugh from Suguru as he pulled away from you. âThis will be a lot easier.â He assured you before bending down a bit to haul you up into his arms. You couldnât help but squeal, surprised he was able to pick you up so easily even with the extra weight of your baby. âSuguru!â You cling to him, curious about his intentions as he moves to sit you on top of the bare altar. âIsnât this a bitâŚâ but he shook his head âdonât worry about it.â He placed you on top of the smooth wooden altar with a grin, making it so you were equal height now.Â
âItâs a special Christmas offering.âÂ
He offered you as your brows were still creased in concern. âSuguru!â You squealed after, face feeling hot as his hands landed on your thighs, squeezing the flesh and making you shiver as his lips found yours yet again. âIâm taking my time with you.â He muttered between quick kisses, lips shiny with your saliva as your breath mingled. âI wouldnât want it any other way.â You encouraged him, heart doing backflips at the idea of Suguru having his way with you again. You knew you missed him, of course you knew that, but sex hadnât even been on your mind lately. Now, in this moment, you realized how badly you ached to be touched again, loved again.
Suguru left out a breathy moan, head falling forward for a moment before looking up to hold your gaze. âHave I mentioned just how badly Iâve missed you?â he teased, watching your lips quirk up as you tried to wiggle closer to him from where you sat on the altar. âI think you may have mentioned it once or twice so farâŚâ You grinned, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer since you werenât getting anywhere fast. âBut that's enough with the talking, Sugu.â You moved so your lips were ghosting his ear, whispering seductively âShow me how badly you missed me.â He shivered, only fueling your desire as you got a little more bold. âShow me how badly you missed my body.â Suguruâs knees nearly buckled, you were too good to be true.Â
Suguru took your request to heart, not wasting another moment by talking. His fingers easily found the hem of your shirt, pulling it up and over your head with your assistance. He couldn't help it, taking a small step back just so he could admire how you looked with your stomach swollen, carrying his baby so prettily. You felt your heart beating, chest rising and falling just a little faster than usual as the anticipation in your gut built. The warm amber of his eyes seemed to be swallowed whole by his dilated pupils, throat feeling dry as his eyes trailed up to your breasts. âThese swelled up, didnât they?â He asked in a teasing tone, mouth watering at the sight of your engorged breasts spilling over the top of your bra. âS-suguru.âÂ
âWell, they have, pretty girl. Theyâll be full of milk soon enough, to nurture our little baby.â You couldnât breathe, the overwhelming need for him to touch you nearly dizzying. âTheyâve been so sore.â You offer quietly, looking at him through your lashes just to see his lips part. He seemed utterly entranced, warm hands sneaking around the back of you to find the clip of your bra. âWell, we canât have that now, can we? Let me make them feel better, my love.â You nodded, feeling no shame or embarrassment as your bare breasts were exposed to his hungry gaze. Suguru had seen you naked so many times over the course of your relationship. Even with the rather extreme changes your body was going through, you still felt gorgeous when he looked at you the way he was now. âSo pretty⌠they look so heavy⌠let me.â He breathed out carefully.Â
You could feel the air getting caught in your lungs as Suguruâs hands gingerly cupped both of your breasts. The noise you made couldnât be helped, lips wobbling as you whimpered at the sensation. âOh? Are they more sensitive?â Suguru teased you, shamelessly fondling your breasts just to see you squirm. You nodded, one hand gripping the edge of the altar to balance you while your other hand shot up to grab his wrist. âPlease, Sugu, they're really sensitive.â You whined, heat throbbing between your legs as he moved to pinch your nipple. âEven more sensitive than before?â He murmured, eyes focused only on your face as he rolled one of your perked buds slowly. âY-Yes!â your back arched, forcing your bump to press into Suguru. âThatâs good to know, pretty girl.â He squeezed just a little harder, smirking as you cried out.Â
âSo mean to meâŚâ you wailed, as if nothing had changed at all. Suguru hushed you with a kiss, lips slotting against yours sloppily as he toyed with your breasts. You felt dizzy, completely intoxicated by the feeling of Suguruâs hands on you. You wanted him bad, needing to feel his skin rather than his robes. âSuguruâŚâ you pulled away, trying to catch your breath as you uttered âTake your clothes off, please I donât want to prolong this part.â He could take as much time with you as he wanted, but you were certain you would lose your mind if you didnât see and feel his skin. âWhatever my lady wants, my lady gets.â He kissed you again before backing away. You sat on top of the altar, watching intently as Suguru undid the mildly-intricate layers to his robes.Â
âCâmereâ you murmured as Suguru was left in nothing but a pair of flowing navy colored pants. The material matched the robes, hugging his waist tightly and accentuating how broad he was. You hadnât forgotten how he looked, but the last time you saw Suguru in person, he had thinned. Now, he was broad, covered in muscles, tanned even in the winter. It was the Suguru you had known before the world had changed his views. He walked towards you, a sense of pride in his steps as he displayed his new physique to you. âMy handsome boy.â You murmured again, hands making contact with his soft skin and feeling him release a shuddering breath in response.Â
Your touch never got old, every single time it felt like it was the first time you were laying your hands on him. You were mindful of where you put your hands, letting them dance across the plains of his chest before moving to his biceps. Suguru watched your hands move with baited breath, goosebumps erupting in their wake as your fingers moved lower. He couldnât suppress the shiver that passed through him as your hands left his arms and moved to run along his sides. You were always so unpredictable with your actions, maybe that was why you were so elusive to just about everyone you met. Even when he thought he knew you like the back of his hand, you still managed to catch him by surprise. He could never get enough of it.Â
Your hands rested on his waist for a moment, leaning forward to the best of your abilities to place a chaste kiss on his chest. One kiss led to two, then three. Before he could even utter a word, you were littering his chest and neck in soft, sweet kisses. There was no hiding his arousal, even in the loose fitting pants of his daily attire, Suguruâs cock was straining heavily against his briefs. âY/NâŚâ it sounded awfully similar to a plea, making his cheeks flush pink at the sound. You looked up at him, placing one last kiss on his sternum before moving back. Your hands left his waist, but not before trailing all the way up his sides and slowly sneaking around his neck. âSuguru.â you finally stated once you were pleased with your actions.Â
âItâs my job to please you, you know. I donât deserve any of this.â but you shook your head, hushing him softly. âSuguru, I love you with every fiber of my being. I have missed you for the nearly five months you have been away from me. I am going to shower you in the love I have been holding onto for all this time. Donât you dare let your guilt taint the way you feel about me giving you my love.â You could tell he was struggling, after a moment of silence he nodded. It was a reluctant nod at that, but you knew it would take time for Suguru to overcome the weight of his guilt for leaving you in the first place. That was a battle for another day.Â
What mattered was this moment. âKiss me, please.â His request was so gentle, you couldnât say no to him if you wanted to. Arms still wrapped around his neck, you pulled him to you and crashed your lips together once more in a heated kiss. Your body seemed to thrum with desire, every nerve ending sparking with electricity as the anticipation of what was to come built. You craved him like you craved air, so much so that if you were ever to go without him again you were certain you would not survive. Suguruâs hands lost their heistance once more, dull nails dragging up your back and causing you to arch into him.Â
You couldnât pull away, not when one of his hands found their home on the back of your neck. He kept you in place while his other hand snuck around from your back and found its way to your breasts once more. Your lips part easily, a cry ripping from your throat as Suguruâs fingers pinch one of your sensitive buds. He took the opportunity before him once more, tongue dancing around yours as he pulled and massaged the tender flesh of your swollen breasts. You squirmed on top of the altar, feeling your arousal clinging to your underwear as you moved. It only caused you to feel hotter, the deep rooted desire to feel him inside of you once more was becoming too much for you to bear in that moment.Â
Your legs spread to accommodate him better, scooting yourself forward so your covered sex was pressing to Suguruâs abdomen. He could feel the heat radiating through your bottoms, making his head spin with the desire to feel your cunt once more. âFuck I missed you.â He nearly hissed as he pulled away from you with spit covered lips, swollen from where your teeth had been pulling at them. âShow me how bad.â You slurred, eyes lidded as you tried pulling him back to you. Suguru doesnât hesitate anymore, letting you bend him to your whim. His lips find their home on yours once again, teeth and tongue clashing together as your hands wander his body.Â
Suguruâs teeth are sinking into your bottom lip, pulling at the pliant flesh and trying his hardest not to smirk as you whimper at the sting. His hands are mimicking your own, gliding over every ounce of bare skin he can reach, dull nails scraping until he feels you erupt in goosebumps. He pulls away again, leaving your head spinning from the constant changing contact. Before you can even open your mouth and complain, Suguruâs head is burying itself in your neck. He knew your weak points like the back of his hand, teeth scraping against the column of your neck before finding the perfect point to bite down. A shrill moan left your lips, no longer muffled by Suguruâs lips on your own. His canines were creating the perfect amount of pressure, sending your heart into a frenzy as if you were preparing for him to pierce your skin.
Suguru eased up a moment later, his hand slipping down between your bodies to press his fingers against your covered cunt. The sensation sends sparks of arousal through you, making your thighs twitch as he lapped greedily at the teeth indents he left behind. âMineâŚâ he gasped between licks âall mine.â Your mind blanked the moment his fingers found their way to your nipple again, twisting and pinching the sensitive bud until you felt tears burning your eyes. âSugu, please!â You tried to jerk away, fingers threading in his silky locks as you tried to create some sort of relief for yourself. Everything was too sensitive, the ache forming so deeply within your body that you were certain you would lose your mind before he made you cum.Â
âPlease what?â He rasped, sucking at your skin until it bruised. âFuck me.â You begged, tears pricking your pretty eyes and driving him absolutely wild. âFuck you?â Suguru smirked, tugging your nipple until those pretty eyes shed the tears you were holding back. âFuck me⌠oh fuck please, Suguru.â Your tone turned whiny, higher than usual as desperation won over your pride. Youâd get off this altar and beg him on your hands and knees if you had to. Even if it would be a bit of a struggle with your rather round stomach. âHow am I supposed to say no to that?â he soothed you, hands abandoning your breasts to cup your cheeks. He kissed you again, this time it was softer, with the intent to take his time even if it killed you.Â
You felt drunk, chasing his lips even as he pulled away. Shakily, Suguruâs hands moved down your body, holding your hips as his head lowered to trail wet kisses down your neck. You caught on to his intentions as he moved lower, kissing your collarbone before moving to your chest. Suguruâs tongue ran along your sternum, pulling a whimper from you as he placed not one but two loving kisses on your sensitive breasts. âYouâre so perfect.â He smiled up at you, lips hovering over the swell of your stomach. âSuch a good mama already.â So gentle it nearly made you cry, that sadistic side of him fading quickly with the overwhelming desire to please you took over his original intentions. Months apart didnât allow for him to tease you in the way he once did. Not now at least.Â
âSo beautiful.â He added one last time before kissing your stomach. He showered your pregnant tummy in kisses, nose nuzzling you softly as your babyâs fluttering kicks reached him. You felt your face burning up as Suguru moved lower, as if he hadnât been all over you for the last few years of your life. âI missed this cuntâŚâ he mewled softly as he lowered to his knees before you. âDreamt of it every time I got lonelyâŚâ he huffed out a laugh âwhich was very often.â His fingers were hooking into the waistband of your pants, eyes meeting yours as if to confirm one last time that this is what you wanted. You nodded, lips parted as quiet gasps shook you. âTake me, Suguru. Iâm all yours, always have been.â His eyes fluttered closed, inhaling deeply to try and ground himself before he lost all self restraint he had. âWhatever you want, youâll get.âÂ
You lift yourself awkwardly, giving Suguru enough room to pull your pants and underwear off in one easy swoop. You grimaced slightly as your bare skin met the smooth wood of the altar, it still felt rather wrong, but now wasnât really a time to be questioning your morals. Suguru was shameless as he admired what he had been missing so dearly, not even his wildest fantasies could compare to you. âFuck.â So soft you barely heard it, but still enough to have your thighs twitching as you spread them further for him. Your hands met the smooth wood behind you, leaning back to get comfortable and push most of your weight on your hands and arms so Suguru could access you better. âMay I?â His breath was hot on your inner thigh, nearly panting. âOf course you may, is that even a question, Suguru?âÂ
âI guess itâs not, but I just want to make sure.â He didnât give you a moment to respond, lips pressing to the plush of your inner thigh and sucking softly. You felt your lips tremble, eyes nearly tunneling as you focused on the top of his head over your baby bump. Suguru sucked bruises into your skin, inhaling your natural musk as he did so. One hand rested on your thigh, thumb brushing the skin beneath him tenderly as his other hand sank lower. Suguru groaned, vibrating your skin as his own hand brushed over his covered cock. Your heart was beating erratically, waiting not-so patiently for Suguru to do what he really wanted. Which was to devour you whole, but still, ever the patient man, he was taking his time. âSuguruâŚâ you breathed out, hips moving forward just a bit to silently encourage him to cut the teasing.Â
He didnât answer you, nose trailing along your inner thigh as he palmed himself through his pants. He was savoring every second of you being before him again, so much so that he couldnât help but take his sweet time with this part. Though, his self control could only be stretched so far before he, too, couldnât take it. Your hands nearly balled into fists as he retracted, a moment later his warm breath was fanning over your glistening cunt. âThank you for this blessing.â He offered slowly, dragging each syllable out until you felt its message vibrating the base of your skull. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of torture, Suguru placed an open mouth kiss on your slick folds. One kiss led to two, three, four, then his tongue was slipping between and running along your slit. You moaned, loud and unashamed as Suguru collected your juices on his tongue.Â
One hand was still groping himself, alleviating some of the ache but not nearly enough to satisfy him. His other hand was now squeezing your thigh rather than gingerly rubbing it. He had missed your taste, fuck had he missed your taste over these months apart. Your arousal was sticky, its flavor unique and utterly addicting. He could do this for hours if it meant tasting every drop of your cum. Your head was falling back, your thighs no longer twitching and tense. Rather, they fell apart with no resistance, leaving your cunt completely at his mercy. Suguruâs tongue was still gliding up and down your slit, stopping at your clit every few passes to flick at it, feeling your muscles jump under his ministrations before moving down towards your entrance. This was just another game of him teasing you until you were making a mess atop the altar without even coming.Â
âSuguruâŚâ you choked out, the arousal in your body thrumming with the need to be satisfied not tortured. Maybe he could hear that desperation in your tone, his nose bumping your pulsing clit as he pushed his tongue past your entrance. âOh fuck.â You mewled, eyes nearly rolling back from the pure sensitivity. You hadnât realized how reactive pregnancy would make you. Even the slightest of touches had your toes curling. It had always felt good, Suguruâs tongue had always managed to work unspeakable wonders on you. But now? It felt as if everything had been amplified, your lips trembling as the faintest signs of your impending orgasm began creeping up on you. Suguru was mindful of his position, using his nose to his advantage as he began to tongue fuck your cunt. âP-please⌠oh fuckâŚâ your arms were feeling weak, causing you to adjust you your elbows in order to not fall flat.Â
Suguruâs tongue buried as deep as he could manage, using his nose to nuzzle your clit until your pants had turned to rapid gasps. If he wasnât so preoccupied, heâd tease you for how sensitive you had become. It seemed every little action he made was causing your hips to jerk, a shrill cry leaving your pretty lips as he toyed with your cunt. Feeling you twitching beneath him, Suguru pulled his tongue away from your entrance to focus on your clit. His nose could only do so much, after all. You couldnât take it, the dizzying feeling of Suguruâs lips wrapping around your aching clit and sucking so harshly your back arched. Pleasure shot straight through you, making your thighs tense as you clenched around nothing. He was going to make you cum in record time at this rate. That realization had you burning up, eyes squeezing shut as you tried not to scream his name for the whole temple to hear.Â
Though that didnât really help you much, loud and unrestrainable cries left your lips amidst a jumble of pleas. Suguruâs name was intertwined into every profanity, begging him to let you cum. Suguruâs hand left your thigh, instead shooting up to dip two fingers between your drenched folds. You sucked him in greedily, your cries only turning shriller as he began roughly massaging your walls. Tears leaked down your cheeks in fat globs as you clenched around him, causing his fingers to stutter their pace in the process. Not that you noticed, your vision was already spotting with stars as your orgasm grew nearer. âS-Suguru fuck⌠Iâm gonna cum⌠youâre gonna make me cum Sugu⌠please⌠fuck please let me.â You were drunk off of your own lust, eyes lidded as you pleaded with him in nearly incomprehensible babbles.Â
He responded by curling his fingers, digging into your walls just right. His tongue was still flicking over your clit, the varying sensations were making your head spin. âSugu pleaseâŚâ You cried again, walls clamping around his digits so tightly he struggled to thrust them at all. He moved even faster, how that was possible you didnât know, but stars were sparkling across your vision as you came hard. That didnât cause him to slow down, actually it was quite the opposite. Suguru continued to fuck his fingers into you at a rapid pace, moaning wantonly as your slick squelches only turned louder in volume. Your orgasm had reached its peak but it wasnât slowing, your wails turning into silent gasps as Suguru began to overstimulate you. It wasnât until he finally pulled his lips away from your cunt that your body relaxed.Â
âGood girl⌠such a good girl.â Suguru murmured, eyes memorizing the sight of two of his fingers disappearing inside of your glistening cunt. You couldnât form a coherent sentence if you wanted to at that moment, arms feeling shaky as you tried to keep yourself propped up. Suguru caught on after another few seconds, pushing up from his kneeling position to stand before you again. You watched him stick the two digits in his mouth, sucking them clean before speaking again. âDonât tell me youâre already worn out, my love.â He smiled at you, chin and lips covered in your shiny cum. You shook your head slowly, despite clearly wanting to utter a weak âyesâ. Suguruâs arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a sitting position so he could kiss you properly. You let him do as he pleased, just like you always did, letting his lips sloppily cover yours so you could taste your own release. After a minute, he pulled away with reddened cheeks.Â
âFucking you⌠itâŚâ he stuttered a bit, suddenly turning shy as he tried to figure out how to word his question. âIt wonât harm the baby⌠will it?â You felt your eyes widen, lips twitching into a smile as you shook your head. âSex while pregnant is actually very safe, Sugu.â You assured him, not at all ashamed in the research you had done on the matter only a few weeks back. âPositive? It wonât harm you or the baby?â He asked for your reassurance despite having his fingers buried in your cunt moments prior. Not that his fingers were anything in comparison to his cock. âIâm positive, no harm can be brought to me or the baby during the act⌠Youâll just have to be easier on me, Sugu⌠Iâve gotten a lot more sensitive.â You felt your cheeks heating up, regardless of everything youâd just gone through. âAlrightâŚâ he kissed you again, softer, before pulling away.
You watched him with lidded eyes, a ghost of a smile on your swollen lips as Suguru began undoing the waistband of his pants. You were focused on the way his veins seemed to jump out as he undid the buttons, the sight making your jaw clench. Inch by inch, tanned and toned skin was revealed to your hungry gaze. Suguru was trying to hide his excitement as his cock was freed from the confines of his pants. You whined at the sight, even your fantasies did nothing to compare to the real thing. For a moment you nearly groaned about how much you had missed him. You managed to hold it in, not willing to subject yourself to his endless teasing, at least not right now. Right now, what you wanted was âPlease⌠youâre taking way too long, Suguru. I want you so badâŚâ You were repositioning yourself the way you had been when he went down on you, this time forcing your legs up to rest your feet on the edge of the altar.Â
A position that you typically didnât have to think much about was now causing you some difficulty, but you could push that aside if it meant heâd move a little faster. Suguru stepped out of his bottoms and discarded them off to the side with the rest of your crumbled up clothes. âOld habits die hard, you know. I canât help but draw things out, my pretty girl.â He closed the distance again, hands resting on your knees and unintentionally alleviating the pressure with his support. âI know, but I want you so bad⌠I want you inside of me, Sugu.â He was twitching, precum leaking steadily from his irritated looking tip. âFuck⌠okay⌠okayâŚâ one hand left your knee to wrap around the base of his neglected cock. Carefully, he gave himself a few harsh tugs, groaning as mild relief flooded his veins. You wanted to grumble about how you couldnât see him over the swell of your stomach, especially since he knew how much you enjoyed watching him.Â
âMay I?â Suguru asked, eyes meeting yours but you tilted your head. âWords, Sugu⌠I canât exactly see down there right nowâŚâ You held in a giggle as his lips parted before closing again, rosy cheeks deepening as he realized his fatal mistake. âOh.â laughter was laced with those two words, causing you to smile back. âMay I use your cum as lube?â Suguru spoke slowly, smirking at you as your small smile turned into a look of surprise. âI-Oh⌠fuck.â You choked, the back of your hand pressing to your mouth for a moment before you squeaked out a âyeah.â Suguru moved a second later, guiding the dull head of his cock between your folds and spreading them. You breathed out, low and stuttering as his head passed over your still sensitive clit. He repeated the motions a few times, watching you jump as heâd get caught on your entrance before moving up again. Suguru only stopped once he couldnât tell what was covering him more, his own pre-cum or your arousal.Â
His fist began dragging up his length, spreading it until he felt it was good enough for your comfort. âLay back⌠if you can.â Suguruâs tone had turned soft, yet again giving you whiplash from the constantly revolving tones and emotions. You nodded, pushing yourself further up the wooden altar. You werenât quite sure what Suguru had in mind at that moment, watching you get yourself situated so your whole body was on top of the platform. You leaned back, resting your body weight on your elbows but stopping when you felt your body begin to strain. âKinda hurtsâŚâ you mumbled, cheeks feeling warm as you tried to find a comfortable position with your swollen belly. âI bet itâs too much pressure to be on your hands and knees, right?â His eyes had softened, admiring you with a small smile as he watched you nod. âWould it be easier if you had support under your back?â Your brows creased, contemplating for a moment before nodding.Â
âIt wouldnât hurt to try.â Again, you didnât quite know how Suguru was going to go about helping you with that. But he was walking away from you, over to his discarded silk robes, and you felt your face burning up with the realization as he began to fold them. âThese are soft, if I place them under your back it should offer you some comfort.â he grinned as he walked back towards you on the altar, the fine robes folded in a neat pile. âSugu⌠what if we get themâŚâ but he shook his head, helping you sit up again so he could place them behind you. âIf they get dirty, they can be cleaned. I have a few backups of these, you know.â You shook your head, fighting off your laugh as he motioned for you to try and lay back again. âHow is that?â Suguru watched you carefully as you tried to get comfortable. âIf it doesnât help, I can figure something else out.â You had to avert your gaze for a moment, eyes lingering on his leaking cock before meeting his eyes.
âI doubt youâll be able to think straight for much longer, Suguru.âÂ
His eyes widened, cheeks flushing red as he was rendered speechless by your comment. âThis feels fine, Suguru. Just get up here with me.â You were leaning back on your elbows again, this time to watch him climb up on top of the altar with you, opposed for comfort purposes. âShow me how much you missed me, Sugu.â He couldnât help himself any longer, moving to climb on top of you as you leaned back completely. It certainly wasnât the most comfortable position or location you had been fucked in, but it would do. Especially when he was right there in front of you again. Nothing else mattered but him. âFuck I love you.â he nearly choked as he pressed his lips to yours, hands bracing himself by flattening on either side of your head. Your legs fell open easily, allowing him to press up against you as you locked your ankles behind the small of his back. Your hands found their home on his biceps again, the warmth of your bodies pressing to one another was as dizzing as the kiss. âYou good?â he rasped as he pulled back.Â
âYeah, Iâm fine.â You assured him, knowing he was worried about putting any weight on you. âIâm a little sensitive but Iâm not fragile, Sugu.â You would say anything at this point if it meant heâd get inside of you quicker. âPlease just⌠tell me if something isnât right.â You could feel his hips grinding up against you, cock sliding along your cunt but not going further. âI will⌠fuck I promise I will but Suguru please⌠I need you inside⌠so badâŚâ you whined, losing sense of your own rationality again as he teased you unknowingly. âOkayâŚokayâŚâ desperation was lacing his own words, one hand moving down to wrap around his shaft and guide his cock to your entrance. âItâs been a while, Iâll try to go slow.â You grumble out some sort of response, too worked up to care as his head pushes between your folds. Suguru feels your breathing stutter as he slips in, your cunt stretching to accommodate him. It didnât hurt, but you could feel the pressure ebbing its way down to your thighs, inhaling deeply as you tried to relax.Â
Suguru was focused, leaning back a little bit so he could watch himself disappear inside of you. âAlmost half way, sweet girl.â you whined out an âokayâ, eyes looking past him to the ceiling of the temple above you before moving back down to the top of his head. It felt like you needed to keep making sure this was real, that he was really in front of you, nevermind inside. Your walls were suctioning to him, clenching involuntarily as he finally bottomed out after what felt like an eternity. âThere we go⌠oh fuckâŚâ your face was contorted in pleasure, watching Suguru fall apart from simply entering you was more than you could handle. âFuck I missed you⌠I almost forgot how good you feel⌠shit.â He couldnât move yet, even though his hips were restless. Suguru was certain if he moved, he would cum then and there. He wasnât even sure how he had managed to keep it together while entering you, cock twitching so harshly he was certain he would have blown his load half way in. âSuguruâŚâÂ
His name was one of the few words you could remember at that point, the most your brain was willing to offer as it melted into a puddle of mush. âIâm right here.â he cooed, leaning down again to press his lips to yours once, twice, three times before showering the rest of your face in chaste reassuring kisses. âYouâre doing so good for me, sweet girl. Taking me so well after so many months⌠youâre so perfect⌠so fucking perfect.â he breathed, forehead pressing against yours as his body contorted around the swell of your stomach. âJust tell me when I can move, okay?â he had gotten himself together somehow, now all he wanted was to hear you tell him it was okay. You nodded, inhaling deeply before uttering out âokay⌠you can move⌠just start slow.â Suguru let out a shuddering breath, kissing you one last time before he drew his hips back halfway.Â
Suguru had always relied on harsh, quick snaps of his hips for you, knowing you enjoyed things rather rough. The request to be easy, start slow, be gentle with you, it was a change of pace he hadn't been prepared for. You whined for him, finding pleasure even as he rolled his hips into you to try and find a pace that felt good for him. Your cunt hadnât changed, still warm and tight, squeezing him to the point it was nearly hard to move. âA-are you okay?â breathless âYouâre so tight⌠itâs not uncomfortable for you, right?â You nodded, face warming as you tried to find the right words. âI-iâm okay it feels really good⌠just⌠sensitiveâŚâ you moaned as he rolled a little deeper, brushing that one particular spot. You clenched, somehow growing even tighter and causing Suguru to groan loudly. âY-youâre doing so good, SuguruâŚâ His eyes opened, meeting your gaze to make sure you werenât just saying it to appease him.Â
âI mean it.â you added, lips falling open as another breathy whine left you. Suguruâs hips continued to roll into you at an agonizing pace, sending shivers straight down your spine as molten pleasure settled in your gut. âY-you can speed up when youâre ready tooâŚâ It was your not so subtle way of showing your impatience, earning a low chuckle from Suguru as he rolled his hips at a faster pace. Your whines only grew in pitch, words of encouragement falling from your lips as Suguru worked towards a pace where heâd be able to thrust into you without overwhelming you. âI missed this cunt so badâŚâ he choked out, eyes lidded and mouth hanging open partially as he let himself get lost in the embrace of your body. âSo fucking softâŚâ he coudlnât get over it, the way your velvety soft walls clung to his cock with each movement.Â
It wasnât until his hips began to snap into you, watching your breasts bounce with each connection of your hips that Suguru realized how close he was to coming.Â
âOh fuckâŚâ he choked, face heating up as his hips stuttered in their pace. âIs something wrong?â you nearly cried out, eyes welling from pleasure as you looked at him. âI-Shit.â he gasped, hips unable to stop their movement. âGonna⌠fuck Iâm gonna cum.â he got it out finally, head falling foreward because of embarrassment. He hadnât had this issue since the first time you two slept together, back then it was from pure inexperience. Now, it was because heâd gone too long without you. âO-ohâŚâ you gasped out, back arching near painfully as he passed over that one particular spongy spot again. â...sâokay if you cumâŚSugu⌠I donât mind⌠haâŚâ  You were close again yourself, pregnancy causing you to become more sensitive than you thought possible. You couldnât recall a time where you had cum without any other stimulation to pair with Suguru thrusting into you. âI-are you sureâŚâ his head lifted, face completely red as he tried to concentrate on not making an absolute fool of himself.Â
âJ-just because you come it doesnât mean you have to pull out.â you added weakly, accidentally clenching around him and causing you both to moan in unison. âG-give me your all, Suguru.â Your plea was enough to have him curling into you, head resting on your chest as his hips stuttered into your cunt. You couldnât decipher what he was saying as he came, the words sounding like nothing more than mumbled nonsense. It was only when your own breathing settled that you realized what he was saying. âThank you⌠thank you⌠thank youâŚâ Over and over, quiet praises, thanking you again and again. Shakily your hand came up to run through his sweaty hair, your other hand resting on his bicep. âIâve got youâŚâ you added softly as you felt wet tears littering your chest. How odd it felt to see a grown man fall apart in every sense of the word. Suguru relaxed on top of the altar, slowly pulling himself back together as he looked at you. âI love you.â he uttered with pure adoration in his eyes.Â
âI love you too.â You whispered back, hand slipping from his hair to his cheek, cupping it. âYouâre so pretty, Sugu.â you smiled as his eyes closed again, nuzzling into your palm. âSo are you⌠ya know.â he cleared his throat a bit, hips still buried deep. âIâmâŚâ he laughed a bit. âIâm still hard.â You laughed with him, a bit worn out already âI know, I can feel it.â Your hips wiggled, Suguru watched as your face contorted in pleasure as you pushed him further into that one particular spot that had you seeing stars. âYou still need to come, pretty girl.â he was regaining his composure with each passing second. âYouâve already made me come once.â But you knew he was having none of that, five months apart did not equate to one orgasm. âWe both need to get off still.â he corrected, watching that pretty smile take over your features as your hands moved to wrap around his neck. âAlright, if you still have the energyâŚâ You teased him softly, pulling him closer to ghost your lips across one another. âMake me yours, again and again.âÂ
âAlways.â he kissed you, softer than any kiss you had shared that night. Slowly he found his rhythm for a second time, hips drawing back and forth into your spent cunt. Everything was hotter, wetter, thanks to Suguruâs release. Every moan was swallowed by his lips, tongues dancing around each other as Suguruâs hand slipped down between your bodies. Even with your pregnant stomach, even with the position you were in, he still managed to sneak his fingers down to your clit, rubbing it harshly until you were nearly yelling. Your body reacted to every touch, your orgasm building again, this time much faster than before. âOh-oh fuckâŚâ you were babbling again, fingers clawing at Suguruâs arms as your cunt clenched tightly around him. Saliva was smeared across your swollen lips, Suguru broke the kiss just to hear your noises properly. âCome for me⌠fuck I know youâre close⌠come for meâŚâ Suguru pleaded with you, hips growing sloppy again from his own sensitivity. You let out another loud cry of his name before spilling all over him, cunt clenching tightly as a warm gush of your own arousal dripped down to the altar below you. That was enough for Suguru, a string of curses flooding his mouth.Â
Still sensitive from his first orgasm, Suguru seemed to feed off the aftershocks by spilling into you a second time. You both laid there for a moment, panting heavily in the large, echoing chambers that surrounded you. âMerry Christmas.â You offered weakly, a hint of laughter coating your words as Suguruâs head fell to your chest with a breathless laugh. âBest christmas gifts I could have ever received, ya know.â He looked up at you, cheeks still a bit flushed as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. âI know itâs still a lot to process⌠but youâve got a home with me if youâre willing to take it⌠I know I said I wouldnât let you go butâŚâ Still hesitant, you smiled softly at him, hand cupping his sweat cheek as you soothed his worries. âMy home is with you, Suguru. From now on, where you go, I go.â Suguruâs shoulders visibly sagged in relief, leaning down to kiss your forehead for a second time with his eyes closed.Â
âLetâs get cleaned up and go home then, my sweet girl.âÂ
Despite everything, you found yourself praying once more that this wasnât just a dream. âYeah, letâs go home.â You smiled as his eyes opened, watching him straighten and kneel before you. You felt him slip out, making you both groan before his hands were reaching to help you up. âWhat a messâŚâ you were quiet as you looked down at the ruined altar top. âIt needed to be replaced eventually.â Suguru reassured you, getting down off of the polished wood and assisting you to the best of his abilities. âDo you think you can walk?â you felt your brows creasing at his question, wondering if your legs would be able to support you and your baby if you were to get off of this altar. âI⌠guess weâll find out.â But Suguruâs arms were on you in a second, supporting you almost entirely as he helped you get down to the floor. You had to admit your legs did feel jello, shaky and weak as you tried to stand without support. âThat wonât do.â Suguru chided, more so mad at himself for not taking it easy on his pregnant girlfriend.Â
âItâs okay, just help me get dressed so we can get out of here⌠I need a shower.â Suguruâs release was starting to drip down your thighs, warming your face as older memories entered your mind. âYes maâam.â He grabbed your things one at a time, helping you get your bra on, then your shirt. Next he got his own robes on so he could leave the room to get you a washcloth for the mess he made between your thighs. He returned a minute later with a warm, wet cloth in one hand and a fresh dry one in the other. âMy stuff is at a hotel, Suguru. Weâll need to get it before heading home.â While you could survive on Suguruâs clothes for a day or two, you desperately craved the silky maternity pajamas you had bought yourself a while back. âAlright, Iâll have the driver called to pick us up. Heâll bring us to that hotel and Iâll retrieve your things. Then weâll head home. Nanako and Mimiko are going to be so ecstatic to meet you, sweet girl.âÂ
Your heart skipped a beat at the thought, the two little girls Suguru had taken in would be waiting for their honorary father to return home. But what about you? âAre you sure? They know I exist?â you questioned as you spread your legs, letting Suguru gingerly clean up the remnants of his release and your own. âIâve told them all about you, they refer to you as Mama Y/N.â Mama. You blinked, maybe it was the pregnancy hormones making you sensitive, but that brought tears to your eyes. Suguru had never once spoken badly of you in your time apart, going as far as to speak about you so lovingly to these two little girls that they referred to you as mama without even meeting you. There was still so much that needed to be sorted out, so many emotions to pick apart, but for now it was christmas eve. Those things could wait for a day or two, for now all you needed to focus on was you, Suguru, and your baby growing within you.Â
December 24th, 2007 [Somewhere around 6:30pm]
âCheer up, Satoru. Itâs christmas eve and youâre moping around.â Shoko pressed his arm, watching his unfocused eyes snap back into reality just to see her. âWhat?â She sighed, shaking her head as she moved to lean against the wall Satoru had planted himself against. âI feel bad that she isnât here, too, Satoru. But she said she wasnât feeling goodâŚâ But Satoru shook his head, pushing himself off the wall for the first time that evening. âSheâs withdrawing from us, she has been for the last few weeks⌠ever sinceâŚâ But he couldnât say it, for some reason he found himself choking up trying to utter Suguru's name. âEver since she saw him, I know.â Saying his name wasnât exactly smart given the people in the room with them. âSheâs just⌠sheâs alone on Christmas Eve, Shoko. Thatâs not fair⌠we should be with her or she should be with us.â He began shifting from foot to foot, for the first time that night he felt antsy enough to get off the wall he glued himself to and move. âI agree, Satoru, but she doesnât feel goodâŚâ
âI think she's full of shit, using it as an excuse.â he spat with more venom than necessary, not really directed at you but more so directed at himself. Shoko studied him for a moment, unsure of how to continue considering they were in a room full of close friends. Friends who all felt the absence of three particular people⌠Haibara, Suguru, and of course, you. It was a much quieter Christmas eve than previous years. So, reluctantly, Shoko pushed off the wall âLetâs get some air, Satoru. I think you could really use it.â Satoru met her gaze, lips parting before closing again and shoving his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. Without a word, he unpeeled himself from the wall and trailed after Shoko. The two had barely stepped foot into the cold air before Satoru was seething again. âSheâs distancing herself from us, Shoko, donât you realize that?â Shoko was pulling a cigarette and lighter out of her pocket, bringing the cylinder to her lips as she mumbled out âOf course I recognize that, Satoru.â for a moment he bit his tongue, the urge to scream at her for her casual nature was making him feel weak to his own emotions.Â
âThen what do we do? Weâre going to lose her if we donât figure this outâŚâ if he hasnât already. Satoru couldnât shake the pit in his stomach, the feeling that he had already lost you was weighing him down. He had let Suguru slip through his fingers, and now it seemed he was letting it happen all over again with you. âI have no idea, Satoru. I wonât lie, Iâm not as close with her as you are⌠I mean you guys just seem to have a much deeper bond than friendshipâŚâ Shoko corrected when Satoruâs head whipped in her direction. She loved you dearly, and she knew that you loved her right back. But she would be an idiot to deny the fact that you and Satoru seemed to have a bond much deeper than friendship. âI donât know what you meanââ Satoru choked, lips pressing into a thin line as he nervously pushed his glasses up again. âDonât lie, Satoru. You know exactly what I mean.â But Satoru was not going to openly admit to his feelings for you right then. âYou love her in a different way than me, Satoru. You have since our first year here.â But it seemed Shoko was more than willing to take the opportunity for him.Â
âNow isnât the timeâŚâ but he could feel his voice trembling as he spoke, head turning away from her to glance across the courtyard. âThen when is it time, Satoru?â Again, something he didnât have the answer for, something he probably would never have the answer for. âIâŚfuck I donât know okay? But right now definitely isnât the time.â He looked as if he wanted to jump out of his own skin, Shoko inhaled her smoke deeply before pulling the cig away and letting out in one breath. âGo to her, if you think that is whatâs right. But donât come back at me if she bites your head off for waking her.â Maybe Shoko had a little too much faith in your capabilities to remain strong. Satoru, on the other hand, felt like he was racing against a timer that may have already hit zero. âAlright.â Was all he could push out in that moment, feet moving before his mind could even process it. âBut we do need to have this conversation at some point, Satoru!â Shoko called but he was already halfway across the courtyard. âSome Christmas Eve this is.â She huffed, watching the smoke slip past her lips again as she let her head fall back.Â
If she could, she would run to you right now and hold you close. But things had grown so complicated, for some reason she couldnât find the strength to sit down and pull the information out of you. Deep down, even though she didnât want to admit it, she knew it was only a matter of time before you disappeared just as Suguru had. She couldnât say she blamed you, had she been in your shoes she would likely do the same. She knew how dear he was to you, how much love you held in your heart for him even after his deflection. Now you were carrying his child. Shoko could come to terms with the fact that her support and her presence was small in comparison to the support and love Suguru would shower on you and your unborn child. Satoru, however, could not swallow that pill and keep it down. He loved you, much more than a friend. Shoko has known that since your first year at Jujutsu Tech, as much as Satoru had been pining, Suguru had beat him to you⌠and inevitably won your heart. She knew it ate him alive to this very day.Â
â
Satoru couldnât figure out why his hands were trembling as they gripped the railing. Every step he took, every step that carried him up towards your dorm floor had his legs threatening to crumble. He couldnât shake the doom gripping at his heart, as if he somehow already knew that something was terribly wrong. Still, he pushed forward despite his heart threatening to break out of his ribcage and fling itself out the nearest window. It was quiet as he hit the landing, so quiet it felt empty, as if there was no human life inhabiting the floor. Satoruâs stomach was dropping with each step he took, forcing air into his lungs just to exhale slowly as he approached your dormâs door. His hand raised, knuckles rapping against the door. âY/N? You Awake?âÂ
No answer.Â
Satoruâs hand wrapped around the cool metal of the doorknob before twisting and pushing it open. âY/N?â he took a step inside, surprised to see your desk lamp on. It took Satoru another second to process that you werenât present in the room. He blinked slowly, eyes traveling over a room that now felt foreign to him. Inch by inch, he noticed that things were missing. Your room feels emptier than usual, and not just because of your absence. âShit.â He chokes, walking further into your dorm room to assure himself that he wasnât imagining it. Usually, heâd never invade your space in such a way but Satoru found himself ripping your closet door open and cursing louder when he realized a majority of the hangers were empty.Â
He couldnât see straight, not as he stumbled backwards and out of your room. Satoruâs legs carried him on autopilot, straight down the hall to Shokoâs empty dorm room. He pushed the door open, flicking on the lights and checking her bed to make sure you hadnât snuck in to it. As expected, it was empty. The door slammed so hard it rattled the frame, but Satoru couldnât even hear it, not over the roaring of blood in his ears as he stumbled down to his dorm room. He swung the door open so hard it hit the wall and ricocheted back at him, but he was already in the room and out of its path. His eyes were frantic, wide and unnerving as he looked at his empty bed⌠a note neatly sitting on his pillow, his name written in your scrawling font.Â
Bile burned Satoruâs throat, without even picking up the envelope he knew it was a goodbye.Â
The bile burning his throat wasnât going back down, panic ebbed through his veins as he turned on his heels and stumbled into the bathroom. Satoru puked the little contents he had left in his stomach, tears blurring his vision as he tossed his glasses onto the tile floor. It wasnât until he heaved a third time that his knees gave out on him, hitting the cold tile below him with a sickening thud. He couldnât see through the tears, a mix of broken sobs and curses falling from his lips as saliva filled his mouth and his stomach squeezed painfully tight. For a minute he thought it would be impossible to pull air into his lungs, maybe the universe would grace him with blacking out. Maybe when he woke up heâd realize this was all a bad dream.Â
But the universe wasnât that kind to Satoru, it probably never would be.
There, on the bathroom floor, the strongest sorcerer was reduced to a crying mess. All because of you, all because of his mistakes, all because of things he had let slip through his fingers. How childish could he be? To mess up so badly the first time that he failed Suguru. The eyes that were supposed to see everything had let his best friend fall with no one to catch him. Now, it was you, right before his very eyes he watched you slowly decay into a shell of your former self. But, again, he ignored the warning signs and you had slipped right through his grasp. He couldnât process anything else in that moment, fingers gripping the sides of the toilet as he heaved again.Â
Satoru wasnât sure how long he remained a crumpled heap on his bathroom floor, but eventually there was nothing else that could come out of him. In a daze, Satoru pulled himself off the ground, flushing the toiletâs contents, standing to grasp for the faucetâs knobs and pulling until cold water rushed from its opening. The cold water grounded him, forcing air into his too-tight lungs, one after another, until tears were flowing freely down his cheeks again. Was this a panic attack? Is that what it felt like? Like you were drowning on dry land? He wasnât sure, but he knew he needed to read whatever you left behind in that envelope.Â
He needed to have some idea on why you did this, even if he knew why you did this. He turned the water off, silence ringing in his ears as he dried his shaking hands and stumbled into his too cold bedroom. Satoru wiped his eyes, over and over and over until the tears stopped long enough for him to see clearly. Grabbing the envelope, he sat himself down at his desk, letting the lampâs golden glow illuminate the words he was too scared to read. He stared at it, blinking slowly as he looked over your handwriting. How did he let this happen, not once but twice? That anger from earlier was bubbling in his stomach again, threatening to reduce him to a scared child as he hurled anything left in his stomach. This time he swallowed it down.Â
The paper was cold in his hands as he ripped open your neatly put together work. Inside the envelope was one piece of paper. One piece of paper was all you needed to say goodbye. His heart clenched, lips forming into a scowl at the very thought. Maybe he had been a fool all this time, a fool to think he meant anything of significance to you. The urge to rip the single page nearly overtook him, not willing to let you explain yourself and just throw it away. You had thrown everything away, after all. What harm was him ripping up one, useless, pathetic letter?Â
He set it down before doing something that irrational, his mind going through a mix of emotions that he could only describe as grief. Mourning someone who wasnât dead all over again.Â
Satoru stared at the letter, heart squeezing so tightly in his chest as he spotted water marks. Water stains where your tears had smudged the ink slightly. Every ounce of anger in his body seemed to vanish the moment he saw them, something so small that delivered such a big message. He inhaled deeply, trying to find some sort of sanity to cling to before picking up the page and reading everything you had written for him. It was you after all, no matter how upset he got, heâd never be able to do any of the things he had contemplated only seconds prior. Shakily, he picked it up, holding it at an angle where he could easily read its contents.Â
Satoru,Â
I donât know where to start, so maybe itâs best if I donât even try. If I were to sit here as I am now, writing down every single thing I ever wanted to say to you Iâd run out of paper and time. So, although you deserve far better than this letter, I will try and keep it short and to the point.Â
You have done everything for me over these last five months, and there is nothing I can do that will ever amount to something worthy of returning the favor. I will forever be thankful for everything you have done for me. I would not have survived these last few months if it werenât for you, Toru.Â
I donât want you to blame yourself, because my choice is completely my own. There is nothing you could have done to change my mind. I think we both know that, whether you want to believe it or not. I canât imagine the pain Iâm causing you by doing this⌠Iâm not going to ask for your forgiveness because truly I donât deserve it and I donât expect it.Â
I cannot go about my pregnancy without Suguru knowing. This is something that is meant to be precious to me, cherishing every minute of my baby growing inside of me⌠but I havenât been able to enjoy it. My child deserves a happy mother and their father to be in their life. The only thing you are unable to provide for me, Satoru, is bringing Suguru back to our side.Â
I have no choice but to go, for the sake of myself and the sake of my baby, I need him to know.Â
This isnât how I wanted things to happen, you know. I donât think that needs to be said because of course I didnât intend on getting pregnant and Suguru losing his mind. I didnât intend on leaving you or Shoko. I didnât think Iâd ever have to say goodbye to you, Satoru. Nevermind having to say it through a shitty letter. God this is fucking stupid. You deserve so much more than a fucking letter.Â
Please, find your happiness, Satoru. I love you.Â
Your Y/N
Tears were burning his tired eyes, distorting your words as he tried to read it for a second time. Time seemed to stretch on forever in that one moment, leaving him to feel like a hollow shell of the person he once was. His heart was no longer within his chest, he was sure of it. Half of it had been taken by Suguru when he deflected. Now, the other half was long gone, tucked away in whatever belongings you had taken with you when you left. Nothing but a hole was left in its place, the broken halves of his heart were somewhere far away with the two people who meant more than anything to him. Maybe theyâd do him a favor and stitch the halves together again.Â
~ END OF PART 2 ~
Thank you so much for reading, I hope I didn't hurt you too much. As always, likes, comments, reblogs, and asks are always welcomed and greatly appreciated... till we meet again in part 3 :) - May đŠľ
#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen angst#jjk smut#jjk angst#geto suguru smut#geto suguru imagines#geto suguru x reader#suguru geto#geto suguru#suguru geto x reader#geto x reader#suguru x reader#suguru x y/n#suguru x you#jujutsu kaisen imagine#satoru gojo#gojo satoru#shoko ieiri#geto smut#satoru#gojo#geto x you#geto x y/n#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen scenarios#May's Pale BlueđŠľ
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Ahh no don't worry no one's mad at you!! I'm just so cumplane pilled at this point I've memorized and dissected every time they've talked to each other like they're specimens on my lab table
What you consider "writing" is kind of up in the air I suppose-- he does critique Airplane's word choices and phrasing a lot (usually when it comes to his r/menwritingwomen prowess), but he does say:
This novel had an incredible amount of foreshadowing, plotlines everywhere, mystery after mystery, layer upon layer of red herrings. And at the end-- not a single one paid off! It was enough to make him want to puke a fountain of blood.
Book 1, pg. 14
So there's an acknowledgement that Airplane is skilled in setting up complex plot points and foreshadowing, just that he never follows through with solving them (which is explicitly why Shen Yuan keeps reading). PIDW was published on a subscription model (which is common for web novels), so actually Shen Yuan didn't just pay for a full published book (which it's also suggested he might have since at one point he mentions PIDW having like 50 volumes, though it's unknown whether this is hyperbole/a figure of speech or if he actually did buy paper copies of the whole book), but paid basically every single day for every single chapter published, probably as soon as Airplane posted them:
Who could have imagined that an upstanding young man like him-- who had properly purchased the website's VIP currency and read the novel's official version...
Book 1, pg. 12
Backed up in Airplane's narration:
Even though this famous Lord Cucumber spewed criticism constantly and without end in "Great Master" Airplane's comments sections, his subscription payments and demands for updates never wanted.
Book 4, pg. 148
Now however much of Peerless Cucumber's money Airplane actually saw is up in the air depending on his contract and platform, etc, but from a consumer perspective webnovel subscriptions tend to be fairly expensive so considering how many chapters PIDW had I don't think it would be out of the realm of possibility that he genuinely did pay Airplane's rent at some point
so many punchlines in this fandom boil down to "haha airplane shitty author" and i feel like it's important to remember that SQH was writing pure porn because it literally paid his rent and mister NEET third son of wealthy family-Shen Yuan actually had no business criticising him for it as harshly as he did, especially considering that, you know, nobody was forcing him to read PIDW. obviously SQH had no way of knowing that his little fictional world would come to life - he wrote tragic backstories because, again, it paid his rent. in the end SY literally got to marry his ultimate blorbo and still dares complain??
idk i'm just feeling emotional over airplane today :')
"Itâs just that he really, truly loved this story heâd written." (airplane extras)
#long post#long posts#really long post#really long posts#cumplane#i hope your exam went well tho!!#that was me all this week too i had 3 midterms dies. and then i got covid . extra dead triple killed#now i feel like peerless cucumber (shroom body) for real
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Hey! I love your work. Can you do the demon brothers with an mc that goes quiet when they're talked over? Also, I hope exams went well!
hi!! thank you for the wait! also, thank you for the well wishes! I did pretty good :3
I will absolutely write this for you! enjoy!!
Mc that goes quiet when talked over
Lucifer
he's very quick to notice you've gone silent, considering he's always paying attention to you
will silence who ever spoke over you, on purpose or not, and make sure you continue what you were saying
if you look dejected or upset in any way, they will have to apologize to you, especially if it was one of his brothers
after all, everything you say is precious to him <33
Mammon
gonna be honest, it might have been him that spoke over you...
not on purpose of course, even if it's just a one on one conversation
once he realizes, he pauses mid sentence and asks you to repeat what you said
he shyly apologizes and carefully listens to you until it inevitably happens again
Levi
not one to say anything in the moment but will feel guilty about not doing anything
if you don't manage to get out what you were trying to say during that conversation, he tries his best to remember to ask about what you wanted to say later because he knows what that feels like
if you do, he will apologize later for not helping you out
either way, it ends in kisses and a levi puddle
Satan
ever the gentleman, he looks at you first to see how you're feeling, and if you want to continue
if you do, he'll make room for you in the conversation
if you don't, he will find a way to bring up the topic again so you can continue what you wanted to say naturally
and if you're near each other, he'll hold your hand to show you he cares
Asmo
def the "they asked for no pickles" type man
WILL interrupt the interrupter to ensure you get your words in while being semi polite and semi passive agressive
also will make the interrupter listen carefully to what you said
and if they don't! he's kicking them out of the conversation because he won't tolerate that kind of behavior
Beel
he's the mvp who turns to you and asks you to continue what you were saying despite the main conversation
he keeps his full attention on you and tries to engage to show he's listening
if it's pertinent to the main conversation, he waits for an opening to announce that you have something to say
he makes sure everyone listens to you like the sweetheart he is
Belphie
he's another one that will so interrupt the interrupter but in a much less friendly cute way than Asmo
he will straight tell them to shut up
his brothers will usually be huffy but comply, but if it's not one of them, he will make them listen
anyone who doesn't listen will be seeing him later in their nightmares
#obey me#obey me!#obey me satan#obey me x reader#obey me asmo#obey me levi#obey me beel#obey me belphie#obey me mammon#obey me lucifer#omswd#obey me shall we date#obey me mc#headcanons#gn reader
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super confident!ellie x really bold and forward reader at a party and theyâre both just bored and the more ellie talks to reader the more shes stumbling over her words by how quickly she responds to ellieâs lines and ellie knows sheâs fucked bc she cant stop thinking about the girl that she fucked at the party yayyyyy
Rose - (ellie williams x reader)
hi anon! i had so many ideas for this, i might make a part 2 because yes or ill make a different version ughhhh...i hope you enjoy it<3
Pairing: ellie x fem!reader
requests are open! send me your silly thoughts
warnings: sexual themes
Summary: in which she cant forget you
authors note: i submitted my application, lets see if i get accepted because i will lose my mind if i don't
masterlist
The smell of weed was the first thing that reached Ellie's nose when she walked into the house.
Mid term exams has had her stressed and she's barley been out. Whoever said college would be easy, lied because she's never been this stressed.
She needed to blow off some steam and what better way is there than to get blackout out drunk and to fuck a random girl she'll never talk to again.
It was too early in the night to make a move. She need to wait for the straight girls to get drunk, and for the overly emotional girls to come her way.
She sat on a couch scanning the room. So many victims, so many options.
Who will be the lucky girl tonight?
"You know its gross to eye fuck innocent people?" she heard a voice talk next to her.
A small frown appeared on Ellie's face when she turned to you.
Holy shit, who are you?
Her eyes scanned your body.... fuck
Maybe you'd be the lucky one
You noticed her staring and you rolled your eyes before saying: "Take your pervert eyes off me"
Oh you were feisty.
Ellie never had a problem with women. Most of them threw themselves at her, all she needed to do was say a few words and give them a small smile and they'd be moaning her name minutes later.
She was confident that she'll get you too. She just needed to pull out all the stops when it came to you.
Ellie chuckled at your comment "I'm not a pervert, I'm just checking to make sure you don't have a weapon on you?" she joked.
"What weapon? My strap on?" You snorted.
oh.
Ellie wasn't expecting that.
"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" you teased at her sudden silence.
Ellie shook her head quickly gaining her composure.
"Has anyone ever told you that you were pretty?" She quickly tried changing the subject.
You hummed "quite a few... has anyone ever told you that you suck at flirting?"
Now this made her jaw drop.
You didn't giggle like she expected, you didn't give her a shy smile.
What the fuck is happening?
"You're boring" you state, you got up and left.
You left the Ellie Williams speechless.
The longer the night went on the more her mind drifted to you. Her mission of finding someone to fuck ended as soon as you came into the picture.
She wanted you. She was on a mission to find you. But between all the people grinding up against each other she thought that would be impossible.
"Hey there loser" she heard your voice she immediately turned to you.
"h-hey" did she just fucking stutter?
"Did you find someone to fuck yet?" you asked she shook her head.
"Maybe we can..." Ellie went silent, too shy to finish her sentence.
She made two scissors with her hands and she made a scissoring motion "you k-know.... me and you"
You laugh at her. You fucking laugh at her.
"Don't be pathetic, use your words"
Ellie felt humiliated. Why were you telling her what to do? Normally she was the one giving orders. Ellie decided that its time to switch roles. She wanted to be in charge.
"Well lets go to the bathroom and ill show you what i can do"
"so you're saying im some kind of cheap fuck?"
"N-no i mean... i meant like-"
"see fucking pathetic"
Ellie was sweating, her cheeks were tinted in a dark shade of pink.
What were you doing to her?
You gently took her hand "show me where your dorm is" was all you said.
The rest was a blur to her.
Lips passionately touching each other, clothes flying off, your fingers in her. A tiny rose tattoo on your left shoulder. She's never cum so hard in her life.
After tonight she knew you fucked her over.
No one had made her this nervous, no one has ever made her finish this hard, no one had ever made her this submissive.
Who are you?
Ellie groaned when she heard her alarm go off. She rolled over to the side of the bed you were laying on, but you weren't there.
She opened her eyes to a cold empty bed.
"Fuck" she sighed.
She never got your name, she doesn't have your number, she doesn't know anything about you.
The memory of you on top of her, you moaning was all she could think about.
Fuck, how she just forget that? How could she forget you?
The only thing she remembered was the rose tattoo on your left shoulder.
"Fuck rose who are you?"
<3
#ellie williams#ellie tlou2 x reader#ellie tlou#ellie the last of us#ellie tlou x reader#ellie williams blurb#ellie williams drabble#ellie williams fanfic#ellie williams fanfiction#ellie williams imagine#ellie smut#ellie#ellie and dina#ellie miller#ellie tlou2#ellie willams x reader#ellie williams angst#ellie williams core#ellie williams fan fic#ellie williams fic#ellie williams fluff#ellie williams one shot#ellie williams oneshot#ellie williams promlt#ellie williams smut#ellie williams the last of us#ellie williams tlou#ellie williams tlou2#ellie williams x fem reader#ellie williams x female reader
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Virgin!Eddie thoughts?
THE CUSTOMER'S ALWAYS RIGHT | quid pro quo
summary: eddie muson is a virgin and doesn't want anyone to know (because being an adult who's never fucked anyone is a total reputation ruiner). but you, his favorite customer, are more than willing to change that. pairing: eddie munson / f!reader word count: 6.5k (holy shit this was supposed to be a blurb) warnings: talks of virginity and masturbation, the word "tit" too many times, a handjob (sorta?) 18+ mdni a/n: you asked for thoughts but i had way too many of them for a single post so i might turn this into a whole virgin!eddie series that will only see the light of day if you guys are into this so... no pressure <3
( MASTERLIST ) | ( NEXT )
You were Eddieâs favorite customer, though that went without saying. It was something both of you were more than aware of. Albeit it, it was a little strange, since he â the supplier of your weed â was essentially paying for your high. He doesnât mind it, though. He never did. You made it up for him in other ways; and, no, itâs not as perverted as it sounds.
Itâs actually much, much weirder.
It was your fourth time meeting with him but your first time without any money to give him in exchange. Youâre all pink and fidgeting and feeling like a total loser as you shift on the hard wooden bench across from him.
Your gaze is tilted away from his and down at your hands where you twist the rings on your fingers â âI was supposed to get paid last Friday, but my boss is paying me weekly now instead of every two weeks, so he completely changed my payday on me, and he swears he told me about it, but he totally didnâtâ anyway, thatâs beside the point. I donât have any money to give you, or like, at all. Genuinely. Iâm gonna be lucky if I get to eat anything other than top ramen for the next few days.â
âDamn,â he laughs, not in amusement at your situation but rather pitying you for it. âThat sucksââ
âThat sounds like Iâm guilt-tripping you, doesnât it?â you keep rambling. âIâm really not. Iâm just trying to be honest. Iâm not, like, trying to do you over or anything. I swear. You probably donât even care. Youâre my drug dealer, not my friend, I wouldn't blame you if you didn'tâ Iâm making a total fool out of myself, arenât I?â
âNo, not at all,â Eddie assures sincerely, the hint of a smile curling at the corner of his lips. Thatâs all he can muster. He feels like the fool right about now because your words sting a little harder than intended.Â
He always considered you a friend. Or, at least, a whole lot more than just a client. Youâre the only customer he has fun with, who he can laugh with, who doesnât just hang around long enough for him to hand you your drugs like everyone else does, who actually cares enough to make conversation with him. Â
Maybe thatâs why he chose to give it to you for free that day.Â
Because heâs started to grow fond of you (and because he genuinely believes that youâre in a bad way and that moneyâs a little too tight for you right now. He knows all too well what thatâs like.)Â
But he asks you for a favor in return when you take the plastic baggie from him. It has him blushing with embarrassment like youâd been just minutes before. He canât meet your gaze as he says the words, but he can feel the incredulous beam of it piercing holes into him.
âYou, Eddie Munson, are willing to give me weed, for free, as long as I⌠help you pass your next English exam?â
You werenât repeating it to mock him or to make him feel bad for being a third-year senior. Youâre just actually shocked because you know a thing or two about the Munsonâs. You know that his Uncle is working two jobs, and his nephew has resorted to drug dealing to compensate for their being strapped for cash. You also know that suppliers giving out anything for free is bad for business, so itâs essentially unheard of.Â
And aside from all that, Eddie wanting to study â to want to try to be good at something rather than just winging it and hoping for the best â was almost as surprising as him wanting you to be the one to help him. You literally have Gareth, his best friend, in your English class, and heâs way better at it than you are.
You try to find what makes you somehow special but come up short.
âIs that, like, really weird?â he wonders meekly, scrunching his nose and peering at you through his lashes. His eyes are the color of chocolate syrup, you notice then. Like, exactly. And they have a sort of sheen to them beneath the sun, like he's trapped a star inside of them.
âYes,â you answer with a laugh that's as light as air. âConsidering you couldâve offered literally anything else. Like, I donât knowâ groping my tits or something.â
Itâs what you were half-expecting. Not because you thought Eddie was that kind of guy, but because thatâs how it often went down, at least in porn. A busty (broke) blonde orders a pizza, a man with an enormous dick delivers it⌠Itâs a tale as old as time, really.
Your words make him tense for the second time in five minutes.Â
He almost wants to be offended that youâd think of him that way, but his yearning far overpowers his wounded ego.
Heâs got a soft heart. That offer never wouldâve crossed his mind, and even if it did, heâd never be stupid enough to say it out loud. But he didnât realize how much he liked you until right then. It wasnât just a friend caring for another friend, but a boy with a crush on a girl eons out of his league (with boobs he would happily touch if sheâd let him).
He clears his throat and irrationally prays that you arenât a mind reader.
âIâm down if you are,â he answers with a playful lilt to his voice that makes you giggle again. Heâs happy to hear it. Your laugh is like being basked in sunshine. He wants to keep it in his pocket when he gets lost in the shade.Â
Thatâs the moment that started it all â the strange friendship that formed out of practically nothing. Who knew what being poor, free weed, an historically low GPA, and a missed opportunity for tit-groping could do to two people?
From then on, all your weed was free. As long as you broke down all the themes in Of Mice and Men for him, of course. And then, when he ultimately aced that paper, he wanted to run his D&D campaign by you â âSo, you know, it isnât totally lame when I show it to the rest of Hellfire.â
âOf course, itâs gonna be lame,â you deadpan from across the rotting bench. âItâs Dungeons and Dragons.â
He goes red at that, a flash of pink blotched around his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. He glows cherry with embarrassment and smiles faintly as he looks down at his hand, fidgeting with his silver skull ring. Itâs cute. Too cute. The kind of cute that makes you grin to yourself without even thinking about it.
âIâm kidding, Edsââ
Eds. That was new, the boy remarks to himself. Not the nickname itself, perhaps, but the fact that you were the one calling him by it. Youâre getting more comfortable with him. He likes that. It gives him a false hope; that one day heâll be a friend to you and not just your dealer.
ââIt sounds really fun actually,â you assure him with nod and a twinkling gaze that proves you sincere. âAs long as youâll smoke with me during.â
âI donât really like to use my own productâŚâ That was a lie. Mostly. He didnât like to smoke his own stuff because that burned a hole into his profits. But that didnât mean he didnât do it. It was far too tempting to have a tin full of so much weed never more than just a few inches away.
Now heâs got a pretty girl in front of him, wanting to smoke with him, wanting to spend time with him. Hellâs freezing over as they speak and that certainly calls for a celebratory smoke session.
A smirk pulls at his pink lips and he tilts his head, bringing his ear to his shoulder, as he looks at you with a glimmering umber gaze.
âBut Iâm willing to make an exception. Just for you.â
Eddie swears you blush at that, but he catches only the shortest glimpse of your crimson cheeks before you duck your gaze to the table. The beam on your face is only half-washed away, however, when you turn up to look at him again. You look shy, almost, as you peer at him through your lashes.
âYouâll basically have to start from scratch too, you know that, right? I donât know anything about that shit.â
âWell, Iâm glad I can be your first,â he quips.
You laugh again. Itâs like the pinky-orange of a sunset. He could paint it if he had the right supplies. And a set of hands that were good for things other than rolling die and playing guitar.
It was his first time, really. In every aspect of the phrase.
It was the first time a girlâs ever offered to hang out with him and not the other way around. The first time a customerâs ever offered to share their weed with him. The first time someoneâs ever wanted him to explain his favorite hobby and not care that heâs been rambling for the better part of an hour.Â
He doesnât even notice that he hasnât shut up since he started talking, mostly because you arenât giving him that look of annoyance people usually have when he hasnât gotten the hint. Most couldnât care less about goblins and villains and battles and knights and princesses â princess knights.
Itâs more interesting than you ever hoped a board game could be, but less so as enchanting as the glow Eddieâs got about him as he rambles on and on about something that makes him so happy.
Heâs beaming and he doesnât even realize it. He has no idea he could light up an entire solar system with the smile on his face. Youâd tell him if it didnât feel totally inappropriate.
It takes two weeks to perfect the campaign, which isnât at all long if you compare it to the year it took him to build it from scratch. When the Cult of Vecna (you pat yourself on the back for coming up with the name) is polished and Hellfire worthy, Eddie starts giving you weed... just because.
Thereâs nothing left for him to offer in exchange. And he isnât going to turn his favorite customer down for anything.
âWhat? No tutoring? No D&D campaign?â you wonder with furrowed brows and a face contorted in confusion.
Eddie shrugs and swings the baggie full of greenery back and forth with the tip of his pointed finger. âNope. Iâm passing English and the campaignâs all finished â the guys love it, by the way. Thanks to you. Youâve helped me out with enough shit, so⌠just take it.â
âWell, now I just feel bad,â you reject with a scrunched nose, displeased at the idea of taking something and not doing anything for it in return. He can hardly afford it to begin with, much less without anything in exchange. âYou're basically paying for my weed already. I canât just take it.â
âYou could,â the boy lilts with a sardonic nod. âMy hand's getting a little tired here, sweetheart.â
You huff and reach across the bench for the plastic baggie. Your face is still twisted with an absentminded annoyance and your gaze still uncertain. âYou sure itâs okay?â
âYeah. Cross my heart.â
âFine.â
âUnless groping your tits is still on the table, of course,â he squints playfully over at you and then smiles softly at the recollection of the conversation from many moons ago.
It was supposed to be a joke. But youâre not laughing.
And when you nod at him, he isnât either.
Itâs got him nearly choking on air and sputtering for a response. âNo, I wasâ I was justâ It was a joke. I was just kidding.â
âI know. But, I donât know, Iâm down if you are,â you shrug. âThatâs what you said before, right?â
And Eddie has no idea what to say to that. Of course, he wants to. There are a billion things he wants to do. He wants to graduate, he wants to play a show at the Madison Square Garden with Corroded Coffin, he wants to bend you over this table and fuck you silly.
He could do all those things if he were a different person, but he wasnât. Heâs just some guy who canât pass an English class he's already taken three times, with a mediocre band that plays in front of about five drunks (if theyâre lucky), who has a crush on a girl whoâs offering to let him feel her up for a short-lived high.Â
He repeats that last part to himself in his head a couple times. It sounds like a dream he had once. He pinches the skin of his wrist, just to make sure, and winces when it starts to hurt.
Itâs real, youâre real, and thatâs the scariest part.Â
Because heâs never actually seen boobs that werenât projected from a television screen through the grainy film of a VHS tape, or pictured in a crinkled magazine he stole from a gas station â let alone touched one. And the second he puts his hands on you, and you feel him shaking like a leaf and totally unsure of what to do, youâll know that.Â
That is, if he doesnât come in his pants first.
Heâs terrified that when you do realize that heâs a complete and utter, absolute and proper virgin, youâll think heâs significantly less cool. And he canât have that.
Itâs bad for clientele. Theyâll stop seeing him as the mysterious metalhead from the wrong side of the tracks but rather as some teddy bear whoâs never actually been inside a woman.
He could probably handle the potential drop in income and the talks around school. Hell, he could even handle all the shit Jason Carver would spew at him if he knew. But the idea that youâll stop wanting to hang out with him â he isnât sure if he could take that.
He doesnât notice that he hasnât said a word until youâre speaking again. And even then, itâs all muffled like heâs underwater.Â
âI can come over tonight, if you want.â
No, he thinks to himself. Thatâs far too early. I have to lose my virginity and learn everything there is to possibly know about sex first.
âI... I canât. Hellfire,â he answers, almost slurring, still caught in a stupor.
âTomorrow, then,â you challenge at his rejection. You cross your arms and lean over the table as you squint at him. The wind rustling through the trees carries the warmth of your floral-vanilla scent over to him, like a lullaby, or a magic spell.
As though he needed something else to make him all stupid.
Suddenly you're ten feet tall. Eddie feels like an ant. You could crush him if you wanted. You have all the power and the look you give him tells him that you know that. He fidgets on the hard wooden seat but canât seem to break your stare. His voice is tight and a few octaves higher as he answers â âYeah. Tomorrow sounds good. Great, even.â
âCool,â youâre suddenly beaming. You stand from the bench and saunter off, tossing a look and a wave over your shoulder as you shout, âSee you tomorrow, Eds!â
He has to jerk off after that one. He counts himself lucky that he made it to his van before he exploded completely.
Eddie has to become a sex god in twenty-four hours and he doesnât know where to start.Â
So, like any master procrastinator, he doesnât. He just worries about it all night and the following day. He turns himself into a big ball of anxiety (if you touched him, he'd probably shock you) and itâs left him in the sort of worry that doesnât let him sit still for too long.
Wayneâs sitting in his recliner, trying to eat his late lunch before he heads off to work the graveyard shift. Itâs hard to enjoy his sandwich or the latest episode of Miami Vice playing on the television ahead of him when his nephew keeps bouncing in and out of the room. Making brief conversation, rearranging the knickknacks on the coffee table, coming in just to stand in place for a few minutes before leaving again to rustle in other parts of the small trailer.Â
At one point, he comes in with the fucking vacuum and nudges at the manâs work boots until he kicks his feet up. Wayneâs never seen him do a chore in his life.
âWhat the hell has gotten into you today, boy?â the man complains through turkey, cheese, and bread.
âNothing. What are you talking about? Iâm perfectly normal.â
Heâs never been normal a day in his life either.
Eddie disappears out of the room a second later with the whirring of the vacuum in tow. Wayne shakes his head to himself. âBoyâs gonna be the death of me,â he mumbles and takes another too large bite.
Itâs unlike Eddie not to tell his uncle things, especially things weighing so heavy on his chest that they're starting to feel like pure steel. But his uncle doesnât ask any questions, and Eddieâs grateful.
How the hell is he supposed to tell Wayne that a cute girl is coming over and that heâs jacked off three times at the thought of her?
Once in his bed, the first thing he did that day when he woke up from a dream about you that felt a little too real; the second in the shower when the cold water wouldnât kill the boner heâd gotten; and the third in his bedroom, in the shirt heâd peeled off hardly ten minutes beforehand when he got into a bath. It made him feel dirty again though his skin was perfectly clean.
Wayne would think he was joking. At least with the âcute girlâ part. Heâd probably pat him on the back for the second one â âoh, to be young again,â he'd mumble to himself while simultaneously deciding to leave well enough alone.
Eddieâs so nervous he doesnât know what to do with himself.Â
Youâve got him practicing what to do in the mirror, trying to plan the conversation, ironing out the wrinkles of what might happen. âHiââ he starts but then shakes his head and clears his throat. His voice is deeper as he continues, âHey, how are you doing? Oh, thatâs cool, Iâm good tooâ shit, this is so fucking lame.â
He wonders how youâll go about it. If youâll offer first, or if he needs to ask. If youâll make small talk or if youâll just straight up take off your shirt. Heâd take either, honestly.
He jerks off one more time, just for good measure, after Wayneâs left for work. Heâs already tired and his dick is practically raw with how much itâs been tugged at, but he hopes itâll stop him from getting hard the second you walk through the door. And he figures with the amount heâs come that day, heâs a whole less likely to do it in his pants when he touches you.
You knock on the door at 7 oâclock sharp, like you planned it down to the minute.
He straightens out his leather jacket when he stands abruptly from the couch. He rushes to the door and then hesitates with his hand on the rusted brass handle â because he doesnât want to seem too eager, right?Â
He leans to the side to look in the dirty glass mirror hanging by the coat rack, brushing through his curly locks in attempts to tame them. Then he shakes his head so theyâre wild again.
He finds you standing on his porch in a tight-black sweater that dips down at your chest; the pendant of your necklace sparkles under the yellow nightlight perched on the outside wall. Itâs paired with a white nylon skirt that stops at your thigh.
Heâs only seen girls on TV in the suede boots youâre wearing â the kind thatâs tight up to your ankle with a short and chunky heel. They match the color of your skirt. He wonders if they were expensive and how much youâve worn them; they look brand new, like youâve brought them down from the top of your closet just for him.
Youâve got a stack of thick tapes in one hand and a brown paper bag of snacks in the other.
âWhat⌠Whatâs all this?â he wonders, not displeased at your effort but shocked by it nonetheless.
âThought we could have a movie night,â you shrug then slide by him and into the trailer. He shuts the door behind you and watches from afar as you set the sack down. Itâs not quite flat on the bottom so it topples over and spills some of its content onto the coffee table â red hot chips and sour gummy worms.
âYou mentioned that youâd never seen Fast Times a couple weeks ago, so I decided to go rent a copy at Family Video, right? And then I started talking to Robin and she started showing me all the new movies that just came in, so I got a little carried awayââ
You're rambling, he notices, almost like youâre nervous.
It makes him feel slightly better, knowing this obviously wasnât your first time hanging out with a guy (or being touched by one, if he ever got to that part), but that you were nervous nonetheless. Like you wanted this â whatever this was â to go well just as much as he did.
Eddie puts the tape into the VHS player when youâre headed back from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn in hand. You sit it on the table before plopping yourself in the middle of the couch â the boy across the living room has no idea you spent the two-and-a-half minutes it took to cook the snack debating on where to sit.
You feared sitting too far on one side might spook him from sitting next to you, that heâd think you didnât want to sit next to him. So you place yourself snuggly in the middle of the decade-old sofa and hope you donât seem too eager.
Your heart sinks to your ass when Eddie sits so far on the edge heâs practically sitting on the arm of it.
You muster a smile and try to make a joke of it. âI donât have cooties or anything, Eds.â
âPromise?â he lilts. The way his voice shakes is purely for comedic effect. Obviously.
âCross my heart.â
He hopes that by playing it off, you wonât notice how anxious he is about sitting next to you. But when he plants himself beside you, just close enough so that the rough fabric of his jeans scratches your knee every time he fidgets, itâs a little like sitting next to a rock. You spend the first half of the movie wondering if heâs nervous too or if he really just didnât want to sit this close to you.
The film keeps playing and he keeps snacking â eating chips and Oreos and popcorn in a rotation before combining all three and marveling at the taste; âYouâve got to try this!â he exclaims to you with raised brows and wide eyes. He eventually forgets to be nervous.
That is, until Fast Times hits 53 minutes and 5 seconds.
The smooth bass of Moving in Stereo plays lowly in the background as Phoebe Cates rises from the pool water, clad in a small red bikini. The chlorine-laced drops of water glisten off of her tanned skin. âHi, Brad. You know how cute I always thought you were,â you quote quietly along with her.
Your eyes are as glued to the television as Eddieâs when she starts to unlatch her top, like itâs the first time youâre seeing it too. You joked to Robin once that you couldn't wait until they made this movie in 3D.
Eddie gets hard as a rock, then. In every sense of the phrase.
âSheâs hot, right?â you ask him.
âYeah,â he answers. He clears his throat when the word comes out too tight. âTotally.â
âThatâs how I knew Robin was gay, you know? We watched this when I slept over at her house one time and I woke up in the middle of the night and found her playing this scene over and over again,â you confess with a laugh and hope your best friend wonât be too angry you told him this. âShe was sitting, like, two inches away from the screen.â
âReally?â
âMhm. And when we made out afterward, that really sealed the dealââ
âHoly shitââ he sputters before he can stop it. ââAre you joking?â
Please, say yes before I come in my jeans, he thinks to himself.
âWhy?â you challenge, shooting him an arched brow over your shoulder. âDoes that change anything?â
âWhat? No! Ofâ Of course not!â It just makes you, like, ten times fucking hotter, thatâs all.
âGood,â you nod and then turn back to the television. You move on quickly, and Eddieâs grateful. You keep telling the story like itâs one you tell all your friends.
âI asked her why she was watching it without me, and she said she got bored, but I already knew why she was watching it, you know? I guess I just wanted to hear her say it. So I just came out with it â âIf you want to look at a pair of tits, Iâm literally right here.ââ
Eddieâs so entranced by your words itâs like you're telling him a bedtime story. Heâs looking at you so intently, his gaze locked to your profile like heâs trying to commit it to memory. And when you finally turn to look at him again, he canât seem to turn away, to even pretend like he wasnât just hopelessly staring at you.
âSo, then it became this whole thing, right? Like, Iâll show mine if you show yours. And then she got all awkward and nervous and lost in her head, kinda like you right now, and then I leaned inâŚâ you trail off quietly, doing it in time as the words leave your mouth. So teasingly and breathtakingly slow. Eddie finds himself drifting closer to you, too, like a bayman to a sirenâs call. âJust like this⌠And then Iââ
You donât have a chance to finish your sentence.
Eddieâs already kissing you before he realizes what heâs doing. Your noses knock together, the tip of his crushed against the side of yours. The sweet flavor of your strawberry chapstick evades his mouth when your lips press together.
Heâs as shocked as you are.
Heâs wanted to kiss many pretty girls in his life, but this was the first time he's actually ever done it.
You feel his face burn red against you when he realizes what heâs just done. He tries to pull away from you, but you keep him there with a hand on the back of his head; deepening the kiss and telling him that you want this â that youâve always wanted this â without actually saying the words.
Refusing to separate from him, you maneuver yourself to face him more as press yourself against his side and tuck your knees beneath you. You caress the rough pad of his tongue with yours all the while, one hand balled in the shoulder of his t-shirt and the other anchoring itself to his curls.
You wait patiently for him to take action. To grip your waist. To lay you back on the couch. To climb over you and take whatâs his.
He never does.
He hardly even touches you. Heâs got one palm on your hip, but itâs so featherlight that itâs barely even there. His other hand is clutching the pillow on his lap with a white-knuckled grip, like heâs fighting to contain himself in some way. But you want him to let go. To lose himself with you.
The cushion had been there for most of the movie, something to keep in his absentminded hold and get crumbs all over. You wonder, now, if itâs a shield for something else.
Your lips click wetly when you part from him. A small smile forms on your mouth when you notice a string of spit threatening to connect the both of you. It breaks apart, landing cold below your mouth, and you wipe it away with the back of your hand.
âAre you hard?ââ you wonder through bated breaths, coming right and just saying it.
Eddieâs eyes go somehow wider and his mouth falls agape. âUh⌠No?â
Giggling, you ask, âIs that a question?â
âMaybe.â
âSo whatâs the answer?â you pry.
âHonestly?â he starts with a heavy breath and heavier eyes, still trying to joke. âWhatever makes me sound super cool and mysterious and sexy.â
âIâve always thought you were all those things,â you confess with a soft laugh, twisting a strand of his hair with the tip of your finger.
ââŚReally?â he canât help but wonder. Those words are about the most shocking thing thatâs happened so far this evening.
âYeah,â you nod, then tease: âBecause you've never lied to me.â
So tell me the truth, he can hear the words jumbling around in your head. So does. He swallows thickly and then admits, voice cracking halfway through his confession, âIâm so hard that it fucking hurts, sweetheart.â
Youâre smiling like the Chesire Cat at that, big and sly and mischievous. You have all the power and you know it.
âCan I make you feel better?â you whisper to him, lilting like you're taunting him. You mean it, though, and he knows that because youâre already tugging at the pillow in his lap. You donât fight to snatch it away completely. You leave just enough room to allow him to say no. But his grip on the thing relaxes and allows you to slide the cushion slowly from his crotch.
He canât say the words because his tongue is suddenly heavy in his mouth and his throat is closing on him. So he just nods, peering at you with eyes hooded with ecstasy.
You go back to kissing him, then, unhurriedly this time. You allow yourself to feel all of him, to hold his face in your hands and explore all the bits of him you never got the chance to before now. You do it more so in an effort to get him to relax, to forget to be nervous, but it only half-works.
He gets more comfortable with himself with time. The hand on your waist finds a more confident purchase there and the other climbs up to your face, cradling your jaw while his ringed fingers get lost in the strands of your hair. Then he starts to kiss you back harder, more earnestly than before, like heâs trying to prove something. Trying to tell you everything like this than with words he canât seem to say out loud.
He forgets to be nervous again when your lips fit together like pieces of a puzzle â the kind with the funky edges, the kind you know goes together because thereâs only two in the whole bunch like it. He stops worrying if heâs doing it right.
His breath is warm and heavy as it fans against your cupidâs bow. Heâd rather take in small pieces of oxygen like this than stop kissing you now. You feel the same way as you straddle his thigh, careful not to move with too much haste that it knocks your lips apart.
Eddieâs legs part for you on instinct. When you settle more comfortably against him, he can feel the warmth radiating between your thighs through the thick fabric of his jeans. He wishes he was naked right now, more so that you were, so he can feel all of you, bare against his skin.
But he takes what he can get for now. And tries not to burst completely at the thought that the only thing separating you from him was the thin layer of your cotton underwear.
Itâs hard not to think about your own pleasure like this. You could so easily move your hips against his thigh, let the rugged fabric of his jeans and your panties do all the work against your clit and bring you to a swift release. You want to. Youâre sure Eddie would want you to if you asked him. But it strangely seems less important now.
Because you know youâre minutes away from making Eddie come so hard his legs shake. And you always wanted to know what he looked like when he came.
Your hand worms out of his hair and down his neck. Your fingernails trail lightly over his skin, leaving visible chill bumps in their wake. Your palm falls down his chest and stomach, smooth like drops of summer rain. The print of his Def Leppard tee is rough and cracked with age. You wonder how long heâs had it, how often heâs worn it, as your hand settles again. This time on his belt.
For a split second, heâs anxious about you seeing his dick. What if you think itâs too small? He thinks to himself. What if you think itâs too ugly? But then he realizes youâre not even trying to take off his jeans. You just rest your palm over the rough material of the denim and grip him through it.
A groan crawls up his throat and out of his mouth. His head falls backward and lands against the back of the couch.
Heâs bigger than you thought, and warm against the tender skin of your hand, even through his boxers and his pants. Itâd be ever warmer if you were feeling the real thing, you discern, but you figure youâll save that for another time. Because even though itâs not the real thing and there are so many layers separating your fingers from his cock, Eddieâs letting out small and breathy moans that tell you that youâre touching him just right. The more you squeeze, the louder he gets.
âIs this okay?â you whisper to him.
âAre you kidding?â he retorts with a breathless laugh. âI feel like Iâm in heaven right now.â
âJust wait until you come,â you giggle. It makes him moan again. His eyes fall shut because he knows heâs moments away from feeling what itâs like â not to come, obviously, but for it to be from your hand and not his.Â
You massage him through his jeans, feeling him grow somehow harder with each caress of your fingers. Peering down at him, you can see his jaw clenching, the way it moves his temples, and the muscles in his neck straining as he climbs the peak of pleasure.
âIf you think this feels good now, just wait until you're inside me,â you purr to him.
âOh, fuck,â he drawls shakily at your words. He doesnât know if youâre being serious or not. He wants so much to believe that itâs a promise, though. The idea that he could unbuckle his belt right now, free his cock from its restraints and slip your panties to the side and take you, just like this, with you on top of him and riding him for all heâs worth, that nearly does him in.
But heâs fighting to keep it at bay. To let this moment last as long as he can. Because itâs entirely likely that heâll come and youâll never want to do this again. Itâs even more likely that heâll wake up from this way too vivid fantasy heâs concocted in his brain. How good can dreams get until theyâre nightmares again?
The hand on your hip darts to wrap around your wrist.
âWhatâs wrong?â you ask him, gaze sober and sincere.
Eddie breathes out a tremble sigh of relief when you slow your motions against him. âI justâŚâ he breathes heavily. And swallows. âI really donât want to come in my jeans.â
Youâre smiling again at that, pleased at how good you're making him feel. Like the pleasure is foreign to him. He can feel your grin as you lean down to kiss him. Itâs a chaste peck, like you're just sprinkling yourself there so it can linger the rest of the night.Â
Your kiss is far more fervent against his neck, wetter and more passionate. His skin has a faint taste of salt, like heâd been sweating. And he was, for the entire day that he anticipated your arrival, though there was never an ounce of him expecting this. You bite at the strained tendon and marvel as he shudders beneath you.
âItâs okay,â you leave your promise against his skin. âIâll wash them for you after. Like a good little housewifeââ
It was a joke and he knows it because youâre laughing at the absurdity of your words, at the reality of them. Youâre probably the only person in the world giving your drug dealer a handjob for free weed and then offering to wash his damp bottoms when he comes in them â calling yourself his fucking housewife. But, for a reason he canât explain, thatâs what gets him.
Not marrying you, perhaps, but the idea that he could have this feeling forever. That you could bring him to complete and utter, blinding bliss and then take care of him while he comes back to earth.Â
You give him an especially tough squeeze that sends a moan spilling roughly from his throat. His hips jerk up to their own according, his thigh jamming into your clothed pussy â he swears he hears you moan â and his toes curl in his boots.
He doesnât let go of your hand as he comes. He grasps your wrist and presses you further against him. His grip is almost too tight but you donât mind it, not when you can feel the denim growing damp with the evidence of his orgasm.
Eddie doesnât feel anything for a while after that. Itâs just pure pleasure for several long moments. The fuzziness of his climax, your hand pressed against him, your warmth still pressed against his thigh.
But then the high fades away like a rolling summer cloud and he starts to feel the wet patch forming in his clothes. The fabric of his thin boxer starts to stick to him and he almost feels gross, like heâs a teenager again who canât so much as look at a woman with needing to come.
But then he sees the way you look at him, grinning like a cat who got the cream â because, in some ways, you are. You look like you're proud of him. Like youâre secretly wondering how many times you can do that before itâs too much. He wants to find out too.
You plant another kiss to his lips. Just because you can.
âTake your pants off, Munson,â you mumble against his mouth, kissing him one more time for good measure before pulling away again.
âOhâ shitâ wait, really?â he sputters. âI thought you were joking aboutâ about me being⌠Iâ I donât know if I have any condoms.â
He totally does, in an unopened box under his bed, collecting dust.Â
You donât need to know that, though.
âI meant for washing them so you can change,â you laugh at his embarrassment. The sound somehow makes him feel better even though youâre slightly making fun of him. You shrug and arch a brow at him, lilting, âBut⌠Iâm down if you are.â
have any more virgin!eddie thoughts? or just thoughts about my writing/requests in general? leave them here if you want! ę°âáĄá¤áĄâęą
#stranger things imagine#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson smut#eddie munson#stranger things x reader#virgin!eddie munson#virgin!eddie munson x reader#st oneshots <3#published by bug
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lowkey college has been kicking my ass big time đ
all i can do to stop myself from having 8 mental breakdowns an hour is thinking abt college bf minho <33
like imagine you'd come back to ur dorm stressed after exams and he would just fuck you senseless until all you could think about was him <3
đđđŹđđŤđđŹđŹ - college au!lee minho x fem!reader
wc: 2k
cw: SMUT MDNI.
synopsis: your cutie college student boyfriend agrees to help you into subspace to take your mind off of your stressful exams.
a/n: idk. i just dont know this happened and iâm not apologising. enjoy. smut warnings under da cut as per!! this is just a lil one but i hope u enjoy<3
ËĘâĄÉË
sw: d/s dynamics, oral (f rec), mating press position, unprotected sex, creampie, subspace & mentions of domspace, petnames: kitty & jagi, HEAVY dirty talk, mentions of pubes (as per)
ËĘâĄÉË
You could barely see the streets on your walk home, eyes bleary with tears and giving you absolutely zero navigation skills. The only saving grace was knowing that your boyfriend, Minho, was in your room and readily awaiting your return. He was lucky to not have any exams this term, only assignments, and you were unlucky to have controlled exams in every single class.
The exam youâd done that day had been the worst thus far. You knew nothing. The whole exam youâd been sat there, hand on your temples just trying desperately to remember something, but nothing had come to you. Youâd ended up writing absolute nonsense before packing up your stuff and leaving, crying the whole way home.
Minho was perched on your bed when you entered. His glasses were round, perched securely on his sharp nose and he was casual, hoodie and joggers both grey and clean. There was an anime playing on his laptop, and he was staring at it while shoving crisps into his mouth. When you entered, a small sniffle giving away your return, Minhoâs eyes snapped immediately to you.
âOh,â He blurted, immediately rising to sit up. You dropped your bag on the floor and Minhoâs hands went straight to your hips, still covered in some salt from the crisps he was eating. He pulled you into his lap, settled on his thick, dancerâs thighs. When he pushed the hair out of your eyes, it almost broke his heart. âOh, jagi. Jagi, why are you sad? Did it not go well?â
âHmph, no,â You sniffed, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Minho sighed, rubbing your back over your t-shirt. âI knew nothing.â
âYou may have done better than you think, yâknow? Donât stress too much,â Minhoâs voice was low, soothing, intertwining with the anime still playing on his laptop. âWhat can I do to help? Do you wanna watch this with me?â
âMm, donât have the attention span right now,â What else could he do? Your thoughts immediately went to the sewers. You were settled on top of his thighs, and you could feel them, clenching and unclenching and⌠yeah. You knew what you wanted to do. âMin. Could you⌠take my mind off of it?â
âTake your mind off of it?â He repeated, eyes soft when you finally emerged from his neck. He gazed into your eyes, a loving, fond look in his own. Then, the penny dropped. He blinked, and then he was smirking, hands starting to stroke over your hips instead. âYou want me to fuck you, jagi?â
âPlease,â You nodded, hands gripping the fabric of his hoodie. âDo that thing, the thing where you⌠make me feel all fuzzy, ân stuff. The thing where I donât think.â
Minho tilted his head to the side. âYou want me to dom you, pretty girl? Send you into subspace?â
Well, when he says it like that⌠âYes.â
âOn your back.â
You were quick to oblige, stretching leisurely onto your back on your little twin bed. The downsides of having a dorm room, you supposed, but at least your flatmates were fine with you having Minho present constantly. Minho shut his laptop, and then he was looming over you, a strong figure of authority despite having such casual clothing on.
âYou know what to say if you need me to stop,â He mumbled, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. âSay it.â
âRed,â You felt out of breath already when his lips trailed to your neck, sucking marks into the skin with eagerness. Minho was gorgeous, and he was even better in bed, especially when he got like this - his dom headspace was the sexiest thing youâd ever seen in your life, and youâd swear by that. He was experienced with it. He knew what he was doing.
You were convinced even more so of that when his lips met your earlobe, his tone low as he pulled your jeans down. âIâm going to eat this sloppy cunt, and then Iâm going to fuck you until you donât know your own name. Got it?â
âOh my God, please-â
âStop whining like a little bitch, or Iâll treat you like one,â He nipped your earlobe with his teeth, and then he was moving to position between your thighs. Your underwear wasnât exciting, just a simple white cotton, but the way Minho looked at you made you feel like a supermodel. He was staring directly at the wet patch starting to soak the fabric, and you shifted, wanting his mouth on you, like, yesterday.
As if he could read your mind, his nose pressed into your core and he inhaled. It was such a strong scenting that you could hear it, his lips parting to let out a small sigh afterwards. Then, his tongue was pressing over the cotton, soaking it with his spit.
âMm, itâs good. Maybe I need a better taste, yeah?â You nodded at Minho, making him chuckle. He reached up and hooked his thumbs into your underwear, pulling it down and exposing you to the room. You knew your folds were wet and could feel as much when the air hit them - your clit was engorged and poking out of your pussy, begging for attention.
Minho clearly felt pity on you, because his lips were instantly wrapping around your clit and sucking. You gasped, hips bucking up into your touch, and he was quick to pin them down into the mattress with one small hand. From this angle, you could see where half of his body laid off the end of the bed, knees planted on the floor to be closer to you. His tongue laved over the button between your legs, and when his dark feline eyes looked up at you, you knew you were done.
âMin- Min, please, can I have fingers, too? I- I need, need to cum, need-â
âWill you shut up?â Minho pulled away, licking his lips. You wouldâve been shocked, but Minho knew him being mean was a sure way to send you into that headspace you so desperately needed to be in. âI know how to make this pussy cum, so donât fucking tell me what to do.â
With that, he was lowering his head back into your core. Both hands splayed across your hips to keep you grounded, and his tongue swiped through your folds, collecting the slick that had accumulated there. You let your hand drop down to his hair, enveloping the dark strands and pulling slightly against them. It made Minho let out a deep, brief noise, and then he was eating you like a man starved.
The way he was licking between your folds and against your clit had your eyes rolling back, fingers gripping the sheets. It was so, so good, you felt so sensitive, and your head was feeling fuzzy already. He was just so good in bed. His tongue started to trace circles on your clit, and you whined, heavy breaths tumbling from your lungs.
âGonâ cum,â You slurred, licking your lips to try and bring you back to reality. âGonna- gonna fucking cum, Min, I canât-â
âYouâre gonna cum?â He pulled away, thumb now rubbing your clit to keep you on the edge. âYou know you canât though. Not until I say you can, yeah?â
You whimpered, thrashing around. âI needa. Need to cum, need to be good, good kitty, am I- hng, am I good kitty? I canât hold it, I canât! âS too good-â
âBe a good fucking kitty and hold it,â He had shifted now, you realised, face now close to you again. His thumb continued to circle your clit and you gripped his arm tightly, toes curling into the sheets. It was too much. You were going to cum. âFucking hold it. Do as I say. Do you want my cock?â
Your eyes flickered down to the bulge in his joggers, huge and pulsating. You nodded eagerly, trying your best to focus on anything that wasnt the ache in your core and clenching of your thighs. Then, Minho moved, yanking down his joggers and boxers to position his cock at your entrance. You wanted to cry at the feeling of your orgasm dissipating.
âIâm going to fuck you,â Minho said, forearms supporting him above you. âIâm going to fuck you, and youâre going to cum on my cock.â
âYeah, Iâll cum,â You mumbled, eyes bleary - although now for a different reason. Minho smiled at you, and then he was pushing in, thick length stretching your hole in the most delicious way. You moaned, hands moving to grip his biceps again as he immediately set a blistering pace.
âLegs up. Câmon, be a good kitty,â Minho pushed your thighs up, and you obediently wrapped your hands around them. He was deeper like this, chest pressing your legs into your body and cockhead ramming against your g-spot. The smattering of hair at his base rubbed against your clit in an awkward, yet satisfying friction, and before you knew it, you were on the edge again.
ââM close again, Min,â You whined, lips parting. You were drooling, you could feel it, but you had to wait until he said. âKitty needs to cum.â
âKitty needs to, does she?â He scoffed, but pressed a kiss to your forehead nonetheless. âWell, kitty better soak my cock then.â
Your jaw dropped in an incoherent moan as you clenched around Minhoâs cock, walls pulsating as you let yourself go. The orgasm was white hot, building in your core and travelling down to where your toes curled and up to where your back arched. You could feel it gushing, soaking Minho and the hair that adorned the base of his shaft. Minho groaned, and then he reached down with one hand, squishing your cheeks together to look at him. His pace didnât falter, still bullying into your g-spot.
âYou alright, jagi?â He asked, thumb stroking your bottom lip. You hummed, letting your body be jostled by the forcefulness of his thrusts. It felt like you were floating on a fluffy cloud, even more so after your orgasm - you couldnât even remember what youâd been so worried about. âThere we go. Thatâs it, you just float like that for me. You donât need to think about anything, kitty.â
âNeed cum,â You murmured, huffing when Minho laughed at you.
âIâm gonna give you my cum, kitty, Iâve got you,â He pulled your hips up, and then he was fucking up into you like you were a fleshlight. You tried to force your eyes open, and you didnât regret it when they did. Minhoâs body was covered in a sheen of sweat, soft dew on his honey skin and his eyebrows furrowed as he ploughed into you. The feeling was almost enough to get you to cum again, if you really focused, but you couldnât. All you could think was Minho, Minho, Minho. âLet me fuck you like this. J-just, nice and hard, and Iâll-â
âCum,â You repeated, shifting to fuck back onto his cock. You whined as he gripped your hips tighter, and then he was gasping, eyes widening. He was curled over you, jaw dropped.
âIâm gonna cum, gonna fill this fucking cunt, oh- oh, jagi-â He was nearly whining, making you clench in approval of the tone of his voice. Minho collapsed over you, hips jolting in a staccato rhythm as he filled you up with his cum. You could feel it in your hole, wet and dripping. He pulled out of you with a now-softening cock, eyes following the leaking of his cum out of your abused pussy. Instead of moving, he collapsed on top of your body, nuzzling at your throat.
ââM so relaxed,â You giggled, letting Minho kiss your nose.
âI bet,â Minho hummed in response. âIâll let you float like this for a bit, but then you gotta come back to me, âkay?â
âMmkay,â You chirped. âCuddles.â
Minho chuckled, moving to lay by your side to pull you close. âOf course, jagi.â
#junoâs asks âĄ#junoâs fics âĄ#asks: lino#lee minho smut#stray kids smut#skz smut#lee know smut#lee know fic#lee know fanfiction#stray kids fanfiction#skz fanfiction#fic: destress
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IN PERFECT SYNC [j.jh smau]
betrayal [noun] Â /bÉŞËtreÉŞ.Él/
1 : the act of dissapointing a persons trust, hopes or expectations.
2 : revelation of something hidden or secret.
3 : failure to keep or honour a promise, principle or cherished memory, etc.
twelve â betrayal. wc: 1k
cafĂŠ neoro. 4:14pm
if you were to say you werenât confused by the sudden cafe invitation, youâd be lying.
as you enter the front door, triggering the cafeâs bell to ring, you spot giselle sat in the far corner, biting her nails; a habit she does only when sheâs dreading something.
thatâs weird.
she spots you, dropping her hands to the table and nodding you over to come and sit with her.
âyouâre here!â she squeals, âyouâre here..â
the atmosphere is strange, you must admit and thereâs something odd lining the air between you. so you begin to drone on about your class in efforts to ease off the weirdness.
âurg, im so sick of my professor just constantly leaving the hall. im literally paying to be here and he canât even be bothered to stay!â you whine as you set your bag down beside you, sitting opposite giselle on the cafes patchwork coach.
itâs a cute little place, you and the girls come here often to catch up when you donât see eachother for periods of time in exam season.
but for giselle to ask you here alone? when neither of you have exams for months?
there was something going on.
âhonestly, i wish my professor would leave sometimes.â she replies. âsheâs so boring!â
you laugh, spending the next 20 minutes complaining about your courses and gossiping about overheard conversations.
thatâs until you decide to bring up giselleâs absence from the party the other night.
âwhere did you even go?!â you ask, too excited for your own good. but you know giselle.
and you know sheâs forcing her smile.
âoh, just some room upstairs, no idea whoâs. could have been chenles for all i know.â she laughed.
you take a sip of your coffee as you laugh in reply, winking at her jokingly. âso, who was the guy? was he good at yk⌠that stuff..â
she giggles as she nods. but her smile withers.
âlook, yn.â
the sudden change of atmosphere brings you right back to the feeling of the beginning of your meet-up, the cold, stark vibe of something being wrong, of something eating away at whatever is between you.
âi told myself that i should be honest with you, so i will.â she continues.
âwhat is it, giselle? youâre scaring me.â
sheâs silent for a moment.
the silence kills.
but you soon find out that it isnât the silence that is killing you, its the thought that in these mere seconds, giselle is counting down the moments until she tells you who it is.
until she knowingly breaks your heart.
âit was jaehyun. the guy i slept with was jaehyun.â
your mind feels heavy, unattached even.
how could she do this? after everything you went through. she was the one who was there the entire time, she was the one who comforted you, telling you how he was in the wrong and how he deserved the worst kind of punishment for what he did.
and yet, in the end, she must have never truly believed it. because now she has betrayed your trust.
and she has betrayed you.
âwhat?â you can feel your vision going foggy, tears welling up in your eyes.
âi know, i know. i shouldnât have, but can you really blame me?â
âyes!â you raise your voice, and your thankful that the cafe is near empty. âgiselleâŚâ
thereâs a pause of silence as she lets you figure out what you want to say.
but you continue. âyou know what he did to me. you hugged me as i cried when i found out. i had no friends because of him, none! all the girls in highschool hated me giselle, do you know how that feels?â
youâre crying at this point, but she listens, watches as you burst into tears.
âdo you know how it feels to find out your bestfriend had been shit-talking you to all the girls just so he could get in their pants?! he had used me as a pickup line giselle, he had embarrassed me, telling girls he thought i was ugly, annoying, that he only tolerated me to make himself look better, all so that they wouldnât get jealous! do you know how that feels?â
ââŚno.â
âso why would you do that?â you quieten down, almost to a whisper as you struggle to get your words out. âyou know how much he hurt me, about how i can never be friends with half the girls in this college because to this day they still laugh and point. and yet, you donât care about any of that.â
âit was one night, yn.â
âand yet you still felt that that one night was important than my feelings. how do u think im going to look when people find out my best friend has slept with him? i already look stupid enough!â
âyn, noone will know, i promise.â she replies.
âi know. thatâs enough.â you stand up, leaving giselle sat there as you make your way to the door as you let the tears fall.
you feel 18 again, you feel the eyes, the giggles as you would when u walked down the hallway with jaehyun, unaware of what he had been doing behind your back.
jaehyun was probably so smug right now, knowing he had not only used you in highschool, but in college too, and with your own bestfriend on top of all that.
so now, you hate him even more that you ever did before.
youâll never understand him, youâll never know why he did what he did.
but thereâs one thing youâll know you will always do:
you will always hate him.
mlist â next
notes; so!.. i guess the truth is out nowâŚ.. hope u guys donât hate me too much! đđ (btw there wonât be a chapter tmr bc im busy all day and donât have the next chapter written, the next update will be sunday! sorryđ)
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